Husband is a porn addict

[Snoozley]

About a month ago I discovered my porn addicted husband has gone one step further to camgirl chats... I am not sure how long it's gone on for but he has run up debts on credit cards over £10k.. These were secret credit cards and he's been taking money secretly out of joint account to pay for it.

I am absolutely devastated. My marriage of 30 years is trashed. Our sex life has disintegrated partly cos of menopause low libido but also as over the years he has been quite pressuring about sex to the point I didn't want him near me.. He viewed por n before we met and I tolerated it because he said he needed it, but I assumed it was free... He blamed me for the cam girl use as I didn't give him sex.. He claims he always talked nicely to them and that it wasn't infidelity as it was virtual not in flesh.. I am sure he's been using a camera himself... I don't have details. He thinks there's nothing wrong with team by money he earnt our of joint account because he could afford it. We have had to tap into joint savings to get the debt down and he still owes a lot.. We have argued a lot to the point of me being so stressed I have been having panic attacks.. I have felt mentally unwell. I threatened to leave but he's devastated and says he will change and to to therapy. He still believes cybersex is not being unfaithful and justifies sneaking money out of account and hiding credit cards as he earns more and says it's not lying.. I feel sick... I have no idea how much money he's taken from account. If you met him your think he was a nice guy.. My emotions are all over the place.. Hate, anger and numbness..I feel nothing for him now and would leave it I could get financially independent.. Anyone else been through this..

Non-emotional, not personal, paid for, professional service. Wife doesn't want to provide, husband gets online therapy

Sure sounds like you are to me. And cam girls aren’t therapists, FFS.

It’s a bloke. Ignore. Probably come over from the sex chat board which is now part of the mainstream site so thinks his version of what relationships should look like will be received warmly

Jog on. Your”men must get sex or their knob falls off” narrative is out of place here.

There's so much of it around mn at the moment AF it's doing my head in

It's really unpleasant reading all these reductive, stepford wives style posts about what a wife "should" do and sympathy for men being absolute knobs as they must have been driven to it by their shit wives

Yuck

I know you like to hate on men, but I never said it was a woman's job and/or a man's entitlement. I simply said 'provide'. Sex is a two-way street, and if either one is not interested in providing it, then the other is bound to seek either alternate arrangements, or be unhappy.

And love the sexism here... I might not have been articulating this as well as I'd have liked, but you're talking about a man and yet men's views are automatically wrong and not wanted? "Jog on... he's a man... he came from the sex boards"... bravo.

You came on here as a man to play ‘devil’s advocate’ and defend the actions of a man who stole from a joint account, racked up thousands in debt to ‘cam girls’ and whom is claiming his adultery is in fact an addiction.

You’re wrong because you’re wrong, not because you (presumably) have a penis.

There is no excuse for spending thousands of joint assets on sex workers.

If lack of sex is such a big problem he should have been up front and left her.

Instead he's cheating, lying, running up debts she's paying for and trying to make it someone else's fault. With a side order of repulsing her by pressuring her for sex.

Why do you feel the need to play "devil's advocate" for someone who's behaving so badly?

If your partner cheated on you because you wouldn't/couldn't have as much sex as they wanted, would your reaction really be "oh that's ok, perfectly understandable you'd look elsewhere. Here, let me pay off that bank loan".

If so you are a mug.