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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex threatening to do something stupid (triggering)

61 replies

itchyearhole · 03/09/2022 23:47

Just had a message from ex telling me he's going to commit suicide, I've no idea where he is but I can't leave the house. We've been broken up about 2 months now and haven't been speaking as he's he's blocked in all means. Must have bought himself a new SIM card to message me as number unknown.

OP posts:
Thisiscrazyshite · 04/09/2022 00:45

@itchyearhole have you contacted the police ? What have they said ?

GettingOutOfTheWay · 04/09/2022 00:45

You've phoned 101? There is nothing else you can physically do. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Original poster
itchyearhole · 04/09/2022 00:46

Nothing they can do, I've no idea where he is, I know he moved into a house share but don't know where.

OP posts:
Thisiscrazyshite · 04/09/2022 00:50

Oh that’s a shame that they can’t help. In that case I’d contact a friend or family member, even if they’re 400 miles away. They might be able to phone him and talk some sense into him.
You really don’t need this right now I’m sure.
There’s no more you can do then once you’ve tried contact people.
What a horrible situation to put someone in.

TwoWeeksislong · 04/09/2022 00:53

Call the friends or family if you have any numbers for them. They can figure out where he is and call the poiice from 400miles away.

If he doesn’t survive tonight, remember it’s not your fault and his mental health is not your responsibility. Do what you can to get help sent to him, and once you’ve done it, relax in the knowledge you’ve done your best, whatever the final outcome.

SD1978 · 04/09/2022 00:53

As harsh and difficult as this is- not your problem. Block the number. He's sent you enough information to make you concerned, but nothing for you to be able to 'help'. His decisions are not your problem. He has and is making choices, and you're not responsible for them.

GettingOutOfTheWay · 04/09/2022 00:53

Did they say they can't do anything? Maybe because he has recently moved he hasn't registered his new address yet?

If you have a close family members details I would contact them. It isn't your place to fix this, but I would pass the information on if possible.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 04/09/2022 00:53

He's got what he wanted, you awake at 1 am worried about him.

Grumpusaurus · 04/09/2022 00:55

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 04/09/2022 00:53

He's got what he wanted, you awake at 1 am worried about him.

This!! ^^

CrapBucket · 04/09/2022 00:56

When my ex did this I contacted his sister and she dealt with police even though she was a few hours drive away. I feel for you op, its shit xx

Original poster
itchyearhole · 04/09/2022 01:09

I've given the police his proper phone number and they're going to do their best but that's all I can do. He was always very manipulative so it's probably a control thing and cry for help. I feel so bad and I know this is what he wants.

OP posts:
Adversity · 04/09/2022 01:11

Contact the police or a member of his family.

I could go and get the packet of paracetamol out of the fist aid kit and the bottle of gin in my drinks cupboard and post a pic to someone in my contact list and say I’m going to take them couldn’t I.

As much as it’s a PITA change your number, as your being harassed your phone company should do this free for charge and make sure it is only given to people who will never share it with him.

youagainomg · 04/09/2022 01:12

Time to change your number OP.

Adversity · 04/09/2022 01:12

Sorry, cross post.

Original poster
itchyearhole · 04/09/2022 01:13

It is a massive PITA as I've had it for over 10 years! Will get onto it tomorrow or today. Not going to get much sleep tonight

OP posts:
MingeofDeath · 04/09/2022 01:27

Fuck him. Not your responsibility. Go and get some sleep and don't give him any more headspace.

Designerenvy · 04/09/2022 10:49

Hope you got some sleep last night. You contacted the police and gave his details. That’s all you can do. You have nothing to feel bad about.
Hopefully he’ll be fine and get the message ye are over no matter what he says or does.

AuntieMarys · 04/09/2022 11:08

Let him. Drama Queen. He's just trying to make you feel guilty

Magenta82 · 04/09/2022 11:12

I hope you are doing ok, and got some sleep. He is a manipulative prick, try not to give him headspace.

SwissRole123 · 04/09/2022 11:14

People who kill themselves don't tell anyone they're going to kill themselves

Georgeskitchen · 04/09/2022 11:16

He's head fucking you. Block him and change your number. If he does top himself which is highly unlikely, it's not your responsibility. You've called the police and that's all you needed to do.
Let him head fuck someone else

TurquoiseDragon · 04/09/2022 13:20

I want to echo what @Georgeskitchen wrote.

My ex tried this sort of thing a couple of times after I left, and having already been pre-warned about the possibility on a thread I had (under a different name), I didn't cave and called the police for welfare checks.

My ex even tried pulling a stunt similar to your ex. On the first anniversary of me and the DC leaving his abusive arse, he sent a picture message to our then 18 year old DD. It was a pic of a bottle of brandy with a strip of pills and a caption "one last meal". It backfired on him big time, but I'll keep the details vague. Left him with no friends.

He's dead now (natural causes ironically), so no more looking over my shoulder. I still haven't forgiven him for doing that to our DD.

WhenPushComesToShove · 04/09/2022 13:26

I have a friend who's ex did this. He messaged and said I'm sorry you feel that way but it's up to you and then blocked her. She's still alive...

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/09/2022 13:37

My ex stopped doing that when he realised I wasn't even going to contact the police.

Alarchbach · 04/09/2022 13:40

As cold as I may sound, just let him crack on with it.
mid he commits suicide, that’s on him not you.