Are my friends right or will finances be very hard now?

[Breeoy]

Basically DP left me mid pregnancy. We weren’t married but late 30s. I moved back to my home which is reasonably large 3/4 bed. The plan was we would live at his and I would continue to pay my mortgage separately as I’ve always done. I can’t rent it out.

I am now v anxious about money. He said he would support me and the baby I presume buying food as usual, paying for the rent and bills. I usually contribute 200 towards food and 100 towards bills as I have my own lower bills to run my house.

Now im faced with living alone friends are telling me I won’t be worse off as I should get 700 a month from him and I will now also get around 80 for child benefit.

I feel like he’s completely screwed me over. We talked in detail about the arrangement and he’d just abandoned us.

Can you rent some of your rooms out?

@Newusernameaug not with a baby but I could maybe down the line

Check what, if any benefits you can claim

Also work out how much child maint he is likely to give you

It will be hard, but worth it, I was a single parent when my dc were younger but we all managed it and came out unscathed.

It’s impossible for anyone to answer this question without knowing your monthly income and outgoings.

Make a spreadsheet of everything you expect will be coming in, and what all of your outgoings will be. Then you’ll know if you need to make sacrifices like cutting subscriptions etc

From a "reasonably large 3 / 4 bedroom" property, I might look at downsizing, so that you are less dependent on ex paying maintenance to meet your bills. Yes he should pay, but better if that's bonus rather than "if he doesn't pay, then I can't pay gas bill"

As a single parent with a baby a two bedroom flat may be a better choice than a big three bedroom house.

I’d not suggest moving while you are pregnant, but maybe down the line it’ll be the right option.

@StillGoingStrongToday two bed flats are around 100 less a month than my mortgage so it wouldn’t make it much easier…

Surely you would sell the house and buy a two bedroom flat, how would that only save you £100 a month?

@orbitalcrisis oh I see what you mean! Yes could sell and move but I would have to relocate as I’m in a residential area of houses, just checked and closest flat is 18 miles away

It wasn’t really a question of cutting cost it was basically whether with CM I’d be in the same position anyway. Which is what my friends are saying

It depends what his earnings are.
Have a look at entitled to to see if you can claim anything once baby's here

I think you’re going to find out quite soon that “only £100 per month” is a bit more significant than you think.

You are also ignoring heating costs, maintenance, council tax, garden costs…

If you can earn enough to stay in a big house then all well and good, but it sounds as though that may not be easy.

That is literally impossible to believe.

I’m out.

Well the simplist thing to do is use the online calculators.

both you and your friends are being unreasonable because you're making too many assumptions.

why do you think you can't get a lodger when you have a baby, plenty do.

if I could make the finances work I wouldn't sell & downsize. Much better to keep the house you have.

But basically, things will be tighter with 'just' CMS than it would be with shared expenses but you've lots of variables with changing expenses etc.

There really isn't any reason you could not do this with a baby, other than personal disinclination, and I think you might get over that pretty quickly if that's the difference which means your budget does add up after all

@Breeoy

In this current climate your are probably better off keeping your current mortgage as house prices have increased and mortgage I interest rates.

He will need to pay you maintenance and you will get around £90 a month child benefit bit you may also be entitled to working tax credit and child tax credit on maternity pay and when you return to work depending on your income.

Call your local citizens advice and they should be able to book an appointment before the baby is born to go through anything with you.

If you are on a low income you may also be entitled too a maternity sure start grant and Warm homes discount for money off your gas and electric.

As you are now only paying at one property and the baby's father will be paying maintenance it sounds like you will be around the same financially.

Congratulations on the baby

Now im faced with living alone friends are telling me I won’t be worse off as I should get 700 a month from him and I will now also get around 80 for child benefit.

Unfortunately lots of men are full of good intentions initially and the next thing you know they have given up their jobs so they can be self employed or some equally harebrained scheme so they don't have to pay any maintenance at all.

@StillGoingStrongToday eh? It’s called the countryside

@MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay sadly the reason we split was his obsession with work so I can’t see that changing anytime soon. At least not intentionally by him.

Have you ever lived rurally?
There are usually very few flats around…. And villages are far in between.

How much CM you get will be based on how much he earns and how much he has the child… what are your friends basing the £700 on? Have you had a discussion about how the child’s time will be split?

also does he earn via paye or his own business?

Smiling at those who think there are flats everywhere 🙂

Op, work out what he will need to give you in cms. Then add £90 a month child benefit, and your salary or UC (or both)

You will have 1 year maternity leave during which you will get a little maternity pay. Some mortgage companies offer payment holidays for maternity so check with them. Can you pay your mortgage out of savings for a while?

When dc is one, you need to find childcare and go back to work if you want to keep your house (and I strongly suggest you do). When dc is about 3 months, start looking for a childminder as close to work as possible.

If your ex resists paying cms, and some do, you will need to apply for more help, but cross that bridge if it happens.

Unless he’s a very high earner I wouldn’t bank on getting £700 a month from him. Put his earnings into the child maintenance calculator and be aware that anything above that he may give you is based on his choice and goodwill and therefore highly unlikely to happen especially into the medium-long term.

I’m sorry your relationship has broken down but bluntly, no, you will most likely not continue to have the same financial situation as previously. You’re most likely to be much worse off as a single parent compared to a two working parent household. How could it be otherwise, once there are two households to run out of the same total income?

Ok OP we need a lot more organised information to be able to actually offer useful advice.

• What is your work situation and salary?
• How much does your ex earn?
• Would your ex want to have shared custody?
• will you be returning to work? Have you costed childcare? Do you have family who would be able to help while you work?
• a 3/4 bedroom house in the countryside may not be practical based on maintenance/heating/mortgage or proximity to schools/nurseries etc so what is the value of the house and what would it cost for a 2/3 bed closer to amenities in your area?