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Original poster

Is fiancé using dating sites

27 replies

momneedscoffee · 01/09/2022 13:51

Hi. Looking for some advice. I was having a nosey on my partners Facebook this morning. And his news feed is flooded with ads for dating sites and live video chat sites.
I have never came across these adds on his Facebook news feed before. I counted 15 ads at least while scrolling through his news feed.
AIBU to think he has been looking at things he shouldn't be?

OP posts:
summersolstice43 · 01/09/2022 14:04

It could be that he's been looking as you do tend to get adverts when you google something but it could also be that he's discussed dating sites with friends, family etc and the phone was listening into the conversation. I've had that happen to me loads and its ruined a few surprise gifts I'd been looking for too.

Watchkeys · 01/09/2022 14:57

I think that if your first instinct isn't to ask him, or if you wouldn't trust his response, you have a different problem than the one you think you have.

What stopped you talking to him about it and made you come here instead? What would he say if you told him what you'd seen and how it made you feel?

Nugg · 01/09/2022 15:02

Logged in as him or looking at his feed from your account?

NapInTheSun · 01/09/2022 15:09

im sorry to say, it’s highly likely he has!

Original poster
momneedscoffee · 01/09/2022 16:55

Nugg · 01/09/2022 15:02

Logged in as him or looking at his feed from your account?

Logged into his account from my phone

OP posts:
columbo83 · 01/09/2022 16:58

Why did you log into his account ?

Wearefoooked22 · 01/09/2022 16:58

If I mention a brand or product it appears on my adds,obviously when my phone is near by.

Original poster
momneedscoffee · 01/09/2022 17:01

@Watchkeys I asked him and he has said he has no idea how they are all on his Facebook ads.
This isn't the first time I have caught him at this kind of thing in January I found out he had been on numerous sites speaking to women and even met up with someone behind my back.
Hence the reason I now have access to his social media etc. I forgave him and he swore to me he wouldn't let me down again. I'm 6 months Pregnant and after seeing all these ads this morning it's made me doubt everything.
He's swore to me on our unborn baby's life 😫 that he has no idea why he is getting all these ads. It's not just dating site adds there's lots been popping up for live chat rooms etc.
I think deep down I know the truth but foolishly was looking for re assurance that maybe he hadn't been up to anything.
What a mess!!

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 01/09/2022 17:24

If he met up with someone behind your back, he's proven himself to be perfectly capable of lying to you. So you can't trust him. You can't even believe the statement 'I promise I'm telling you the truth'.

You don't trust him. You can continue to have a relationship with him, but it won't be what you want from a relationship. Not what you want to hear, I know. I'm sorry he's turned out to be so untrustworthy.

Original poster
momneedscoffee · 01/09/2022 17:39

@Watchkeys I agree. It's hard when you love someone and want to believe they aren't lying. Most of the adds I'm seeing on his Facebook are for free live chats and a few dating like eharmony badoo etc.
It's not just one or two it's it's like a different add for a different live chat room/dating site every couple of status updates. His full news feed is flooded with them and he's still trying to tell me he has no idea how that is. It's so frustrating I just feel absolutely deflated with it all.

OP posts:
bunnytailbreakfast · 01/09/2022 17:42

Hi
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but yes it's likely he is. I am going through a very very similar situation right now and everything is unravelling. He'll let you think you're going mad before he admits anything to you.
X

Tiny2018 · 01/09/2022 17:46

My most recent ex did the same as yours in terms of dating sites, and also met with someone behind my back, I posted on here about it last year. Found out about the woman he had met with because his ex called him late one night and rather than admit it was her, told me it was this woman. I messaged her and thars when I found out he'd been on a date with her, not long after we'd got engaged.

I actually gave him another chance and it all went downhill from there, eventually ended up with him beating me up last month. I'm rid of him now, but since a few days after breaking up, as for dating sites started popping up on my newsfeed, presumably because I've been talking about being single with friends.

So on both counts, I'm sorry but I believe he cannot be trusted.

Grrr, men.

Watchkeys · 01/09/2022 17:46

Maybe he's telling the truth on this one issue, but even if that's the case, you don't trust him due to his past behaviour. Look beyond this one thing. If you trusted him and he said he was innocent, you'd believe him. The problem was already there before this. This has just brought it to the fore.

