Am I right about this online dating (very common) situation?

[MondaysAreFineItsYourLifeThatsShit]

I briefly knew of someone years ago through a friend, not in a romantic way we were just part of the same group on a random night out for a mutual friend's birthday. Added me on Facebook and we stayed in touch for a year or so. The occasional like, a few private messages how are you happy birthday etc. Nothing came of it from either side and then I left Facebook and forgot about it. Fast forward a good 3 years later we matched on Tinder recently. I didn't recognise him as he's shaved off the beard and lost a lot of weight but then he said "is that you?!" or something and I realised who it was. Exchanged a few messages, agreed to swap numbers and chatted on watsapp for a bit. I am on watsapp pretty frequently as I have a bunch of different groups and people on there, so whenever I'd messaged him (and this is all in the space of two days) I could he see would read it straightaway, he would also reply straightaway. He asked me out for a drink over the following weekend, I said yes fine and told him when I was free. Mutual venue. Then that evening I said "how was the meeting?" as he'd said he was worried about a work issue and when I went back on there an hour or so later to open a message from someone else I saw my last one was (unusually) unread. I looked out of curiosity and he had been online since... okay, I thought, this is where the pattern changes and so many women on here start tearing their hair out wondering why! He will absolutely cancel, I can just tell. I'm not especially interested. I don't know him, but I am interested to know if you guys think I'm right on this point! The pattern in the very, very early stages of dating... or even pre-dating... doesn't change if it's going well. If he's interested blah blah blah. I didn't message again in fact I accepted another invite from a friend because I knew what was coming. Lo and behold, two days later after silence... a work issue has come up and he can't meet up. Shocker! No problem, I said. Enjoy your weekend and take care. No reply. Three weeks later he's back full of apologies (he doesn't need to apologise he doesn't owe me anything). He's free this weekend if I still want to meet up any time I like? I've not opened the message yet but I'll reply tomorrow just to politely decline. I know I seem far, far too invested in this but it's not him, more the scenario that interests me. I'm genuinely curious because I do have a tendency to over analyse situations and I can be overly suspicious of people. But this is the classic situation where someone sees you as the fall back girl, right?

Anyone?

In this case, no. I wouldn’t say you were the fallback girl.

As you have a (friendship) history pre-tinder, give him the benefit of the doubt. Once. Just this once.

Meet up for that drink. Doesn’t mean it has to go any further.

But if he flakes on you again, then just let him know that behaviour is not what you’re looking for in a guy and it’s best you just stay as acquaintances.

Forgot him. He asked you out for a drink and then ghosted you. He's a waste of time.

I personally would meet up for a drink just out of curiosity to be honest as it’s no big thing in my opinion.
Meet him pretty early evening in a bar that you know or central to both of you and have a drink and see how it goes.

Don’t look into it too much .
Let us know how it goes.🤣

Have you ever chatted on the phone?

@OnTheBrinkOfChange ‘
Good point, as I didn’t even think to ask that .

No, he did suggest it but I said I'd rather wait and talk in person across a table. I'm really not interested in chatting shit down the phone and investing that much time after being at work all day to someone I barely know.

He cancelled the meet then 3 weeks later apologised?

Sod that, he's a time waster.

@MondaysAreFineItsYourLifeThatsShit ,

If you have a free hour then meet him for a drink, and you decide where as he cancelled on you last time.

I politely declined... he threw a strop and blocked me 🤣

Always trust your gut ladies. One chance is all the right one needs x

@MondaysAreFineItsYourLifeThatsShit ah you were right - blocking you is a total overreaction! You must have dented his ego by not being willing to drop everything for his convenience.

I mean, how dare you not immediately fall in line when he deigns to bestow his attention on you again??

Yep! As if I was going to start bombarding him or something? I wouldn't have worried love. Dickheads!

Well done you!

Although, reading your post did make me think of all the times women advise each other to block someone on here. They think it's such a perfect snub whereas the person on the receiving end is thinking, "What a twat! 🤣"

Because blocking someone is such a throwing your toys put of the pram moment and the absolute opposite to looking like you don't give a shit.

Lol yes! Unless you're being harassed or something, which is fair enough, it's such a pathetically dramatic thing to do 🤣 he obviously got a bit sore. Good! Serves him right for assuming I was desperate 👍

I like your style, OP.

Agreed that I wouldn't have taken him up on his second offer.

But I do think that blocking isn't always tatty. It can be done as an act of self-preservation. If you've been rebuffed by someone it acts as a stop on an attempt by you to try again.

*twatty- not tatty!

I'm really not interested in chatting shit down the phone and investing that much time after being at work all day to someone I barely know.

Never really got this school of thought, you can establish way more about a person's personality over a ten minute chat on the phone then days of fannying about messaging each other. 'Chatting shit' will help you determine their sense of humour, if they can hold a conversation, what their basic interests are etc. I would rather have an awkward stilted conversation with someone from the comfort of my own home where I can establish that there is zero chemistry and therefore not waste my time traveling to a venue only to find someone can't string a sentence together. If you click on the phone the chances are there date will be a lot more productive. Just my $0.02

Yep, obvious and usual caveats applied, of course!

But I do think that blocking isn't always tatty. It can be done as an act of self-preservation. If you've been rebuffed by someone it acts as a stop on an attempt by you to try again.

It can but those aren't the times I was referring to.

As you I read the post I thought fallback girl..Good on you for listening to your gut.

The issue with online is that "contact" is easy and doesn’t require work so hard to gauge if the interest is genuine.

You did right to decline. You were a back up and he showed you little respect or courtesy. Onwards and upwards OP.

“You did right to decline. You were a back up and he showed you little respect or courtesy. Onwards and upwards OP.”

Absolutely - what a twat - makes an arrangement, ghosts you and expects you to still be available 3 weeks later. How arrogant! Glad you were clear on being worth way more than that!

He should consider himself lucky I bothered to respond at all, but I'm one of the few people left who believe it's just decent, adult human behaviour to not ignore / block / ghost and generally not treat people like disposable old dish rags. Sadly it appears there aren't many of us left!

Many people (particularly younger people) find speaking on the phone to be odd, stilted and a bit dull. You can determine someone’s sense of humour, if they can hold a conversation, what their basic interests they have and so on from messaging.

I did OLD for about a year, had some great dates and eventually met my husband. I think the reason I had such a good experience is that I INTENSIVELY screened beforehand. I had zero problems doing this via messaging and just didn’t meet anyone who I didn’t find engaging.