What to think?

[planterscorgi]

If you knew a family man type, popular 'good bloke' in the local community, been married for years to an attractive woman, but then found out he had been visiting escorts, what would you think? Would it change your impression of him?

Without a doubt.

Of course. I'd think he was a sleazeball.

Of course.

Would it change the way you interacted with him though?

I would wonder who else i knew was visiting them too. Sadly i think its prolific.

Yeh I'm in that situation. I'm wondering if the men in the social group who are being strangely quiet on the subject are visiting escorts as well.

Why are you asking op. No, I don't think I could be friends with him. I could be civil if I had to be.

This. It shows he has no respect for women and views them as receptacles for his semen and there for his convenience and use.

Bit of a stupid question, isn't it?

When a woman in the social group didn't react any differently to him at all even saying that she'd just baked a cake and did he want a piece when he turned up, that got me thinking.

I don’t see why this is a stupid question. But yes, OP, I would think less of him. I hope he’s not in your close friendship group. I’d find that difficult.

I think what people say they would do in an abstract situation and what they would actually do if it was a friend or family member is very different.

I know 2 men who have been convicted of child sexual offences (against their own and other children in their families). We’re not talking child abuse images, which people seem to think is a bit more ‘victimless’ 🤔but actually sexually abused children they knew and were involved in raising.

Almost no one, except Dh and I and obviously the children who were abused, has cut contact with them. 95% of people have carried on as if all is completely fine because apparently it was one poor choice and they probably wouldn’t do it again and they are otherwise ‘nice blokes’.

It would change my opinion but I do know women who wouldn't think much beyond it being 'cheating' - they don't think particularly critically about sex work, about what it means, the feminist angle. They just accept it exists and only really care if it's THEIR bloke that's shagged one behind their back.

I’d also be reassessing the friendship group.

Well, yes.
To a degree, in a way.
Using prostitutes is vile.
But honestly, my faith in men is so damn low that I don’t really trust any of them to be ”good guys”.
If I was in this situation, I think I’d just go ”yet another one”…..

Would it change the way you interacted with him though?

Yes, I like to think I would have as little to do with him as possible.

When a woman in the social group didn't react any differently to him at all even saying that she'd just baked a cake and did he want a piece when he turned up, that got me thinking.

I think that might go under sort of basic social stuff she couldn't get out of, at least if she'd already given others a slice. If someone is a regular baker it might be like saying 'cup of tea?' to them.

She probably doesn't want to cause a scene.

There'd be nothing wrong with making a scene about this of course.

Grim grim grim. I wouldn't associate with them anymore.

When I found out my ex's brother had had fights with his wife resulting in her being admitted to hospital and going away with his mates, spending tbousands on prostitutes, it certainly changed my opinion of him. As did the fact he sold some family jewellery I'd been promised by my ex. I wanted it for vintage not financial reasons. I told my ex his brother is a thug and a sleazy chav. "He's my brother" he wailed. Ex nothing like that. Brother also threatened my ex with an airgun.

Of course I'd think differently of him, I think most people would. And I'd feel like that's not the guy I chose to become friends with. I'd also be reconsidering whether or not I'd want to be part of that friendship group at all since.

I hope someone speaks up and tells the wife.

That was meant to say I'd also be reconsidering whether or not I'd want to be part of that friendship group at all since they're all still happy to continue like nothing has changed and they have zero regard for the poor woman being cheated on.

I know many men who have used prostitutes, mostly one-offs when they’ve been teenagers visiting Amsterdam or perhaps infrequently, like when they’re off on a stag do in Prague or whatever. All otherwise “family members”.
I do know one guy who uses them more frequently. He doesn’t know that I know, he just doesn’t realise that I can hear him soliciting prostitutes from our adjoining offices. He is super nice and very proper and gentle and middle class, and it also happens that he has an extremely attractive girlfriend. It’s really eye opening.
Im a bloke and we are supposed to be good at compartmentalizing things, so I’m able to do that.
It’s also true that if I unfriended every man I know who was sometimes/often a cunt to women, I wouldn’t have many friends.
Probably not much help re the OP, but possibly some kind of insight?

*all otherwise “family men”

Of course it would.

How very depressing.