i swipe left 99% of the time

[AlicePeters]

Is it normal to find literally all men on OLD apps as very unattractive and ugly?

Maybe i am too shallow

Bit selfish isn't it? I know relationships with kids break down but starting a child's life at a disadvantage on purpose seems a bit 😯

I could have written this word for word. So many terrible photos taken with the laptop camera in the half light, peering down their noses.

There didn't seem to be any normal men, everyone was exactly as you describe. I found it so dispiriting - when I did OLD 20 years ago on Time Out dating, many men took the time to write an interesting profile with decent photos, and I did quite a bit of dating. Tried again recently and Bumble and Hinge were just dire. Like someone said upthread, maybe I'm just quite happy being single!

I remember reading that men put up really really bad photos of themselves eg even wearing a wedding ring and I have to say that the men I did have dates with were better looking in real life as it is not just a photo - it's their character , their eyes, their twinkle etc that gives that face life. My now H had the biggest load of rubbish on his profile about something that he is interested in about 2% of the time but I decided to give him a go as he was local 😂 and I did like one of his photos 😂. Yes he was the one who had photos of himself wearing a wedding ring - why? Because he thought it was a good photo of himself.🙄

I learned this at speed dating
Men on paper who would have been swipe right material really not great
Men I can imagine i would have swiped left on had a twinkle and charisma

I think going speed dating - I did a week of three speed dating in my city (so 45 first dates a week! - yes I was exhasuted) was a brilliant circuit breaker for all the online dating

All the 'tick boxes' just fell at the wayside and you didnt have time to over analyse their social media (guilty) or how often they texted (guilty again) - you also didnt have 'friends' looking for their weekly entertainment from you to rip the latest guy you met online whilst clutching her pearls and her husband thanking God its not her

It was just pure old fashioned random meeting people - granted we had paid £15 for the event
It made me realise many things
Photos are a terrible representation of a person
Bios too
But ultimately connection and chemistry is chance and luck (maybe fate 😍)
Also it helped me to realise men find online dating a struggle and not necessarily a good thing. They always say the top 10% of men on paper get 80-90% of the matches and TBH I agree and think its true - they can afford to be players as they know they have many matches in their pocket.

So glad to read this thread! I find OLD absolutely dire and constantly wonder ‘is it me’, so it’s good to hear others question it too. I’m 50, and have dipped in and out for 2.5 yrs, mainly Bumble, Tinder and Hinge, and although I’ve had some okay dates (I’m good at weeding out the horror ones at least), nothing has clicked for me. It’s been a depressing experience overall, looking at photos and profiles dull/angry/indifferent/unsuitable men, trying to work out if it’s worth the gamble of a right swipe or not, in case I’m being too closed minded. I’ve got male friends who say I must be fussy, or what are you looking for, and I think, well really just someone normal, who I could introduce to my friends! That’s it!

i agree about the real life chemistry thing. All those factors on OLd which seem important as there’s nothing else to go on, probably fade into the background.

I’m thinking of setting up a speed dating night in my city - I was thinking at least I’ve got some phone numbers of blokes I’ve met online to get started, and I might meet someone that way too!

Theres loads of companies
Speeddater.com
Slow dating
Date or ditch

I had a few likes but no matches and to be honest, I was doing it more to get out of my head about online dating and recalibrate myself

It has definately worked as after my 45 dates I reflected alot on dating and the OLD - I am now far more choosy and instead of doing what I was doing before (one date a week with someone who appears good on paper) I am now going on a first date after three months of a dating hiatus with someone who is not at all my usual type and I would have swiped left on before.

I also met a couple of single woman there who I have been building up friendships with - they are lovely. So it was a great place to meet new friends.

Everyone always mentioned hinge bumble and tinder - what about eharmony and match?

