Sorry, it's a long read.have been with my partner for nearly ,8 years. He is a widower. We have not lived together as we have 5 children between us and it isn't practical. The usual pattern has been that I spend every other weekend with them and half school holidays when my children are with their dad. I'd meet up with friends etc during these times giving them family time too, especially when they were young and our relationship new. The ages of the kids range from 15 to 20.
I have just spent a long weekend, most of it trailing behind my partner and his 20 year old daughter in a festival. As I couldn't keep up with their walking pace. I was mostly told where we were going next. She had taken a photo of me, I never like photos taken and she knows it, it was done without me realising. She told me "you won't like it" I asked her to kindly delete it twice. Instead she laughed, she showed it to her father and they had a good old long belly laugh about it. It hurt me because I'm going through early menopause and struggling, which I have told him about. I excused myself to go to the loo and put space between us. I was later criticised by him and told I needed to grow up. That she wouldn't have made fun of me if she didn't like me.
I have always respected the needs/ wants dynamic and the need for children to be prioritised. My partner agreed for her to come home from uni during covid lockdown as she was bored, brought a friend. My boys had to lockdown with their dad and I was with my partner.
I had suggested if the plan could be paused due to vulnerable family members, and the fact that lockdown was potentially to be lifted in 2 weeks. I was seeing my boys at weekends, under covid rules. My request that masks be worn in the car when she and her friend were being picked up wasn't respected. Anyway, of course I moved out to reduce risks.
He treats her different to the sons, he comes down heavy on them.
I feel that I am not his equal adult or peer, rather she is. I have been asked to move in but I don't feel I can. I feel that whilst my partner shows he doesn't respect my feelings, show that I am important to him she will continue to undermine me on the few occasions I fo stand up for myself rather than let things pass which I usually do. I feel she is beginning to undermine me. She will lie with her dad on the sofa, legs entwined on film night, do I don't sit on the sofa. My love language is physical affection but don't make a fuss about this, just pull up a chair. She will be home from finishing uni, when I would potentially move in with my youngest. We had a lovely relationship, I don't know whether she sees me as a threat to the equilibrium of her relationship with her dad, after the covid issue. I ask him if he has thought this could be true. He told me it's all in my head.There is tension there now, I will work through this but Kim not sure if I can be with a partner who doesn't respect me.