I've had my head turned

[rosewellington]

Same old, a guy at work. I know how this goes. But bloody hell I still want to.

We're both married with kids. We have some work night's out coming up and a group long weekend away coming up. We've just started working together but already have each other's phone numbers.

He's already started reciting the script about his wife. We're very friendly at work, so much so that people will begin to notice. I know it's wrong but after supporting your alcoholic husband for years, it feels good to have that excitement again that you thought was gone forever.

I have blossomed in the past year and I'm finally happy in myself, after discovering who I am. I know what I should do but I can't make that move to leave. I also don't want to start something that will feel amazing at the time but will ultimately end in tears.

"have blossomed in the past year and I'm finally happy in myself, after discovering who I am."
Discovering you're a low life attention seaking cheat and homewrecker to detract fron your marital problems....hardly blossoming OP!

Give your head a wobble, grow up and address your own problems before adding to them. For a start not daring to leave alcoholic OH as he may harm himself - imagine how you can scar him for rest of his life by cheating on him.
Cripes think of your DC's, married man's wife and DC's as well.

Leave your marriage. Don’t have an affair with a married man. He’s a twat. Your husband is an addict. Time to start valuing yourself.

Remember OP that the person who is making you happy now is a liar and a cheat no matter how bad his marriage is and is he really a good catch eh?

Such an odd phrase, as if some spell has been cast over you, as if you have are passive. It’s in the same territory as ‘mistakes were made’; in politics sometimes called the past exonerative.

Yes. It's more accurate to say "I've turned my head to look at another man."

You sound so unhappy with your DH, I'd start writing down your plan to leave. Of course you don't want him to hurt himself but that's his personal responsibility and not yours.

Google limerence. This is what you are experiencing. It changes your brain chemistry. Look, if you do fuck this work colleague you both know that you are untrustworthy cheaters. Leave your husband and heal and don't fuck your job up by shagging a married colleague. Apart from anything it will make you such a cliche.

Yes. It's more accurate to say "I've turned my head to look at another man*

Yes she's had her head turned, I'm thinking more 'The Exorcist'.

Head turning is definitely not the way to go, but it does sound better than I'm going to shag a married man with kids and destroy another woman's life.

Could you minimise it further op ?
Maybe dance arround the maypole or a bit of how's your father, making whoopee sounds quite innocuous, see it's all in the words, if you can get it right it can really help with that annoying concience that sometimes creeps in.

And when the dust settles and it's all over you can say one of my personal favourites "it's never just black and white"

I'm glad you've blossomed op in the past year but I think your timing is slightly off and skewed.

Promiscuity is for single people op, not for say a man to go prancing arround like king kong whilst his wife puts another wash on, or for a woman to pretend she Deta Von Teese ptting on a show whist her husband unblocks the sink at home.

Be a grown up and get single first, otherwise it's just nonsense.
It's not real, the only reality is the pain which will be felt by those you hurt.

If you’ve blossomed into someone you’ve always wanted to be, why would you want to be with a man who cheats on his wife?

I’ve blossomed into someone who sleeps with married men. Beautiful.

Just leave your husband. He's an alcoholic and I know exactly what that entails. You can do this.

Forget the colleague. You would be replacing one man shaped problem with another. He's a distraction and an exit plan . You don't need him to justify leaving the husband.

It's tempting because it feels good and you can see how easy it would be. Of course it's tempting, but you also know what the consequences are likely to be. I'm not talking about your husband. We all face temptations to do different things but we don't do them because we know that a short term fix of feel good probably won't feel so good in the long run. It's what stops me reaching for a drink in the middle of the day for example - feeling a bit shit, I know a glass of wine would take the edge off - but I do not do it because I'd end up like your husband if I started doing shit like that. Close the damn fridge woman!!! You know this makes sense. A more interesting way to spend your time would be figuring out that you are not responsible for your alcoholic DH - it's despicable that you are being emotionally blackmailed and controlled by him and forced to collude with his addiction. Having an affair is just a fantasy escape from your current reality - escape for real.

It's just lust
It will end in tears
Get therapy - Google al alon
Good luck

This new man is not much of a catch is he. Who wants a bloke more than ready to cheat on his wife and family and shag a married woman.

It is easy to quickly cross the line

This is something I see trotted out all the time about cheating but it's a huge myth, isn't it? I mean it's physically easy to kiss someone, sure, it doesn't require Olympic training or a PhD. But it's also pretty easy to have some self-control.

I find it incredible the amount of people who apparently can't feel attraction for someone else (entirely normal) without acting on it.

Anyway OP obviously knows all the things people have been telling her but I would underline that, on top of cheating being a terrible idea with anyone, it's a doubly terrible idea to do with someone at work. Especially if you don't think you could even conduct it without everyone noticing. (Surely discretion isn't that hard either?)

Posting in a bit of solidarity OP.

Bit different in that there's been no script on either side (little niggles aside, we both speak highly of our spouses). We work really closely together and spend a lot of time doing so, much of it alone, much of it driving or waiting for something or otherwise with time to chat. I've only ever been this viscerally attracted to one other person in my life (not my DH).

No idea if he feels the same, but nothing's going to happen anyway. Flipping inconveniently distracting while I ride it out though.