Its the same people on them all 😂

Hinge currently better however the Tinder team and cottoning on and switching over
I do think Hinge has less players due to effort required

I know some guys who have been on Tinder Bumble and Hinge at the same time and it is really off putting. I know one guy in his mid 30s that has been on Tinder for over 10 years. I doubt he will come off I think its a way of life now. He always says he 'wants a relationship' - perhaps he has been unlucky but I have managed two relationships - 1 year and another 8 months in 2/3 years of using them on and off (and some 4/5 month taking/situationships that did not work out)

My friend knows a couple of guys that work with us who uses all five constantly 😂

@Datingadviceplease

God how depressing

If you have a friend in the local area who has used dating apps they will be able to tell you the regulars to avoid - its worthwhile asking

Its the same guys constantly
I tend to avoid the ones who are on there for many years as maybe unfairly I assume fhey have been thrown back into the pond

I suppose I assume unfairly perhaps that the majority of woman are looking for a LTR at my age and its easier for men to find someone looking for commitment and if they are on there for that long constantly theres a reason - its maybe an unfair assumption but the only guys I know who were genuinely looking for someone were on there a few months only - found someone after a few dates and took the profile down - they were also not on multiple apps. They only used one.

@Datingadviceplease

That's a good tip - I do have one friend who uses a lot of dating sites

Yes it feels like you either meet someone fairly quickly or you don't - it's a very small window of opportunity

I'm not very active on Hinge, but I do log on every so often, where there are some OK guys on it, I'm just too lazy to ever meet up and put the real effort in and when I have, more then often the chemistry isn't there. Also I realized that if I just saw a still of the men I have dated, I probably would have swiped past them, but I liked/loved them, they were cute and funny. Maybe all the people saying they never swipe anyone should re-evaluate a bit. Try Hinge maybe...

I agree and I think thats why a hiatus is good

Anyone who I knew met somone quickly it was after a few weeks and a few dates

A friend who met her husband on tinder was asked what did you do after your first date with X? And he said 'deleted Tinder'
Good old fashioned romance

Thats why my standards are so high
The ones who want something serious with you know after a few dates (I dont care what anyone says) and are not still swiping away

So, if the good men are all taken after a few weeks (not disagreeing with this btw), what does it say if, like me, you’re still on there after 2.5 years, give it take a few breaks?!! God - I feel even more on the shelf now. Are men thinking ‘oh no, not her again, there must be something wrong with her!’

I just haven’t met anyone I like, that’s all, it’s been the absolute opposite of a shagging fest for me. 🙁

@Olivemitteridge If I see someone that's been on there a while as long as the pictures got updated at some point I just assume they are interested in something other than me or looking for something incredibly specific and just don't bother them.

If they have the same profile and same pictures then they are probably a bot. I come on and off them quite regularly as I get bored or do my "ah well I tried" and go back to life. I wouldn't worry about it to much.

The dating app algorithms favour showing you people of a similar attractiveness level. If you're getting ugly profiles 99% of the time, well.....

Thanks @chaoticsmith

Most old men are bald, though. Are you bald??That can be an issue.

At least women don’t get bald - as often.😆

Nothing sexier than a bald man 😂

OP, I don't know if you've been asked this, but what makes you swipe left? That 1 %? What does that look like?

No, not bald, thinned abit, but still fully covered ( for now), more salt then pepper really
generally I think women do a better job of presenting the best version of themselves on OLD, ( not all, some female profiles are terrible),
I think if men just generally put in more basic effort with skincare & personal grooming they would feel better about themselves and maybe get some more attention 🤷🏼

🤮

what about eharmony and match?

Didn't get on with the Match app interface at all.

I was on Match. I am not very photogenic, but more attractive in real life so assumed many men would be the same. I looked for hobbies, interests and a ‘nice’ quality more than the photo - by nice I mean non bitter, positive, maybe humorous, longer than one sentence.

Anyway dp was the third man I dated, he wasn’t my usual type look wise but on our first date the sparks flew. That was three years ago and I can’t really believe how lucky I was.