Starting again at 40 - the reality?

[parkloaf]

So it's very new and raw that DH left me and our young children after 10 years of marriage

I guess I just want to know that this isn't it. That I won't be alone forever now. I don't need a man to define me but it's been the best part of 18 years I was with him. The thought of starting again is frightening

Believe me that I don't want to jump back in the pool as soon as the ink is dry on our divorce but I guess I'd like to hear some nice stories that you've gone on to meet someone better and you're happy and how you met?

I think I fear feeling lonely the most

Honestly @parkloaf you could actually be me! I feel exactly the same and your thoughts about having so much love to give really resonate with me. Whilst it's heartbreaking we (along with many many others) are in the same situation, it does somehow make it that tiny bit less lonely. I really hope that makes sense.

I found an appropriate counsellor for me about a week afterwards. I knew the type I would prefer having had some experience previously (eg person centred rather than CBT style). I'm funding it myself and yes it is rather expensive but I feel it's such a good investment for my future wellbeing and mental health. I really would recommend either paying for it if you can afford to it signing up for NHS/work one if your employer offers it x

Sorry, that should say "or NHS...." can't find an edit button!

I only communicate with ex now about arrangements for dc. So times of pick up, joint school stuff like concerts, school uniform etc. occasionally send a picture if we do something interesting. It then I didn’t used to send him many pictures before.

Learning to be by yourself is one of the key things. And you’ll end up loving it!

@parkloaf thank you; on reflection I shouldn’t have mentioned it.
I suppose I was trying to say you will be fine and date again if you want to but first take care of you and your kids. You can Start a list of accomplishments and add to it every week no matter how big or small; you can keep a journal and get the frustrations out of your head and onto paper. All will be well

Getting back into the dating game in my mid 40s was, in retrospect, one of the most amazing times of my life (although not plain sailing by any means).

However, this was before the days of OLD and to be honest I'm not sure I could have coped with that.

There are lots of other ways to meet people, e.g. music festivals, outdoors adventures, evening classes.

My friend was absolutely broken when her husband of ten years left her, she had to take it one day at a time and be kind to herself as she’s very insecure but she’s now the happiest she’s ever been! She has dated a couple of men and is very happily seeing someone else atm it’s been about 6 months now