Did he hack my phone?

[Lightpetal]

It's so late here where I live but I can't sleep...My mind is racing... (Have already previously posted but I really needed to ask this before I lose my mind).

For 2 years, I have been in a controlling, abusive relationship where I have been blamed for a lot of stuff (including 'ruining' my partners mental health - his words).

I did some really silly stuff during our relationship which I am not proud of, and I have repetitively apologized for this, and have tried to make up to him and make him happy. I was messaging someone else at the very start (but never physically cheated) and I worked online doing some risqué stuff, let's say. I didn't tell my partner because Covid hit, I really needed the money and it was early on in our relationship. I regret not telling him and he has reminded me of this ever since.

This is where things get interesting...

The way he found this information out was he asked someone he knew (who was very 'high up') to see what I was up to. This guy he knew worked on the dark web, and so my partner gave him my number. The next day, my partner showed me what he had found and I apologized profusely and we agreed to work on our relationship.

Since then (about 2 years) my partner has been receiving private conversations, pictures, Skype/Facebook messages, private phone calls and private emails and sites that I have visited DIRECTLY to his phone. I was awake one night and I could see that a conversation I had started on another forum was getting airdropped to him but I couldn't do anything to stop it.

Every time he has received something he didn't know about, he would hit the roof, and would question and interrogate me for hours. The mad thing is, I have never once, questioned whether it could be him. It honestly did not cross my mind. It was only today on another thread that a couple of MNers mentioned it. Now, I can't not stop thinking about it.

He and (I) have always assumed it was someone online. Someone I spoke to, or that someone was out to get me, or jealous that I was happy. That's where the blame always lay. These messages and private conversations were only airdropped to him when my phone was on (or so I thought). It appeared that the sites I had visited on my laptop were also sent to his phone, or he certainly had knowledge about them that he would use in an argument to 'surprise me' so I would look really bad and couldn't say anything back.

We had a huge argument yesterday and he threatened to expose what I used to do on Facebook and said he was recording our conversation...this type of language about recording me without my knowledge etc just made me convince myself it was him.

He has previously said everytime that when he received something it ruined him..and he hated technology being in our lives. In the end I smashed my phone into a million pieces. He was still getting things sent to him when we moved from the UK, which I still didn't understand.

Here's the thing. My bank account has never been stolen or hacked into.
My other friends and ex partner (to my best knowledge) have never received anything like my partner has.
It is only him.

I believe now it's 100% him. Anyone else?!

So it's fine to prioritise an abusive, threatening bully because you love him and he's been feeling rough, poor lamb, but not to prioritise your innocent child who's been dragged into this situation by you and will now have to continue living in this toxic environment that will most likely escalate to watching / hearing you get knocked about. Great. Well done. Mother of the year award goes to you 👍

He's done things which are illegal, including behaving in a way which would be considered controlling and abusive by the police. What on earth could you have done that is to the same degree?

Has he admitted and explained exactly what he did and is he in any way sorry for it? He would have to at least have done that to warrant another chance for me.

Has he hacked your MN account now and posted that himself?

If so - you're an arse and she's leaving you.

OP - it’s normal for abusers to behave well some of the time. It’s the cycle of abuse. No-one would stick around for full-time abuse.

All relationships are great when things are going well. It’s how they are when things are bad that’s the measure. This guy sounds really dangerous and I hope you feel able to get away some time very soon.

Remember you’re a mother and this isn’t just about you. It’s also about what your DC is learning about relationships.

Oh for gods sake.

Yes I’d imagine he’s managed to hack her MN account. She wouldn’t do this to her daughter

He then came close to my face and asked if I wanted to be hit by him. He punched the wall instead. Our last argument when I tried to leave he threatened to smash my face/teeth in, and called me a slag, a c u next Tuesday and other names. He stole all my possessions and threatened to smash them up if I got help.

And you're keeping your child in an abusive home because you 'love' this man? The man you described as doing the above?

Your poor kid. It's a terrible thing for a child to know their mum loves and cares for a man more than them.

Shame you could give this man a chance but not give your child a chance at a safe, stable environment to grow up in.

I'd say double up on contraception but I don't think you'll listen.

Plot twist. He wont change.
If your child has witnessed any abuse it will effect their development and mental health. Children cannot thrive in hostile environment and social services should be involved.
Look up the cycle of abuse.

This has to be a spoof post surely or something really bad has happened

OP seriously I despair.

This man within days/weeks hacked your phone so he monitored every text, WhatsApp, messenger, internet search, photo, social media post, phone call.

And then used them against you.

And spun you some story like he had a mate in GCHQ.

He's a fucking nutter.

Come on for gods sake!

Leave and contact the police. Accessing other people’s accounts is a crime, especially as he threatened to use the information against you.

As for the darknet and your phone number, the only way the “hacker” could have accessed your accounts would be if your information was part of a breach. You would have been notified if this happened, but in case you somehow missed it, you can enter your email addresses at haveibeenpwned.com. You can also check their breach list to see if you use of the companies listed.

Saying that, I agree with the others that it’s more likely that your devices have been synced which means you need to delete your apple/icloud accounts too.

As for him threatening to post things on Facebook, I suggest you get ahead of him and warn the people you know that someone is threatening you and ask them to lock down their profiles and not accept messages or requests from anyone they don’t know.

Have you checked where you are logged into your Google account?

Has he hacked you and made you write this? Very odd update!!

Think of your child.

Your poor poor child. They deserve so much better than being raised in this environment by a raging bully and his poor deluded victim. I hope somebody reports your situation to social services and they intervene to force you to leave him. Threatening to smash your face in? Cashing you a slag and a cunt? Stalking behaviour and lies from a monster of a man. No kid deserves this.

It doesn't matter about the phone - if he has your Apple ID and password - and it sounds like he does - you need to change the password and enable two factor authentication. Otherwise he'll just get back in.

You can see what devices are registered to your Apple ID online. Go to appleid.Apple.com, sign in and look under Devices. You'll see any phones/tablets/other log ins there.

Don’t be such a fucking mug.

Your poor child.

I think he's seen this thread.

I hope you're safe OP.

Yes, looking at the wording I think you're right.

Terrible.

What a worrying update!

I hope you're ok OP!

Jesus Christ, this is so sinister

I know... I'm almost having nightmares about it!

Hello everyone.

Just wanted to share this quick update. The post I wrote about giving him another chance etc was all a decoy - sorry it I worried anyone. I became so paranoid that he was reading this that I needed to write something that made it seem like I was staying.

Secondly, I have left. DC and I are safe. It all came to a head on the day I left, and I told him I knew exactly what he had done and I was leaving. Naturally, he was in complete and total shock and sworn down it wasn't him. I am thinking maybe it wasn't because I do know every time he received private stuff it would destroy him, and he hated seeing stuff from my past. I guess I will never know the truth...

I was convinced it was him because when he was in one of his 'episodes' as I liked to call them, he told me he knew his ex sent messages to other people and he seemed to know exactly what voice messages she had had with other people. He also seemed to know what her browsing history was. He gave reasons for all my accusations.

Anyways, he broke down crying hysterically and smashed up my phone. I left after that and since then he has apologised and told me he has changed and he will never shout at me again and I can be the man that I met etc.

On the flip side, me and dc have had a lovely time in a new city and she's been very happy :)

@Lightpetal oh my goodness I'm so glad to hear you're ok!!! Well done!! X