DM feeding junk food to DC - planned stay

[Butterflysize]

My DC are due to stay with my parents while I go on a work trip. Having just visited them with the kids I’m now feeling like I might have made a bad call, as DM just cannot stop feeding them sugar and junk food. There honestly isn’t any decent food in the house and DM is constantly offering / even sneaking them chocolate and sweets. Guess what, they’ve not been very well behaved.

I’ve planned everything around this now. The DC love staying with their GPs, they live a long distance away so don’t get to see the kids as much as they’d like. I’ve tried this visit asking DM not to keep offering them junk food but she’s basically ignoring my wishes. What am I going to do?

The sugar rush poor behaviour thing was debunked years ago so if they’ve behaved poorly then that’s not why.

How long is the trip? I know it’s not great but given you need the childcare, you’d probably be best thanking your parents, turning a blind eye to the junk food and just viewing it as a one off, like how you might be less strict with their diet on holiday.

How long are they staying for? If it’s only a few days I think I would go ahead but prewarn your mum that their behaviour changes if they eat too much x. I’d go heavy on your requests to clean teeth too but otherwise would let it go. Might be her anxiety about having them and trying to build a positive association so they look forward to going.

Think you need to let this go a bit. Children have been spoiled and given chocolate by their grandparents since the beginning of time (well, since chocolate was first produced). Trying to police this is going to make your life really difficult and affect your relationship with your parents, and for not much of a payoff.

I'd save the conflict with GPs to the big things that affect safety and let treats slide

I think you can remind her you’d prefer they had a healthier diet but accept that she’s offering you a lot of free childcare & it’s not a regular occurrence.

It is only a few days yes, maybe I’m being too uptight

Thats exactly what grandparents are for, have you never heard “if mum says no, ask grandma”? Grandparents are there to spoil them and let them let loose a bit.

I know how you feel, luckily it’s with my in-laws rather than my own parents.

they got given money to go buy some sweets and apparently came back with fruit and vegetable snack packs!
Obviously also proving my guilt of “being posh”.

Anyway, Presumably it’s only for a few days, so no harm done.

Agree the bad behaviour is more likely pushing boundaries than sugar. If there's no one else I'd do it and find alternative childcare next time. The treats wouldn't be a massive issue to me (as a one off) more the sneaking and not respecting your wishes.

I’d hate it too and I don’t think you’re being uptight but as you need to go on the trip you’ll have to let it go this once. I wouldn’t be sending them too regularly though, or for long

She is the one getting the bad behaviour let her carry on natural consequences

What a shame your children haven’t learned how to behave well when with other people.
As a previous poster has said, the myth around behaviour and sugar was debunked years ago. Just let your children go and have fun with their grandparents!

I think if it's not too often it won't do them harm at all. Grandparents offering free child care will often come with a bit of a trade off as they are doing it for free and the just want to spoil them, I wouldn't stress about it if it happens just occasionally like with mine it's some school holidays (say my kids go on average one or two over night stay per every other holiday) then no I'm happy to let the attitude of what happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's. If it was weekly childcare it would have to be more balanced.

The health risks of ultra processed foods are becoming increasingly well understood and I think you are absolutely justified in being unhappy about this. Feeding children shit that is actively bad for them is not an appropriate way for grandparents (or anyone) to show love.

But, on balance, I'd go with it for this trip. It would make me think twice about relying on them for childcare in the future.

You could try getting them to listen to the Thorough Examination podcast. It might make them rethink their food choices, at least as far as your DC are concerned.

You are being too uptight. It’s a few days and your mother doesn’t see them often so wants to treat them. All you can do is express your wishes but she will be in charge. A few days of sweet treats won’t hurt them.

I guess it depends how much you want them to look after your kids. If I was told off about how I looked after and given podcasts to listen to in order to educate myself as a pp suggests I'd not be having them again.

When my parents look after dd I find saying thank you and bringing a bottle of wine is the best option rather than feedback on what I'd have done differently. As long as she feels safe and loved there I count my blessings

If it's a short visit and not very often, I would just let it slide.

I'd let this go and make a mental note to even it up with extra broccoli when they're home. My family do this with my dc, I don't like it but now I think I'm out having a extravagant meal or a special treat, why not let the dc be spoilt whilst I'm away?

I have to wonder whether the sugar debunking thing was ‘proven’ by the sugar board and candy manufacturers associations.

It is also known that shit food equal shit behaviour, there are studies from prisons that show improving nutrition decreases violence. If that effect is seen in adults, it will also be true of children.

Honestly, it’s a couple of days’ free childcare and a chance for them all to have quality time together. Not worth getting worked up about.

I would go heavy on the pre warning children about good behaviour though (depending on age/ability to understand). They will behave differently for others, but no need for them to completely lose it.

You have to let it slide. My FIL makes a bit of a thing about it. When they were very young, they weren't allowed Coke (as teenagers, I've long since given up!).

My in laws took them out and when the kids said they weren't allowed coke, my FIL made a point of saying that they were allowed anything they wanted with him. Meh, whatever.

It's only a few days and there's not a lot to be gained from making it a big deal. Perhaps ask to limit the chocolate to a bar a day or whatever, but otherwise let them get on with it.

Sorry to go against the flow but I would find alternative childcare. I wouldn’t be happy with a few days of junk food especially when you say your DM has no proper food in the house. Children’s diet is really important to me, and I would want my DM to respect what they usually eat at home.

Staying with grandparents is great. The kids will have lovely memories, you get free childcare. The only thing for you to be concerned about is the fact that your children are behaving badly - which is nothing to do with what they've been eating.

I posted about the same problem recently and all replies were along the lines of 'that's awful, don't let her do that to your DC' so I'm surprised that there are posters here saying it's OK. I realised that my issue is not with the sweets, it's with ignoring me when I asked her to reign it in a bit, which I realise is 'a thing'. Do you think you've got a similar problem with your DM not listening to you?

How many people have a bunch of willing households who will look after their kids while they're away (so not just a few hours) and be willing to abide by a list of rules and standards? Good luck with that 😂

The sugar debunking myths were all research funded by the food industry🙄My son has adhd and definitely responds differently to foods..He was allowed to eat sweets in maths once.. made he feel so out of control took himself out of lesson.
Is it ideal no but your kids will survive.. would your mum accept some pre cooked food? Leave there favorite fruit, healthy snacks ??

I would balance out on return and say thank you on the whole tjoigh