Am I right about this online dating (very common) situation?

[MondaysAreFineItsYourLifeThatsShit]

I briefly knew of someone years ago through a friend, not in a romantic way we were just part of the same group on a random night out for a mutual friend's birthday. Added me on Facebook and we stayed in touch for a year or so. The occasional like, a few private messages how are you happy birthday etc. Nothing came of it from either side and then I left Facebook and forgot about it. Fast forward a good 3 years later we matched on Tinder recently. I didn't recognise him as he's shaved off the beard and lost a lot of weight but then he said "is that you?!" or something and I realised who it was. Exchanged a few messages, agreed to swap numbers and chatted on watsapp for a bit. I am on watsapp pretty frequently as I have a bunch of different groups and people on there, so whenever I'd messaged him (and this is all in the space of two days) I could he see would read it straightaway, he would also reply straightaway. He asked me out for a drink over the following weekend, I said yes fine and told him when I was free. Mutual venue. Then that evening I said "how was the meeting?" as he'd said he was worried about a work issue and when I went back on there an hour or so later to open a message from someone else I saw my last one was (unusually) unread. I looked out of curiosity and he had been online since... okay, I thought, this is where the pattern changes and so many women on here start tearing their hair out wondering why! He will absolutely cancel, I can just tell. I'm not especially interested. I don't know him, but I am interested to know if you guys think I'm right on this point! The pattern in the very, very early stages of dating... or even pre-dating... doesn't change if it's going well. If he's interested blah blah blah. I didn't message again in fact I accepted another invite from a friend because I knew what was coming. Lo and behold, two days later after silence... a work issue has come up and he can't meet up. Shocker! No problem, I said. Enjoy your weekend and take care. No reply. Three weeks later he's back full of apologies (he doesn't need to apologise he doesn't owe me anything). He's free this weekend if I still want to meet up any time I like? I've not opened the message yet but I'll reply tomorrow just to politely decline. I know I seem far, far too invested in this but it's not him, more the scenario that interests me. I'm genuinely curious because I do have a tendency to over analyse situations and I can be overly suspicious of people. But this is the classic situation where someone sees you as the fall back girl, right?

Disappears for three weeks?? Well done for binning that one off.

What was the basis of his strop, out of interest?

Him: sorry about last time, fancy going out?

You: no, thank you.

Him: blocks you

He got a better offer, had a few dates with them, that fizzled so he's attention turned back to you. It's obvious, and it happens all the time with online dating, the swipe mentality, its like being a kid in a sweet shop!

Sorry I went quiet, I'm around this weekend if you want a drink?

Thanks but I'll pass, all a bit flaky for me. Best of luck!

I did explain last time, but fine

Blocked 😀

(he doesn't need to apologise he doesn't owe me anything).

Disagree. Its rude to ghost and cancel plans last minute even with a stranger of course he owes you an apology. You need to stop viewing it that men can do whatever they want and not have to apologise just because you arent dating.

They can do whatever they want. Anyone can do whatever they want. It doesn't mean I have to put up with it 👍

Twat 🤣🤣🤣

I'm fucking howling in my living room 🤣

I think that’s the perfect attitude, tbh. All you can control are your own actions and reactions. Everyone else is free to act the fool if they choose, but they will be summarily dismissed.

You sound a bit bitter, and still invested in what he 'should' be thinking.

You're still spending time on his crap, despite the date not even happening.

The thing to do with people who make you feel like this is to just say 'no' internally, and move on.

Online dating, essentially meeting up with total strangers, takes a lot of energy.
People talk about being ‘ghosted’ by people they’ve literally never met.
I think people apply old fashioned rules of courtship (let him do the chasing, if he likes you you’ll know etc) to a very new method of meeting people. Exchanging messages or going on one date with a total stranger and never hearing back from them doesn’t really count as ghosting, unless you were too invested in the first place.

If you want to online date, for your own sanity, I think you have to stop overanalysing people’s every move/behaviour and taking it personally.

Yes OLD, chatting away to strangers and being expected to know if there's a spark within a couple of dates etc is definitely not for me I already came to that conclusion weeks ago. The whole thing and all the games attached to it are absolutely vile. In future it will have to be natural. Thanks everyone x

Never really got this school of thought, you can establish way more about a person's personality over a ten minute chat on the phone then days of fannying about messaging each other.

I don't agree. I've spoken to men who said all the right things on the phone but, in person, were not the same as they made out.

Agreed, texting talking social media whatever. You don't know until you meet them. A text is fine, you can answer when you like and think about what you want to write. Phone calls are too demanding for me and I hate them in general anyway never mind for some random.

I think that's the crux of it for you - you hate phone calls, that's fine - but it's interesting how different we are..! There's no way I'd be arsed to go and meet someone on a date, all the effort and cost and investment that takes without a phone and video call first. I want to see whether they have a good voice, whether they look like their pics, whether they hold themselves with poise, whether they can look me in the eye and how that makes me feel, all of that stuff is so helpful before deciding whether to meet.

A quick phone or video call is not any extra burden in terms of time or whatever when you think about how much time people waste texting (over weeks, months...) only to find out that person has a basic aspect to them that would drive you mad.

We are all different and that's fine - you don't like phone calls, that's fine! But I don't think it's true to say it's a time issue. To me it's a basic time saving rule I employ which means I am less likely to have a disappointing date. Over 2 years or so of OLD, I've had about 10 first dates I think, and all but one of them has been a good connection and a good date. Four have led to relationships. For me I'm just too bloody busy to waste time travelling to meet someone unless I am confident we'll at the least have a really good time hanging out.

(Back to your OP though, you are right - and made the right call - in my experience if men are interested you really do not doubt it and if something crops up and they have to rearrange, if they're interested they bend over backwards to make amends)

I did explain last time, but fine

How is that a strop?

It's definitely stroppy, and it was quickly followed by a completely unnecessary blocking = a strop

I had similar from a bloke I knew IRL. He ghosted me prior to a coffee date he had suggested on Messenger.
So I blocked him.
Now the fool gallops up to me in the street every time he sees me. I think he doesn't want to spend time with women, but instead prefers the thought he could have one.
I have it from several different sources that he's a compulsive liar (about career etc.), and if he were to go on dates he might become aware he's been rumbled.

Now the fool gallops up to me in the street every time he sees me

This cracked me up. 🤣

I know 110% if I responded favourably to his attention, the whole thing would start again and he'd ghost me.
Deeply insecure imbecile 😂

😂

What an absolute cock munch! 🤣 Honestly I'm really starting to think they are all just fucking pricks! I'm getting a cat.

The problem with that @MondaysAreFineItsYourLifeThatsShit is that cats are pricks too!!