Husbands affair resurfaced

[citygirl200]

Hi
looking for some support on what to do

been married nearly 16 years
husband had an affair - well it transpired he was with another woman when he met me … and married me whilst still with her. And whilst we had our first child

anyway. Other woman was part of my marriage for the first 7 years. I thought it had all passed us . Things never have been the same to be honest

anyway thinking it all ended by 2011. The other month I came across a bank statement of my husbands who transferred money into the other woman’s account back in Oct 2019.
I confronted him . He said it’s no big deal?!

I asked him to share his statements with me since Oct 2019 to date … as I suspect he send her money regular. He said no

what do I make of this ???

why oct 2019 to date is important . It was Dec 2019 when I wanted a divorce, but he persuaded me during Covid not to leave him

at the same time sending her money

if he showed me his statements and there are more transactions since Oct 2019 I will leave him. He refuses to share this info with me

I even said ask the bank to run report on her account number from his ct 2019 and I will be able to see if that was just the once. He refused

his refusal suggests he is lying to to me

I'd hire a forensic accountant to help you with the divorce process and financial agreement. It would be the best investment you could make.

Go and seek legal advice- don't tell him (my OH used to claim lots of stuff was his, and threats of what he would do if I left- it was all nonsense and even he admitted that once i spoke to a lawyer) Also start looking for financial information and take copies

Yes i agree. See solicitor first..

Get copies of any finance you can.

I agree with people saying get legal advice.

I’d act like there’s nothing wrong but seek legal advice and find out what you can about this women.

Do you work?

And have your own account?

Speak to your family and friends asap

I do have my owN account

he tells me most days I’m lazy, useless and think it’s made me feel very weak emotionally

update

i was sat in the kitchen and he got a chair and lifted a camera up off the kitchen cabinet, and said i have been recording you .

recording what? i asked

he said what you say about me to others. the camera was a cctv camera and not hard wired for power

he was got it infront of me to scare me.... this is the type of person i live with

you are all right - i need to start looking at what to do for myself

You need to get out today. Jesus.
Call your friends and family from outside the house and leave. You are not safe where you are op.

You need to leave this man as fast as bloody possible.

The police will help you and they have a specialist domestic violence team to help. You will be supported and looked after

I need to get myself sorted.
he said he only did it - as a joke
he was not recording me. That is not the point. The point is he is trying to intimidate me . Control me

I have started to make financial copies

Time to get your ducks in a row 🦆🦆🦆
Stay safe.

Well done OP - your eyes are wide open now.

Keep posting for support, but only when YOU want to - you don;t owe any of us updates,

Thank you 😊

Start to avoid him where possible.
Early night, not feeling well.
Long bath.
Sorting the kids.
Anything to avoid being near him.

You're going to be so much better when it's over. So much freer and happier xxx

He is emotionally and financially abusive.

Thank you for the tips.
I remind myself how much I deserve and and this is not my fault.