His friend is so off with me, but it’s pointless to mention it?

[Rainy77]

My long-term partner has a female friend who I probably see about four/five times a year at get togethers. No not much. She is a very outgoing, charismatic person and everyone loves her. However, it seems that every time I see her, she’ll be so friendly initially (kind of overwhelmingly so) and then out of nowhere, towards the end of the evening, she’ll make a catty remark or she’ll shut me down when I’m talking. I’m always kinda stunned when it happens. Anyway, it’s really getting me down and I do dwell on it. I want to be liked I suppose and this person is important to my partner. He can be quite defensive about her. I once commented on something she did and he was upset with me, like I was trying to cause issues.
I dunno, maybe I need to grow a thicker skin?? But I feel upset this eve and he is oblivious to why.
Written down this sounds so silly, but she really reminds me of the sort of person who would have made my life difficult at school. Yeah I know, deep rooted issues!

So he’s upset about you bringing this up but isn’t upset that she’s bitchy towards you??

Dont put up with that op. Your partner should have your back.

I have a female friend who has said a few off comments about my bf and I’ve distanced myself from her. Whether she doesn’t want to see me happy, or is resentful of the time I spend with him, I don’t know. But I treat everyone fairly and want everyone to treat people fairly.

His loveliness is just dinted a little by a tendency to be slightly..spineless

Sadly, this is the one trait that negates everything else in people. Because what really makes a relationship is someone who has your back. Being spineless is just an excuse to set you on fire to keep others warm. It affects every part of their lives, all decision making and gets very frustrating. Like you're a mum not a gf. I hope he has some inner strength/resilience or he'll be more a burden than an asset in your life.

Yep just say how you didn't appreciate it when she said x, what do you think of that?

Yeah she’s a bitch. You need to decide what your goal is. If it’s to keep your partner and look like the good guy you need to bite your tongue and play dumb.

otherwise bit back but you’ll “prove her right” and they’ll all think you’re the crazy one. Honestly sometime with men they just don’t want to see something and the person (you) who keeps pointing it out ends up the one who gets pushed out because they’re (you)m’re) the one “causing” trouble.

of course you and we all know it’s her. But she’s being a subtle cow about it. Which puts you into the position of the one who is trying to split the group up/trying to manipulate/jealous of her because she’s a woman…

don’t let her trap you there. Let it be water off a duck’s back.

I had a friend/neighbour exactly like this. Very manipulative. Absolutely trust your instincts, she knows what she's doing.

He can be quite defensive about her.

But not defensive about you when she’s upset you.

My god another zombie thread.