Original poster
momneedscoffee · 01/09/2022 18:10

@Watchkeys I don't even believe him on this. Deep down anyway as much as I want to.
It seems to much of a coincidence all these live chat room ads and dating site ads popping up on his newsfeed. There was at least 10 different ads.
I just don't know what to do or where to start 😢

OP posts:
economicervix · 01/09/2022 18:13

He’s already a proven liar, and you accepted him back knowing that. When he met up with a lover did he admit fucking her, or use one of the old cliches cheaters use like ‘we just kissed/I couldn’t go through with it’?
Have you been getting regular STD tests? Sounds like an all round low quality male.

Original poster
momneedscoffee · 01/09/2022 18:16

@Tiny2018 I'm so sorry to hear you went through that.
Glad you got rid though ❤️

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 01/09/2022 18:18

I've been looking at garden furniture and my FB feed has been flooded with ads for it.

Sadly this is what happens when you trust a cheater to behave. Aren't you worth better?

TeaWithPaddington · 01/09/2022 18:27

Cookies on his phone will allow ads, related to what he's been looking at, pop up on his Facebook feed so, yes, he has been looking at/using these sites.

Sorry.

Tiny2018 · 01/09/2022 18:28

momneedscoffe thank you.

I hope you get things sorted x

Treacletoots · 01/09/2022 18:31

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.

I think sadly OP you know what he's been up to. He got away with it before so he thinks he can again.

You know what you have to do if you're to retain even a shred of your own self respect.

Lozzerbmc · 01/09/2022 18:50

Its horrible I know and hard to face. But in time you will be glad you found out now

Snoozley · 01/09/2022 21:07

I'm sorry you going through this ... My husband kept his por n addiction hidden for years and has been webcamming girls and paying for it... For months, years even... He owes thousands on secret credit cards.. Seriously you would never guess my husband was capable of what he did... He was great at covering it up and even now I feel gaslighted... I think it your but tells you he's up to no good then he probably is..

bunnytailbreakfast · 01/09/2022 22:38

@Snoozley can I ask... how did you discover the webcam / paid sites?

The reason I ask is that my (STBXH) has recently revealed he has lost a colossal amount of money. In January I discovered he had joined Adultwork but I can see no evidence of him using it (bookings or webcams) however I do know he has been cheating on me but I would really like to know more about where all the money has gone as I don't think he's the type to be paying for flashy dates!

I also know his data use on his mobile is very high which is why I suspect it could similar to your husband..

stevalnamechanger · 01/09/2022 23:29

summersolstice43 · 01/09/2022 14:04

It could be that he's been looking as you do tend to get adverts when you google something but it could also be that he's discussed dating sites with friends, family etc and the phone was listening into the conversation. I've had that happen to me loads and its ruined a few surprise gifts I'd been looking for too.

This doesn't happen .

Ilovelurchers · 02/09/2022 00:44

stevalnamechanger · 01/09/2022 23:29

This doesn't happen .

Show quote history

I think it does happen tho! I have had a few ads on my Facebook for dating sites today - one was Bumble, and there was another that I noticed because it had a picture of an unattractive (to me) guy - I didn't think a lot of it and had barely clocked it to be honest. I definitely haven't been googling sites myself. But thinking about it, my friend has just been dumped and I have been whatsapping her suggesting she go on Tinder, and then I had a facetious conversation with my mom about it referring to the fact my mom always suggests people find a fuck-buddy when they are dumped, in which I said a few times (humourously) things like "well maybe we should all just download Tinder"

Think I referred to this in a chat to another mate too.....

Long story short - I whatsapped the word Tinder several times today, and lo and behold I get dating adds on Facebook. Just as when I was moaning on whatsapp about my ex FB used to advertise me books called things like "why are you dating this narcissist?"; when DH worked away and we were sexting loads it tried to flog me lingerie and sex toys; I can think of numerous other examples.....

So he COULD have just been discussing dating site with a friend. However, your fella has form, so you are right to be suspicious here...... I'd be watchful and seek more evidence of you can.