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Should I double message him or let it slide? Advice?

36 replies

tanperception · 02/09/2022 15:00

Matched with him, and messaged him (had to, due to bumble), he seems to be interested and relatively engaging. A little flirtatious and cheeky, all appropriate. Complimented on a photo of mine. I have probably asked him one question. He has asked a few. I replied about what I do for fun and work which he asked about but I didn't return with another question. He didn't phrase it in a boring way either, like 'What do you do for work?' how you normally would if you're just creating a communication buffer/not interested. He still responded and that was 4 days ago. He does take many hours to respond as well. He does work in the medical field and I have been busy too.

I have been responding enthusiastically. Even my opening message which reasonably witty. He did say he was looking at my Instagram last time we spoke because I've got minimal photos, but he didn't follow me. He did say one of my photos was hot though. We seem to listen to very similar music which is kind of interesting. Whilst I'm not directly in the medical field, have done research in a similar field that he currently works in so that as well.

I know it seems to be a bit too invested for just a match on bumble but it has been one of the very good matches I've had. I've noticed he was in another city for a bit, so obviously busy. Has been about 1 week/2 weeks now.

Don't double message him right? Advice?

OP posts:
YoSofi · 02/09/2022 15:03

Drop him a message, if he doesn’t reply don’t message again and move on to the next.

girlmom21 · 02/09/2022 15:07

If you want to talk to him just message.

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 02/09/2022 15:08

Interesting that you state you haven't asked him many questions. Why? Perhaps he's reading that as you not being particularly interested? Especially if he's been asking questions about you.

WeThreeKingsofOrientAre · 02/09/2022 15:10

I’d message again and if no response after 48 hours I’d move on.

Ilovelurchers · 02/09/2022 15:11

Go for it. Nothing to lose.

isthismylifenow · 02/09/2022 15:14

Sorry, I am confused. He responded to your last message 4 days ago? Or did you reply back to that and he hasn't responded back again?

I have been on a few dating sites, but I find Bumble awful. It found men seemed to have the attitude that the woman should be messaging first most of the time and to keep the conversation flowing, as we have to start out the conversation. It seemed like at no point did that ever swing back to them having to put in some of the effort. And it wasn't just one or two men, I noticed happens a lot on that site.

I am at the stage that I could not be bothered tbh, so I would not message again if he has not replied in 4 days, but others may not agree with me. At this point in life, I can't be arsed to be chasing conversations.

tanperception · 02/09/2022 15:15

Sorry, I did respond and haven't heard from him now in almost 2 weeks, closer to that at least *. But yes, I fervently agree for the most - don't think we should really be chasing anyone in life.. but.

OP posts:
MartiniRosso · 02/09/2022 15:16

[bloke commenting]

Sorry, but internet dating stinks.

He may like you, but he probably has his eye on the next swipe who may be even better than you.

If you like this guy, tell him. No games, no "hints" or "he should get the message" - just type "I really like you".

If he fannies around after that, drop him and move on.

tanperception · 02/09/2022 15:16

@isthismylifenow

OP posts:
Newusername21 · 02/09/2022 15:16

You're over thinking it.

Nothing wrong with that - I've been there, got the t-shirt so to speak.

Simplify this - If you want to hear from him - send him another message - ask him an open ended question - see what happens.
Good Luck

isthismylifenow · 02/09/2022 15:26

tanperception · 02/09/2022 15:15

Sorry, I did respond and haven't heard from him now in almost 2 weeks, closer to that at least *. But yes, I fervently agree for the most - don't think we should really be chasing anyone in life.. but.

I am still confused 😀

So you haven't heard from him in 2 weeks?

I would unmatch and move on. Sorry OP.

betrayedandwobbly · 02/09/2022 15:36

If he's too busy because of his job to be dating, then he shouldn't really be on a dating site. But he might be doing it for an ego boost, or someone to chat to, or a host of other reasons.

If you didn't ask anything back, then he's probably concluded that you're not interested. If you are, then message back (and for heavens sake include asking about what he's up to, or for an update on something mentioned before).

If he responds with interest, great. If he doesn't, you can draw a line under it

If he's really too busy to date, then decide if you're happy to be a kind of pen pal (I am with someone - yes he's fanciable, but it's not going to go anywhere, so he's now an enjoyable - though sporadic - connection rather than a romantic prospect)

Only stay in touch if you're getting back something that you like

Suprima · 02/09/2022 15:39

Absolutely not- he’s not interested

all you will do is seem desperate to meet him, potentially leaving the door open for him to booty call or to lead you on (asking you on a date, but it’s a bar with 241 cocktails right near his flat), should he actually be a bit of a bastard.

Minikievs · 02/09/2022 15:45

If he's not messaged you in two weeks, unmatch and move on.
There's being busy at work, and then there's being uninterested
NOONE is too busy to find 30 seconds to send a message for a fortnight

Fairylightsongs · 02/09/2022 15:47

Is the op written wrongly`, it’s so confusing

op how do you know he’s out of the city are you stalking him?

Fairylightsongs · 02/09/2022 15:49

So he asked you a few questions, had a look at your insta then ghosted you two weeks ago? Let it be op and don’t stalk him you should not know where he is.

EmMacv · 02/09/2022 17:19

If he was interested, he would have made the effort. Even if you get a reply after you message again, you'll be back in the same situation at some point. In a word, next.....

Successgirl2022 · 02/09/2022 21:31

I agree.

Successgirl2022 · 02/09/2022 21:32

I'd message again last time and if no reply within 2 days I would move on.

Oopsiedaisyy · 03/09/2022 06:01

He's decided there's no connection and moved on to talking to someone else

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 03/09/2022 07:09

2 weeks? Yeah he's not interested. Unmatch and move on

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/09/2022 07:18

It doesn't matter if you double message while in the chatting on dating app stage. If he's not interested he'll ghost after that or unmatch you, no biggie.

tanperception · 03/09/2022 11:03

I just could see on the app the other city he was in. Do want to message him but I probably should let it slide.

OP posts:
BlackWhiteRed · 03/09/2022 11:17

Just send him a message, something fun like telling him what you've been up to, and ask him how he's been. It might open the door to more chat - it might not.

He may have felt that he was doing all the work with your previous messages, and he's likely got lots of other people he's messaging as well. So just say hi, and see if it reignites things.

If he doesn't reply, forget him and move on.

J0y · 03/09/2022 11:20

MartiniRosso · 02/09/2022 15:16

[bloke commenting]

Sorry, but internet dating stinks.

He may like you, but he probably has his eye on the next swipe who may be even better than you.

If you like this guy, tell him. No games, no "hints" or "he should get the message" - just type "I really like you".

If he fannies around after that, drop him and move on.

Do not do this. You do not really like somebody you haven't met.

I'd leave it a while. See if he has made the decision to stop messaging you.

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