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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband can only have sex every other day - is this normal?

46 replies

GotMyMojoBack · 30/08/2022 22:02

My husband struggles to have sex more than every other day. As in, finds it hard to get or keep an erection if we have sex more often than this. I do get that that’s quite frequent to be having sex anyway so I’m not complaining but for some reason, in recent months, at certain points of the month im so horny and really want to do it every day! He’s not complaining about this haha but we have always taken it for what it is that he’s better when we only do it every two days. Just wondered if this was normal? I’ve not had a lot of partners before (apart from one who could have done it 3 times a day if I’d let him lol) so wasn’t sure if this was common. Thanks.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 30/08/2022 22:03

How old is he?

Original poster
GotMyMojoBack · 30/08/2022 22:04

33 (I’m 42).

OP posts:
Octomore · 30/08/2022 22:04

Yes, age is a fairly major factor IME.

For a young man, this would be very unusual.

Octomore · 30/08/2022 22:05

33 is pretty young, so yes, it's not common.

QS90 · 30/08/2022 22:08

My OH has this, and is just 30. Think it's pretty normal tbf.

Afterfire · 30/08/2022 22:10

Maybe he’s just knackered?!

Amazongirl9 · 30/08/2022 22:12

What else is going on in his life ? Stressful job , medication etc might not be helping.

cherry2727 · 30/08/2022 22:17

Could it be that he has a low sex drive ? I'm early 30s and this would be way too often for me! I just have a low sex drive !

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/08/2022 22:21

Overweight? Smoker? Stressed? Has he always been like this? He’s only young.

Afterfire · 30/08/2022 22:23

cherry2727 · 30/08/2022 22:17

Could it be that he has a low sex drive ? I'm early 30s and this would be way too often for me! I just have a low sex drive !

Exactly.

Twice a week would still be considered quite a lot
for most people!

DoItAfraid · 30/08/2022 22:25

@GotMyMojoBack

Just here to register my similar, we sudden surge in sex drive - am 41.

Hillary17 · 30/08/2022 22:54

Fairly normal, everyone is different! My husband has a lower sex drive than me & always has - he’s happy with once a fortnight!

Original poster
GotMyMojoBack · 30/08/2022 23:13

@Amazongirl9 Yes, stressful job, we have two little children so v little sleep… but it has been this way in our 8 years of marriage since I can remember, so I don’t really get the feeling it’s that. I just want it more now than I ever did, maybe being in my 40s??! But he has always been the same, since we got married and he was age 25.

OP posts:
Original poster
GotMyMojoBack · 30/08/2022 23:15

@DoItAfraid i didn’t really believe it was a thing! Same for you then? I’ve never even really had a sex drive now it’s the complete opposite!

OP posts:
Original poster
GotMyMojoBack · 30/08/2022 23:17

Thanks everyone - maybe I’ll just put it down to him just having that level of sex drive and not think it might be something to worry about.

OP posts:
gogohmm · 30/08/2022 23:17

Dp struggles a bit but he's double their age! I think every other day is quite often. I know what you mean Grin some days!

LilianLenton · 30/08/2022 23:18

It could be that he just has a longer refractory period than average?

Original poster
GotMyMojoBack · 30/08/2022 23:21

@LilianLenton what does that mean, like his sperm needs longer to replenish?!

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 30/08/2022 23:22

Relationship wise if it works for ye both grand. But something in the back of my mind is rattling about if men don't have involuntary erections, e g. morning then it may be an indication of circulation issues might be worth keeping an eye on.

He is quite young to have trouble as i am reading that he is unable to versus

not in the mood, which is different.

Geogaddi · 30/08/2022 23:22

Lol! I went 5 years without sex in my last relationship and this latest one is about once a month which is more than enough for me. We are all different. These threads do always make me feel like there is something gravely wrong with my libido though. Xx

Original poster
GotMyMojoBack · 30/08/2022 23:26

@Marblessolveeverything makes sense what your saying. Thank you. Maybe we’ll keep this in mind and see how it goes. It is more can’t when wants to rather than doesn’t want to. But then I sometimes can’t climax when I want to, though I suppose it’s a bit more complex for women for some reason. I will keep this in mind, it’s helpful, thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
GotMyMojoBack · 30/08/2022 23:30

@Geogaddi - this was me. So not interested in sex at all. My husband and I went about 3-4 years not doing it after I had children but even in the beginning I wasn’t fussed. But I’d say last 6 months or so that’s totally changed. Maybe it’s being in my 40s - I thought this was a myth. I’m 42 but I had a baby 18 months ago so wasn’t up to anything for ages! How old are you? I’m praying my libido doesn’t go for a while as for the first time in my life I’m enjoying sex. Sorry if I made you feel there was something wrong with you - not my intention at all. So sorry.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 30/08/2022 23:51

Christ, my Dh would run a mile if I demanded sex every other day. 😬 When we were TTC our youngest, he was knackered 3 days in a row!

I think most people in LTR do not have sex every day or every other. I know I’d be annoyed not being in the mood and Dh pestering me.

Davy009 · 31/08/2022 00:34

i guess every couple is different and you never know what people do or how often, im in my 50's and we do it maybe once a fortnight, but i have a high sex drive, so masturbate most days and have done for years (she is ok with this by the way), but we have friends who go for mths without, so if it isnt an issue then nothing to worry about

Carlycat · 31/08/2022 00:55

Get a vibrator