Anyone else get pissy and take it out on others?

[DragonsAndMoons]

I get pissed off/stressy and I don't like it.

If I'm in a bad mood I'm irritable with my dc and snappy. If I'm anxious about something it's worse. I do apologise, usually if I'm pissy I tell my dc (older teens) to leave me alone until I've worked out my mood. I was also like this with exh and was far worse as a teenager/young adult with my parents. I am diagnosed with ADD.

I don't think it's normal though, why should my dc be on eggshells because I'm grumpy. I meditate, do yoga, try to be mindful, have had so much therapy, work on regulating my emotions but I still do it. I know why I do it, my dm did it (although we were actually scared of her and my dc are definitely not scared of me so it's not as bad).

Anyone else? I don't want to be a massive dick just because I'm in a piss.

@Hurdling I don't think it's emotional abuse either. I think it can be if regular, personal, scary and part of other abusive behaviours but that isn't what I described. It's personal projections.

I would like to be calm all the time, for sure.

Turning that irritation outward rather then inward is a choice and it’s abuse .
Some people have a good cry if they’re stressed or anxious, or ask for a hug. Snapping and irritation is an aggressive choice. Stop doing it. If you must take it out in someone, take it out on yourself if it’s not such a big deal, stop subjecting other people to it.

Getting snappy when your frustrated isn't abuse, it's well within the realms of normal human behaviour, not everything has to be abuse- from someone who is more than familiar We can't all be robots, there are times when you're already stressed and you can't take the noise etc

Yes, you should still apologise after, and it's not something I'm advocating for, but come on.

My sister is like this. We do all walk on eggshells around her, but obviously we’d never dare admit that to her. I have spent much of my life vowing not to be a pissy bitch like my sister - it is really unpleasant to be on the receiving end of her unpredictable moods. Her lovely gentle husband has aged horribly over the years, I think he must have a version of Stockholm syndrome. She can be fun and great, but the undeserved vileness cancels that out for me - thankfully She has no power over me now we are adults. I pity your family.

Sometimes I might get snappy if we're lost and running late. It doesn't last, I'm not mean, personal or abusive. Just irritated and snappy

Have you had a proper conversation with the people that you are 'snapping' at? I can't stand people snapping. What would your kids say? Would they be able to tell you?

Are you able to control yourself with other people or at work?

You seem to be really minimising it. I'm ok with disagreeing with people and I'm not shy of emotions but I really can't tolerate people who are meant to love me being sharp.

You sound very much like my husband. He works long hours and can be snappy. It's very occasional and generally he is very kind and loving. It's the type of behavior that would annoy people but that they could brush off. The problem is that I really can't stand it and he doesn't understand. I wouldn't dream of behaving like that to him. My adult kids ( they are his kids too) really can't stand it either. Now they are adults they always come to me for help with things. I'm laid back and never irritably so if there is anything that could be stressful such as moving house they will only ask me.

I think you should give more thought to the long term consequences of your behaviour. You might know that you don't mean anything by being shouting or snapping but that might not be how other interpret it.

OP, do you have any control over this at all? Is it literally out of your control or is it something that you think is ok to do? Presumably It has to be one of those things?

As someone that doesn't show my irritability like that I find it almost impossible to imagine how someone who is generally a normal member of society literally can't control their behaviour

I would 100% love to be able to be laid back and control it.

I was terrible as a teenager and am nowhere near how I used to be but it's still something I do and I don't want to. I've had counselling, I meditate, I do mindfulness. I'm very lucky that my friends/family are the type of people that can accept I'm a pissy cow sometimes and stick a beer in front of me/tell me to get over myself/make a joke/ask me if I'm okay. I am not the type of person who would then get pissier about that, I roll my eyes at myself and apologise.

I know my dc aren't scared of me or on eggshells. I've said this countless times and I know my own family dynamics.

Posters who have told me that they are laid back- how! How are you laid back? What do you do differently than me? I want to be laid back!

