Does anyone think MN has negatively impacted their relationship ?

KangarooKenny · 2022-09-02T07:48:29+00:00

I wonder if reading MN, and all the ‘LTB’s’, can negatively affect relationships or if it just affirms that it’s over ?

BiasedBinding · 02/09/2022 08:51

No, though plenty of men out there think it does, they just don’t like women pointing out their bad behaviour. People aren’t posting when they don’t have any problems, the problems are already there.

GerardIsTheBest · 02/09/2022 08:54

I think MN makes women less naive.

Annabananna1 · 02/09/2022 08:57

No. I wish I'd been on MN years ago when I couldn't see the wood from the trees.

If I was in the same predicament now, with the support and harsh comments from MN I might have made some better choices.

RewildingAmbridge · 02/09/2022 08:59

No it makes me realise that DH has his flaws (as do I) but they are essentially minor niggles compared to not only the complete arseholes on here, but also compared to what an awful lot of women seem to tolerate.

pastaandpesto · 02/09/2022 12:38

No, the opposite - it's had a positive impact on mine. I appreciate DH more and have more self awareness of my weaknesses.

It's also made me realise the importance of sex and I make time for it despite general perimenopausal lack of libido.

pastaandpesto · 02/09/2022 12:43

However, I would say that, along with the feminism boards, it has definitely negatively impacted my opinion of men as a class.

ThePastafarian · 02/09/2022 12:51

As a thread title, this reminds me a little bit of that headline I've seen doing the rounds lately that dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as women's relationship standards are now higher....

It's not the relationship standards (or Mumsnet) that is the problem here...

RaininSummer · 02/09/2022 12:55

Alluded to above, I wish it had been around when I was a young mum. Definitely would have spotted the signed of emotional and financial abuse a decade sooner.

Fantina · 02/09/2022 12:56

No. If I’d listened to the advice on Mumsnet when I first posted about EXDH’s behaviour I would have gained ten years of my life that I lost to that marriage. Instead I carried on only to eventually leave when things got much, much worse. The women are here are so wise and generous with their time but we don’t always want to hear the truth. I’ve learnt a huge amount about abusive behaviour from them, about myself and about why all of us need higher standards.

InsertSomethingMotivationalHere · 02/09/2022 12:57

Nope not at all. It's strengthened my boundaries hugely. And also made me realise what a goodun I have in DP.

Fantina · 02/09/2022 12:58

I actually looked up my original thread on here and the assessment of then DH’s behaviour by multiple posters was absolutely spot on. But I was not in a place to accept the truth then. I do sometimes wonder what I’d be doing and where I’d be now if I had…

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 02/09/2022 12:59

Nope. I wish I'd used it when my LO was born, I'm sure they would have helped me see things more clearly!

Fantina · 02/09/2022 13:00

Some of it might be age too, I was, obviously, much younger then and less experienced. It’s only as I’ve aged and read and read on here that I begin to see the reality of my life.

essex956 · 02/09/2022 13:00

pastaandpesto · 02/09/2022 12:43

However, I would say that, along with the feminism boards, it has definitely negatively impacted my opinion of men as a class.

Exactly this! I find myself more grumpy with DP after reading posts about horrible men in general. Has also made me a lot more suspicious

Crochetandcoke · 02/09/2022 13:07

I LTB after coming on here and realising properly that I was being abused. Mumsnet helped me know where to go for help and I went into a refuge. Also helped me protect my kids in family court, and go no contact with family members who were complicit in the abuse. I've had a lot of bad advice and some bun fights on here (under a different name) but genuinely I believe I owe this sight and some posters on it my life for the advice and support I got during a crucial time

Crochetandcoke · 02/09/2022 13:09

I am glad I didn't fall too hard down the trans rabbit hole though

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 02/09/2022 13:12

MN helped me to see off a potential OW who was into starting an EA with my DH.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 02/09/2022 13:12

My DS rolls his eyes every time I mention mumsnet but actually I feel I am pretty much more well informed because of it. I consider mumsnet a learned friend that I can turn to for information and advice. I still have the option to use or discard this.

gamerchick · 02/09/2022 13:14

No, if anything it makes me appreciate my husband more. He's a good egg. Some of the men wrote about on here are horrors.

SeaThingChild · 02/09/2022 13:28

Well in a way but it's a good thing as it opened my eyes. I was merrily doing all the cleaning, cooking, housework, childcare, admin etc whilst also working because that's what my mum and my nan did, that's what I thought being married meant. Now there's many more arguments as I say actually I think it's your turn.

OldFan · 02/09/2022 13:30

Yes, but that was a dreadful man so it was the right thing for the commenters to do, as it helped me end a psychologically abusive and sexually coercive relationship.

MacNCheeeeese · 02/09/2022 13:32

I'm going to be the one to say yes. On this forum I seem to see streams of comments from women claiming how their DH has treated them with nothing but kindness and respect for the past 30 years, how they've never raised their voice once, how he's an amazing father, and pulls his weight with the household stuff in addition to contributing financially. And it seems that if you post implying your husband is ever anything other than this, then it's LTB. This left me feeling like I was in an awful marriage and impacted my view of my husband.

I then look at the real world and all the people I know who are married, and we all have issues, and no one's marriage resembles the above. I'm not saying that kind of marriage doesn't exist, but I think the minority have that. I think the views on here often aren't representative of the real world and that's not just regarding relationship.

I've also seen posts from women who regret divorce and the impact it has had in many ways, but those posts are rarely talked about. Abuse aside, the grass isn't always greener elsewhere especially when children are involved, humans are imperfect, and LTB often doesn't need to be the answer.

Choconut · 02/09/2022 13:36

No, here I learnt what a covert/vulnerable narcissist was and it told me everything I needed to know.

Wombat27A · 02/09/2022 13:39

gamerchick · 02/09/2022 13:14

No, if anything it makes me appreciate my husband more. He's a good egg. Some of the men wrote about on here are horrors.

This. ^with bells on. 👍

Plus I have a sibling with an entirely different view of life to me & hearing other pov really helps me see things more clearly.

oneproudmumma · 02/09/2022 13:48

Fantina · 02/09/2022 12:56

No. If I’d listened to the advice on Mumsnet when I first posted about EXDH’s behaviour I would have gained ten years of my life that I lost to that marriage. Instead I carried on only to eventually leave when things got much, much worse. The women are here are so wise and generous with their time but we don’t always want to hear the truth. I’ve learnt a huge amount about abusive behaviour from them, about myself and about why all of us need higher standards.

Me too, some 8 years ago with my exP. I received so many LTBs on my thread and some posters were so incredulous at his behaviour they started to question if I was a troll(!) 😯

My experience of MN is that although sometimes LTB is used a bit too willy nilly, if the general consensus is LTB then it's quite accurate!

I will never forget my original Mumsnet thread and the baptism of fire I received. Note: name changed many times since then!