Massive argument still reeling

[Mumnavigation]

Long one here and I’m not sure what I’m even asking at this point but I just need to put my feelings somewhere and I don’t want to involve family and friends as it’s so sensitive.

had a massive blow up argument with my husband. Luckily kids were out for the day with grandparents.

my husband said some super hurtful things it stings badly. Back storey it I have anxiety and atm it’s at its highest for a long time. My confidence and self esteem is rock bottom and I feel pretty useless. I’ve been proactive and reached out and now I’m on a waiting list for cbt to combat the anxiety.

The argument started about jobs around the house as usual but then turned personal like really really personal.

my husband started saying things about our sex life or lack of. Now I know we don’t often atm it’s been for a few months if honest it’s only a few times a month atm but I’m struggling to see myself in that way and we’d spoke about that and he seemed to be super supportive. But today he threw it in my face.

he told me he’d rather F a corpse than me as it’d have more life. That I’m shit at everything I do in bed even when I do do it. He even made a reference to my wonky breast. ( something I’ve always said 1 is slightly less pert than the other hes always told me it isn’t and I’m being too picky on myself ) but today he made a reference to that and it hurt pretty bad.
said he’d probably he happier with someone else as he’d actually be getting it. That I never initiate it and that makes me lazy. And that I should want it and I should be more sexy. And a whole lot more ….

we’ve been together 15 years always been active sexually except right now and when my son was born and was in hospital for the first 6 months of life. He did commet at that time that it was “ my duty “ to preform as a wife. Which he quickly retracted as I think he realised how awful he sounded. But it’s always stuck with me.

Let me mention he had to take viagra at the beginning of the year as he started medication that effected his ability which has now resolved but then he would tell me I’m sexy and attractive and he can’t get enough of me when I beat myself up about it.

He told me today that 4 times a week should be a minimum that normal women want it that amount or more. But I know for a fact my friends don’t!! Which I threw a comment to him about maybe a would if he didn’t have a limp dick ( not proud of myself but I’d had enough at that point )

im struggling to not hate myself right now. I feel dirty and a fool. We had sex this morning a good few hours before all this so it just really caught me off guard! As he at the time said he enjoyed it and all the usual stuff / faces etc but I’m I really that pathetic and stupid I just don’t know.

the argument got bad I admit I was wrong he was stood in front of me and when he was saying about my breasts I pushed him away he then pushed my back and there was a too and Fri of that before I broke down crying to which he said in a mocking tone oh are you going to have a panic attack ? Are you going to get your palpitations?? Yeah?? Having a panic are we??

I walked away. And it hurts bad. Since that point he’s acted normal with me and said what he said to hurt me. He was lashing out. Said he does want it more and normal women do want it. Hasn’t said sorry for it all tho.

I hurt so bad. And I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do going forward. The thought of being intimate ever with him makes my skin crawl now.

what do I do now??

you don’t have to accept those low blows. What kind of husband mocks his wife’s panic attacks? A soon to be ex one I hope. Ugh

No wonder you don't feel interested in being intimate with him if he's planted all this horrible self doubt crap in your head. He's ruined it all. I'm hazarding a guess that your anxiety is rooted in him being quite a nasty vindicative bastard. Deep down you know it and you deserve so so so so much more.

So, in your heart of hearts you know its over. Now its time to think and plan. You're not alone, you have this site with a wealth of experience, information and support. I would go to bed and have a good sleep. In the morning start a new thread on here asking for advice on planning your breakaway from this horrible man x

I'm willing to bet money that your lack of confidence in yourself is down to being with this horrible man.

Also willing to bet that if you leave him, your anxiety will quickly get a lot easier to live with.

Sending you courage, OP

Oh, op

Ialso say ypu need to leave him ASAP but I appreciate its not always so simple and that you'll need some time to plan your exit. Please do start planning.

In the meantime, tell him that that's a few hundred women with this site in common who wouldn't touch him with a bargepole.

And thousands more who'd never dream of using this site.

Despicable and disgusting human being and he'd struggle to attract a centipede let alone a woman with a modicum* of self respect.

*He might need to look up this word, have a dictionary handy (just in case he tries to accuse you of laziness again, the fuckwit).

He can fuck right off with his 'normal' women. There is no norm for sexual desire and in your shoes I doubt whether I'd want to sleep with him ever again. So sorry he's being a shit, hope you find headspace to consider your options.

I disagree with most of the PP. This was a horrible argument and many things were said that shouldn't have been said. But these things can happen in relationships and there is no rule saying once you have a massive, ugly row, your relationship can't be mended.

In fact I'd bet that a good portion of those PP pushing you to leave, have at some point in their lives had ugly fights with someone close to them, yet still managed to repair the relationship.

OP, it's up to you how to proceed, and only you know if this is a regular occurrence or a one-off nasty fight, brought on by things going downhill for some time and it came to a head tonight.

Sleep on it. Things always look different in the morning. And the adage act in haste repent at leisure is as true now as always.

I would say that your OH might actually be the cause of your anxiety… or at least a significant contributor to it. This behaviour of his hasn’t come out of nowhere.

You deserve better. He sounds abusive. If you leave him after everything is settled for a while I reckon you’ll feel much better. 💐 for you. He sounds vile.

He sounds awful

That is absolutely vile, I’m afraid he’s shown his true colours, what he’s really capable of.
You’ll be better without him, his behaviour is unforgivable.

Toxic…spend time apart then think. He won’t change it will get worse as time goes on. He sounds awful. I too believe your anxiety will miraculously get better once be is out of the picture. I feel exhausted just reading about him.

So many threads this evening where men are being horrible and cruel to their partners.
You can do better. You have low self esteem and anxiety because you are living with a twat. Get rid.

Sounds like he is the main source of these panic attacks tbh. It's probably your body reacting to being around someone who means you harm.

Money wise, you'll be owed in the divorce. Plus he will have to pay child support. If you live as the sole adult of a property, you will get council tax discount. And if you're on a low wage, you may be entitled to some top up money from the government. Ask and see what you'd be entitled to.

Also, have a think, is there anything in the home you could sell on ebay? Would your job give you extra hours? Could you pick up another little job on the side (you could maybe do a little cleaning job a few hours per week for an elderly person for example, for ten quid per hour and make a little extra that way).

You could also try get some extra money from him before leaving him. Eg, tell him the car has packed in and you could do with some cash for it. But obv that's risky so only if you absolutely need to.

Could mum move in with you and the kids? Then she could help out and her costs wouldn't be as much.

You can do this op. Think of it this way, would anything actually be worse than having to spend your life with this asshole?

He's making you sick.
But once he is gone, you'll start to feel so much better.

You need a divorce.

You poor woman.
What a truly shocking thread.

You are processing it all and that will take a bit of time.

But make no mistake, your marriage is 100% over.

If you can move to a spare bedroom do.

He is as nasty and emotionally abusive as possible so you need to protect yourself.

Take baby steps with planning.
Your mother may rely on you but you need to be honest.
Your marriage is over.

Tell your friends and take their support.
Find a good solicitor to speak to.
Gather all and any payslips, financial information, take copies.

One step at a time.
Keep posting.
We are here for you.

I agree. And he’s saying this just after you’ve had sex?

Also, 4 times a week should be a minimum, normal women want it that amount or more is bullsh*t.

Then kick him out . You deserve better. Vile waste of space.