@SweepItUnderTheCarpet it just comes out. What I can do differently than when I was younger is de-escalate it. When I was younger I would get more and more pissed off and emotional. Now I'm quicker to recognise it and get out of it. I do realise it's unfair. I don't want to be an uptight person. I want to be more relaxed and if we're lost and late then we're lost and late type of person.

That's not normal at all, you don't have to be happy but you don't project your shitty mood on other people.

My emotions show very easily on my face and always have. I've never been able to conceal how I feel. If I'm angry, I look angry, if I'm sad, I look sad, if I'm happy, I look happy. I'm not going to sound happy if I'm angry, I just don't understand how to do that.

Do you snap in this work place or at your bosses/clients?
Then you direct that same courtesy and self control to your loved ones, they deserve it more. It’s called respect.

Do other people take their bad moods out on you, OP? Do you ever consider what it is like when multiple people take their 'bad moods' out on one person, e.g. people at work getting snippy with a person, and THEN their dh and dcs getting snippy.

I was that person and it made me so numb that I feel I don't care about a lot of people. I am only going through the motions but I couldn't care less about their issues. I am actually delighted when things go bad for them, after their treatment of me. Do any of your people feel like this about you?

Same @Teand every single expression shows on my face.

Recently I have started getting in the face of the snappy person and asked them to stop snapping at me, in a calm neutral voice. I don't care if it escalates. An excuse to fall out with them over their behaviour.

I have a narc mother who would therefore never ever apologise. I suspect that (at least) if you let then know why and apologise, it'll go 95% of the way. Keep doing what you're doing - let them know when you're in a funk and hug them xxxxx

I work in a people type of role and am very well liked. I have flexi working, a nice office environment, freedom to work from home when I want and I manage my own work without being micromanaged. It's busy but not a chaotic busy, there's a method and there's nothing to really stress me out.

It's not that I chose to be respectful at work and not with loved ones. I'm not trying to go shopping or being hounded at when there's a mess in the kitchen, the cats puking, ds is winding up dd and I've ran out of loo roll after working all day. It's completely different scenarios.

I used to feel like this when I had PMT and would take Vitamin B6, which would sort it out.

You really need to work on this.

Sniping at someone then saying it's because your in a bad mood is not ok.
We all do it on occasion but it's not a default strategy.

What are people's definitions of snappy, I'm wondering. Snappy to me is saying normal things in a sharp tone like 'I'm fed up/can you just go to bed please/enough of that'. Emotional abuse includes name calling, put downs, frequent shouting.

There is a difference between being cross with a child in response to their behaviour and being snappy towards them because you're in a bad mood.

But their behaviour puts you in a bad mood...

No it’s not normal to take your moods out on other people… specially your kids.

Stop being a bloody dick towards them, how fucking mean!

If you're cross with your child because 9f something they have done and respond appropriately but with a level of crossness, then I don't think that's a problem. If you are stressed because of something unrelated to them and take it out on them then that is a problem.

As an adult, you should he able to manage your emotions to the point where the poor behaviour of one, for example, doesn't cause you to be 'in a bad mood' with the others. Or other people in general.

@GreyCarpet you and other posters keep saying that but you haven't explained how. How do you do that? How do you not get in a bad mood or get stressed and not get short/snappy.

Snappy by @cont level of snappy, not emotional abuse.

I have a really lovely friend. If she was driving back from say Cornwall after a holiday and hit the usual holiday traffic which makes a 4hr drive into a 6 to 7hrs she would get off the motorway and go and explore wherever she ended up and would come home late in the evening rather than sit in the traffic. I don't even think of doing that when in that situation. I just get grumpy about sitting in traffic. My lovely nan is similar, she says it comes with age to be like that as the older you get the less you care.

Sorry - I don’t believe you. You’ve been a LP of teenagers for ten years and NEVER snapped at them when tired or stressed?