I’m so lonely

[Seashellsandsand]

That’s it.
Late fourties’ and never thought I would end up like this. I’m so sad about it.
I have one long distance online friend. Friendships have come and gone year after year until there is no one. I just wish I knew how to hold onto friends.
If I died no one would come to my funeral.
There is no possibility of making new friends. I work alone , kids left school. No hobbies due to mental health ( no help for that either)
I know I sound no fun whatsoever. Sat here crying yet again over it.

Feel free to message me x

Do you have any old friends on social media you could ask to meet up? Even one or two good friends can make a huge difference to your well-being.

Sorry OP that sounds tough.

How would it be if you focused on being a good friend to others for a few months, and experimenting with that for a while?

sorry you are feeling so down. What about joining an exercise class ? I joined a Zumba class recently and I’ve met some really nice people. What about considering volunteering- as well as being a great thing to do it will also help you meet other people.

Sending all the love. You can message me if you like? I might take a while to answer but I will!

@PiffleWiffleWoozle There is no one to be a good friend to !
@Smellywellyhoo I don’t do social media due to my ex so not an option I’m afraid.
@Itstimetoquit that’s kind of you
whereabouts are you in the world. ?

I know I sound such a weirdo having no friends.
Over the years it’s just being an accumulation of friendships fizzling out or they stop bothering with me unless I message / phone them. I’m not overbearing or too much. I can go quiet sometimes if my mental health isn’t good but I would never ignore someone. Now my kids have left school there is no chat at the school gates. Friends I did make there have either ghosted me or made it difficult to remain in friendship circles. It’s sad.

@Lozzerbmc I have severe confidence issues so would be terrified of going alone to anything.

@whatfreshheck thanks

My parents are my only friends in the world and when they die I will have no one.

You can pm me if you want x

I understand how mental health issues can make you insular sometimes. I have friends but I'm not as close to them as they are to each other. I find it hard to see but have accepted that it's a consequence of my anxiety. I'm always here if you need to chat! No one should be lonely xxx

@Seashellsandsand I felt like this at one point and for similar reasons to you but am actually a chatty friendly person- but even then it happened to me- there are many people in same position too, but at the time it feels like just you - in my case too many house moves, working for ourselves, husband who knew a lot of people but no local friends etc,.

What I did was forced myself to go to a few 'meet ups' and a voluntary role. I met a fantastic person there who I got on with- she then introduced me to her small group of friends and within a month I had a regular group of 'mates' - it only takes 1 special friend to make a real difference OP but even if hard you have to at some point get out of a comfort zone to meet new people. Are there any groups around you focussing on mental health that you could join in??

I'm sorry op.

I was in a similar position about 10 years ago. I was single, very lonely, had 1 friend who was very busy and I rarely saw, and had an anxiety disorder bordering on agoraphobia.

It's a big leap, but can I suggest that you look into whether you have a Buddhist centre near you?

I'm not a Buddhist, or religious at all, and had no affiliation with them at all. But I started going to meditation and yoga sessions. I found it calming that it didn't require interaction with other people but at the same time you're "doing" something involving other people. Meditation is obviously a mostly silent class where you're just listening to the session leader, so that helped my social anxiety. I didn't have to feel too socially weird because I didn't have to speak, in fact you weren't supposed to.

I then started going to yoga, which led to going to retreats. I found Buddhists/people that attended to be friendly but not too loud/forceful. I could go along dressed in scruffs and no make up and blended in perfectly 😂

I'd highly recommend looking up your local Buddhist centre and going along to beginners meditation or mindfulness. You don't have to speak, nobody does. When I started I was a silent person terrified of having a panic attack if anything was asked of me. After 5 years I was joining them on yoga and mindfulness retreats in Scotland and France.

I'm still not a Buddhist, it's not an expectation. It's more about the teaching and about looking after yourself.

Feel free to message me too! I've experienced loneliness, it's horrible

Please look into counselling options. You deserve more than this. Mind have call options to talk to people about their mental health. Please Google mind for your area. There is always a way. If you could make a plan for something you would like to do. What would it be? No matter how small. Maybe even starting with free body coach sessions On you tube. Sending love ❤️

@IncessantNameChanger thanks 🙂
@Crikeyalmighty Not that I’m aware of no I don’t think there’s any groups.
@Babycakes39 thanks 🙂@Herecomesthestrawberries Thank you 🙂
@Buttingtons That sounds nice and I’m glad that it worked out for you. I’m not aware of any Buddhist places around here. I like the idea of just being present in a mindfulness way. Not sure if there is anything local to me.

I’m grateful for all your posts. Thanks for taking time to do so.
Got an early start tomorrow. So off for some shut eye.

What area are you in op? I could have a look for you. Not all of the groups are official centres, but I've been with groups in most of east anglia, the midlands, and Scotland.

Honestly, there are places to go. It took me a long time to start chatting to people, and I didn't want to engage too much at first. But you feel connected just being in a group like that.

@Jewel7 i have been through all the channels. There is nothing they will offer me re mental health. Nothing despite long term issues. NHS mental health doesn’t exist. Unfortunately I cannot afford counselling.

The other thing I'd say is that Buddhist groups often just ask for a contribution based on what you can afford. I paid £2 a week at my first sessions.

When I did an MBSR group they asked you to pay what you could afford based on your income. Weekend drop ins were often just put whatever coins you have in the tin.

See if there are any Quakers local to you. Their real name is the Society of Friends and they are exactly that, no belief required whatsoever. You sit in silence for an hour; people may speak on a topic/issue/news item/thought or they may not. Once someone has spoken they don't speak again, so no-one dominates. My local ones have a Zoom option. Afterwards there is tea and cake (virtually over zoom!) and you can chat, or not. It is surprisingly moving sitting in silence with friendly people.

Quakers are free and no-one is asked to 'join' either.

And you would certainly not be the only worried, anxious or lonely person there at all. I ended up meeting several solitary people that came together for the same reason.

The other best thing I did at that point in my life was get a cat 😂 he is wonderful and an absolute gift, and I much prefer his company to 90% of humans.

I would wholeheartedly recommend you get a dog. They are amazing companions, they get you out of the house and they’re a great excuse to strike conversations with random people (if you’re in the mood).

And…you’re not alone!

Yes! Animal friends 😂

I swear my good cat boy has been a far more positive influence in my life than X number of friends and romantic partners.

He does claw my trousers when I walk by him if I don't fuss him/occasionally disguise himself as the stair carpet so I nearly fall, but well worth it.

Cats and dogs are comical and wonderful companions. Highly recommended.

I have two dogs. They force me out the door each day. I often speak to people when I’m out with them but it never goes beyond the usual conversations. One of the dogs pulls badly and is reactive to everything so I’m usually rushing to get home. They give me company but it’s just not the same.
I do have a DP but It’s not the same as having girl friends to natter with or go out with.