i swipe left 99% of the time

[AlicePeters]

Is it normal to find literally all men on OLD apps as very unattractive and ugly?

Maybe i am too shallow

I’m 47, was married for 17 years prior so hadn’t tried OLD before.

I used Bumble as there is a paid option to hide your profile from everyone except people you swipe right on - I really didn’t want my ex/work colleagues/clients seeing my profile 😱

I do have some sympathy for the blokes, selfies weren’t a thing when I was young and it took me ages to get a picture of myself where I didn’t look like a haggard old witch. I’m also put off pictures where they look too good as I think these are the men who are most likely to be players, especially the black and white professional photos.

I'm incredibly fussy. In 'real life' as well as online. I did tinder for 6 hours and bumble for a couple - luckily the first man I swiped right on bumble was the most wonderful man ever 😂. I'm not even fussy as in needs to be really good looking - I've had many of those interested in me and no spark! My DPs profile was awful - crap pics, no text but there was just something about him.

I think there is some truth in that
If the profile is too done up and poserish they are usually players and only looking for sex

I just seen a guy in Hinge I went out with about 18 months ago
Glaring red flags and pathological liar
Very anxious and angry
Turned up to my flat after a couple of dates, sent me a christmas card after I advised him to never contact me again as I was not interested
Left me food on my window sill
(I had gone on two walking dates with him and had not kissed him)

I found out he was a liar about his work (he was unemployed) - he had actually managed to get a couple of dates with a friend and she realised pretty quickly he was odd as well ( we only compared notes after )

Now. On the dating app he is very handsome 41 year old - well thought out profile and good pictures. You can tell he was hot when younger. 6ft 4 inches and has a cat. In one of his profile pictures he is wearing scrubs and an NHS lanyard (he is not a doctor but is alluding to that I would assume) and on his linkedin he has 'post graduate in law' - he was never an undergraduate so fuck knows how he could be doing a post graduate. I can see how a vulnearable woman could get taken in by him early as he would be a welcome relief in the dross that is online dating. But he is a horror - the dirty john of our city.

I think its a balance with guys

@Yetanothernamechangeagain I use incognito too!!!!!! A few of my sisters friends use it also I think it must be a popular function

But the two incognitos never see each other 😭😭

OLD is a horrifyingly fascinating insight in to how many men think. 'I am so superior to women that I don't need to write anything remotely interesting or funny, neither do I need to look good nor look after my body, neither do I need to take a photo that presents me in a good light - done, that should do it. 80% of male profiles. The good ones stand out a mile. And by good, I just mean have spent more than one minute selling themselves. I think this 80 % are single for a reason and women shouldn't lower themselves to it. In fact, they're probably some of the ex husbands to be of the many poor women on mumsnet posting about their miserable lives to these men - the ones where the LTB responses are unanimous.

I agree
Its usually somones abusive ex or current abusive husband

God it's depressing - recently separated and wondering about a future of OLD and at 39 feel like I'm going to be single forever!

I knew one woman who married a guy from Tinder
He was divorced and had red flags all over him
She is naive but thinks shes street wise because she read a book once about narcissism (lol) I dont like her as she is a hypocrite who looked down on a friend for being involved with an abusive man (the im so smart that would never happen to me brigade)

Anyway he ghosts her for two weeks after they first met and he tells her 'his phone broke' - she believed him. Obviously he was with another woman and did the sums in the interim to realise getting with a doctor would secure the life he was unable to attain himself. Anyway he got her pregnant stat and moved into her flat. Next thing you know he is dictating how she should spend her money and did the classic move of moving her wayyyyyy out the city to their happy health family home 🙈 its text book. (When they met he was living with his parents, in debt and no money due to his divorce)

I've changed my settings so only blokes looking for a relationship and kids come through as likes - and oh boy, they have pretty much disappeared! I'm looking for 35-45. It seems all want casual, or aren't sure, or don't want kids. That's me screwed then!

@lowmoodadvice

Great! So depressing! Although when I do sign up I won't want (more) kids so hopefully that gives a few more options!

You will find good men on dating sites.

You probably won't find good men that are also very good lucking on dating sites as they have little need.

Presumably it's the same for women?

@Talon01

😳 I wouldn't have said I'm that bad looking!

Not necessarily @Talon01
Depending on your job, age, location and hobbies - you might not be in a position to meet anyone anywhere other than on online

From a guys perspective - I find people nice looking but then the profile or conversation tends to put me off.

Also I can confirm I'm terrible with taking photos!

What about the profile/conversation puts you off?

@toooldtodate The two big ones are: I wont go near anything where the profile and language just seems overly hostile towards men - because if you see fire you don't put your hand in it.

I also get put off when it just sounds like I'm going to be someone's entertainment or just there to make someone feel better about themselves.

After that it's normally because I have to carry a conversation constantly or there isn't much personality.

A lot of the women I've dated or been friends with have been colourful, brilliant and funny - so I tend to look for those things in someone I'd date. That bit of quirky individualism matters - although that may just be me

I’m a guy as well,
I think most women put much more effort in the pictures than men, but for some profiles (quite a lot actually) the bio’s can be a pretty sparse,
I get the comment about conversations as well, sometimes it used to feel like I had to “carry” the conversation along, but that was probably due the woman not really being interested in me

Thanks both

I'm not ready to OLD yet but that's helpful for when I do.

I'm nervous about the whole thing not going to lie - seems like no one has anything good to say about OLD which for a 39 year who feels too young to be single but too old to date is worrying. I don't really want casual hook ups etc either

@toooldtodate you are only 4/5 years older than me! The thing with dating is you only actually need one good person and it's over. Unless you get into polyamory and such then you need calendar's and all sorts of admin work 😂

Try it when you are ready, you make a profile, whack a few photos on it and get on with your life. It's honestly not that bad, it's just like any form of social media

Totally normal I’m afraid! It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.

I won’t be going there ever I’m done with men I’m going to enjoy my single years no booze smokes. No crap tv programs.

Could Mumsnet create a sticky thread in the relationship board titled 'OLD is a waste of time - don't bother' or similar.

Everyone would save themselves a lot of heartache and time. Plus if no-one signs up hopefully these OLD companies will go under.

I used to see a guy casually, he would swipe right on most women if they had dark hair, or if he wasn't sure, I would only swipe right if I was 100% sure, he's a good looking guy, but I'm blonde so not even sure how he ended up swiping right on me! But we had fun for a few months, the difference in the swiping though was crazy.

There are some good guys out there, it's just like looking for a needle in a haystack. I met my oh on FAB, both looking for nothing serious, 4 years later he's moving in & I'm pregnant! So it can happen, I think the fact we were both open and honest from the start, then naturally fell for each other.

Have you thought about going it alone using a sperm donation?