Why do mature supposedly smart men do this?

[Monroewasabombshell]

I am trying to decide whether to get back with my ex (separated for 2 years). We have no children, both early 30s, and were together for 7 years.

For the record, I perceive myself to be a smart, liberal, hard working type of woman. I have built a solid life and career for myself, have a great group of friends, work out, and generally just really enjoy life. I don't feel like I need a man to complete me, but I did/do love my ex. I would say my ex is very similar to me in the characteristics I have just described.

In the time we have been apart, he has been playing the field a bit. I guess making up for lost time, as we met in our early 20s and were pretty serious from day one.

In the last 2 years, he has had 1 official girlfriend of 5 months. That relationship ended with him leaving her because he didn't feel he loved her, multiple one night stands and situationships, and a casual fling of 1 year. The casual fling was more fuck buddy than relationship, but surprisingly they used no contraception whatsoever once they became comfortable a few months into the fling. When I say no contraception, I mean no contraception. No protection against STDs and no birth control. They relied on the pull out method.

I ended the relationship, so he is well within his rights to do what he did with dating, but I am really questioning who he is right now. I cannot understand why he would do this, and the fact he took such a risk with his fling is really making me question whether to go back into the relationship. Why do supposedly smart men take such risks?

In the last 2 years, he has had 1 official girlfriend of 5 months. That relationship ended with him leaving her because he didn't feel he loved her, multiple one night stands and situationships, and a casual fling of 1 year. The casual fling was more fuck buddy than relationship, but surprisingly they used no contraception whatsoever once they became comfortable a few months into the fling. When I say no contraception, I mean no contraception. No protection against STDs and no birth control. They relied on the pull out method.

just playing back your words to you for two reasons.

1. why is your ex giving you chapter and verse on his sex life - really? Is this someone you want to re-commit to, he's not exactly a Prince amongst men. He's probably discussed your sex life with other people based on this track record.
2. These are just notches on the bedpost to him, do you really want to be an addition to his conquests.

call me old fashioned, but I'd never be with someone prepared to get into the gory detail, it speaks volumes about who they are as a person and their attitude to women.

The details of his sex life are the red flag here. Someone is trying to wind you up - him or your shared friends. Did he really tell people that? Did she? Sounds unhinged!

Leaving aside the morals of him not using contraception for a minute (and I agree that was stupid of him) you are overly invested in what he was doing while you were apart. You dumped him, who he slept with/dated in that time is none of your business. If you are to get back with him you’re going to have to move on from it.

What seems a bit odd to me is that you are taking this second hand information about his sex life and making so much of it.
I mean, perhaps you are feeling regretful of the break up and this is part of you processing it all, and that’s okay. But I wouldn’t personally get hung up on the bit about him not using contraception, as long as if & when you resume your relationship you are confident he is std & child free! It may not even be true, or if true, it might only have happened a few times.
I like to consider myself a responsible, measured person, and I’ve had unprotected sex whilst in the throws of passion, and I know lots of people who are the same. It’s pretty dim, but it happens.

I do need to move on from it, but it really is not easy. I left him because I couldn't see how it would work out with the distance and never imagined we would be in the position where we could be together in the same location. I never stopped loving him and I think he feels the same. At least he tells me he does, he tells me that despite being separated 2 years he hasn't moved on emotionally and hasn't been able to form any type of meaningful connection with any dates since.

I guess I am just trying to understand whether he is being honest with me. Getting back together again is a big risk and also sacrifice as I will be doing the moving.