ED from guy in his 20s but wants anal sex

[outlanderfan88]

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of weeks, we met on tinder..

4 nights ago we 'did the deed' or rather tried to but he couldn't get an erection, his excuse was that he was nervous.

Tonight we tried again and again he wasn't feeling it but then he started asking me for anal sex, not my favorite thing in the world, so i ummmed and arrrred and the fact that i was considering it seemed to excite him and he got an erection. The whole thing kinda freaked me out so i made my excuses and left

am i right to think this is weird from a fella in his 20s?

🤣😂🤣

I don’t know why people always think ‘gay’ when they hear ‘anal sex’. Interestingly, lots of gay men don’t actually enjoy a penis up the bum, or want to put their penis in one - blowjobs and hand jobs are the order of the day for many gay couples apparently.
Similarly, plenty of straight men and women, I imagine lesbian women too, do like anal sex, with a penis or strap on as appropriate.
It’s not a gay thing. It’s just a sex thing.
Also, if a man is attracted to other men, he’s not going to be suddenly turned on by a woman because she’s willing to taking him up the arse…

Anyway, to answer the OPs question - I agree with the too much porn, not enough real sex theory.

I think first time sex can be awkward

Indeed. But proposing anal sex as an ice breaker is maybe not an effective approach 😂

Too much porn.

Shy, awkward... and anal?
That's an unholy trinity if ever there was one.
Nah, OP. Get your skates on and don't look back.

Anal = porn

Erectile problem can be caused by substances though. Was he sober for sex?

I like the abandon of tipsy sex but I can't orgasm and every single man I've been with struggles too.

There are a lot of sleazy guys who find normal sex boring. They get that they want it pornier/more edgy/dirty.

Not only that but there can be an element of enjoying trying to transgress against women and get them to do things they don't want to do.

He knew it maybe was a bit early in the relationship (not even having had normal sex) to ask for anal, so that probably made it spicier for him.

Either way, ewwww. Block on everything.

@MaChienEstUnDick

The obvious: OP He’s really really into anal sex (did I say “really”?), if you’re planning to date this guy buy a liter of lube and make sure you’re into anal sex because that’s his thing.

And if you’re not into anal sex dump his sorry ass today.

This was a red flag for my cousin whose hubby turned out to be gay, he always wanted anal

Yeah, this.

Plenty of 20 somethings year old out there with no ED.

Too nervous to get it up but confident enough to ask for anal sex on the second attempt? Doesn't ring true to me.

@bloodyunicorns @Outlyingtrout My ex had perma-ED but there was no limit to his perversion in an attempt to get a thrill. I mean, anonymous sex venues, all sorts. Normal sex didn't do it for him, there had to be something bold about it. And when it was least appropriate to go on about anal, that's when he went on about it in the grossest terms.

Tonight we tried again and again he wasn't feeling it but then he started asking me for anal sex, not my favorite thing in the world, so i ummmed and arrrred and the fact that i was considering it seemed to excite him and he got an erection

@outlanderfan88 Or the fact that he'd asked you to do something you didn't want and he might pressure you into it turned him on.

Fucking hell, what have I missed in the world of dating that means fellas think they can randomly suggest anal on the second disappointing shag? Be different if OP was giving him hints but doesn’t read that way.

Also I’m no anal afficiando, but my understanding is that if you’re into it there’s a bit of prep work involved, unless you’re cool with the possibility of a bit of poop. If he’s that experienced with it surely he’d know that?

Throw this one back, OP.

Fucking hell, what have I missed in the world of dating that means fellas think they can randomly suggest anal on the second disappointing shag?

@TheCraicDealer Part of the thrill for some of them is being inappropriate, saying inappropriate things they know we weren't in the zone for etc.

Why don’t you do it for him and give him a HARD pass girl…

Anal the first time kinda… I dunno how to say this… doesn’t bode well? He isn’t about the connection or intimacy because that would mean first connecting before trying anything like that together.

Just my view but I personally wouldn’t want a man who isn’t excited to sleep with me and be intimate… I certainly wouldn’t let him round my back door LOL. It’s like you, what you do, and being given access to your body isn’t enough. You either let him ram your backside or it is limp noodle.

I wouldn’t mess with a man who didn’t find just being with me in the most vanilla of ways was exciting… but I’m not a cool girl.

Are you sure he he meant giving, not receiving? I have been known to intimidate men who ask for anal far too soon by suggesting a strap-on...

Also, dump him. He hasn't even bothered to get you off, has he? You deserve better.

Genuinely curious…. Asking about this before regular intimate sex happened and wherein he was unable to get an erection based on being able to experience your body alone?

or did he just go in with the strap on request?

😂

Eww.

(Also, if he can't handle basic sex I doubt he's going to be amazing at anything niche.)

I have to agree with this!!

That’d be a firm no from me. If it’s not your thing, get the hell out of there.
His ideas don’t mesh with yours, and not being able to maintain an erection unless anal sex is on the cards is not ED.

Tell him your stance on anal is that it should be a two way thing, you'd prefer he went first; what type and size of dildo would he prefer on your strap on?

Better still, get the fuck rid of this loser.

Can't get it up in his 20s for regular vaginal sex!

Suggesting (pushing for?) anal on a second date.

Throw him back and look for another one.

(Oh and btw, anal sex is thought to cause worse damage to women than men, due to our different anatomical, hormonal etc "arrangement". Not to mention that female sphincters are going to be smaller (including relative to the girth of a dick) on average than mens. Porn actresses and sex workers are theoretically getting compensation for leaving themselves with lifelong faecel continence issues, non porn actresses and sex workers are not).

There is also something badly wrong with our society that some men think they can suggest anal sex in the earliest stages of dating & sexual interaction.

It used to be a niche, ectrene sex act..primarily associated with gay men; this is what happens when you have 24 he a day, relatively unregulated, billions of porn videos available at a touch on your device ... And the porn makers have to make every video edgier and more ectrene and different from the last one/from the billion others. As a result female reality TV show contestants simper when a guy tells them he'd like to "do them in all their holes" instead of telling him to fuck himself and ostracising him (and the fact that he felt free to say that in the first place). Women need to push back hard against this culture.

That would be my thought too.