Page 2 | DM feeding junk food to DC - planned stay

Butterflysize · 2022-08-22T05:24:30+00:00

My DC are due to stay with my parents while I go on a work trip. Having just visited them with the kids I’m now feeling like I might have made a bad call, as DM just cannot stop feeding them sugar and junk food. There honestly isn’t any decent food in the house and DM is constantly offering / even sneaking them chocolate and sweets. Guess what, they’ve not been very well behaved. I’ve planned everything around this now. The DC love staying with their GPs, they live a long distance away so don’t get to see the kids as much as they’d like. I’ve tried this visit asking DM not to keep offering them junk food but she’s basically ignoring my wishes. What am I going to do?

LiftyLift · 22/08/2022 08:14

Can you at least provide some semi decent easy to prepare dinners for them and send them? The supermarkets stock kids ready meals which aren't ultra processed and are low salt, along with tinned sweetcorn that’s could be eaten cold. Maybe having an easy meal on hand means they are at least getting some nutrition.

Piranesi7 · 22/08/2022 08:18

I have the opposite problem.My son and ddil do feed my dg healthy meals(though adult portions) but give her crisps,cake,chocolate,ice cream etc on a daily basis.She's 4.5 and in age 8/9 clothes.She's very obviously overweight.It's heartbreaking but I see no way to help without alienating her mum and dad. I now only have healthy alternatives for all my g c but Id love to occasionally relax and give them chocolate biscuits and sweets.I've no idea how to help in this situation,but feel ops parent may be like my son and ddil and equate treats with love.

TheMildManneredMilitant · 22/08/2022 08:23

Honestly I'd say 'thanks so much for having them' and leave it at that! They are prepared to look after your children so you can go off and have fun somewhere. A few days of poor eating is not going to cause long term problems as long as they are otherwise well-fed.

TheMildManneredMilitant · 22/08/2022 08:24

Oops sorry just realized you said work trip not fun! But same would still apply for me.

yikesanotherbooboo · 22/08/2022 08:30

Benefits of love from GPs, free childcare and a change of routine with new experiences is going to outweigh the downsides of a few days of poor diet.
They won't expect it at your house and things will go back to normal.
'Let it go ' .

MajorCarolDanvers · 22/08/2022 08:35

A few days once in a while is fine. Grandparents spoil grandchildren and it always has been so.

They can get back on the kale and quinoa after they return home.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 22/08/2022 08:37

pastaandpesto · 22/08/2022 07:13

The health risks of ultra processed foods are becoming increasingly well understood and I think you are absolutely justified in being unhappy about this. Feeding children shit that is actively bad for them is not an appropriate way for grandparents (or anyone) to show love.

But, on balance, I'd go with it for this trip. It would make me think twice about relying on them for childcare in the future.

You could try getting them to listen to the Thorough Examination podcast. It might make them rethink their food choices, at least as far as your DC are concerned.

While I agree with you about the ultra high processed foods, it did make me smile to see this from someone with your username.

Re the OP's dilemma - (a) I wouldn't get too worked up about this if it's a rare event. The relationship with the grandparents is more important than eating a suboptimal diet for a few days. (b) The OP has made plans relying on this childcare. Probably impossible to re-arrange now, so just take a deep breath and go with the flow. You may find the children actually enjoy getting back to their normal healthy diet and routine once you're back.

TempNameChangexx · 22/08/2022 08:46

I was in my local Sainsburys yesterday and there was a boy there with his Nan. I'd guess he was about 12.
She was getting him some pick and mix and - even though he kept telling her "Mum doesn't let me have sweets" and "that's enough, Nan, I'll never be able to eat that many", she keep piling more sweets into the cup/tub thing.

I get that people want to "treat" their GC, but I think forcing sweets onto them like this is just wrong.

Plus, as others have said, if she's ignoring you on this, she will be ignoring you on other things too.
People have posted on here about grandparents feeding their GC food that they know they're allergic to because they think the parents are exaggerating.....

ShandaLear · 22/08/2022 08:47

If it’s 3 days a week then I’d be worried, but this is infrequent and just for a few days. I remember my grandparents always treating us, and one of them always feeding me chips, beans and sausages because it was my favourite dinner and my mum and dad hardly ever made it.

SaintHelena · 22/08/2022 08:49

I'm a DgM not in my dotage and I know all about unhealthy foods, I brought up my own DCs and watch what I eat myself to avoid putting too much weight on - people talk about these grandparents as if it was 1960 and rationing had just ended. Why can't they just be reasonable with their DGCs - I don't get it!

mynameischloe · 22/08/2022 08:56

TempNameChangexx · 22/08/2022 08:46

I was in my local Sainsburys yesterday and there was a boy there with his Nan. I'd guess he was about 12.
She was getting him some pick and mix and - even though he kept telling her "Mum doesn't let me have sweets" and "that's enough, Nan, I'll never be able to eat that many", she keep piling more sweets into the cup/tub thing.

I get that people want to "treat" their GC, but I think forcing sweets onto them like this is just wrong.

Plus, as others have said, if she's ignoring you on this, she will be ignoring you on other things too.
People have posted on here about grandparents feeding their GC food that they know they're allergic to because they think the parents are exaggerating.....

This is the trouble with my MIL. She will leave bowls of sweets on the table, and encourage sweet treats at every turn. They don't even have to ask for it, it's just handed out. There's no need for it, it's not even a 'treat' any more, it's just the norm at their house. Even when they come to our house for dinner they'll bring the DC chocolate.

SpinCityBlues · 22/08/2022 09:06

Are the kids aware that grandma is ignoring what you say, OP? That’s a dynamic to be aware of, as it’s pretty undermining of you in a subtle can’t-really-prove-it way.

And then you get the DC playing up and you wonder what on earth’s going on.

Whatwouldscullydo · 22/08/2022 09:09

This would ( and has before) done my head in.

What is it with parents who wouldn't so much as let you have a biscuit between meals suddenly becoming people who are not happy unless they are throwing crap at the grandchildren ro a point in affects their behaviour amd they probably don't eat their dinner after either which is entirely down to poor parenting and ungrateful/fussy kids and nothing at all to do with the fact they've had milkshakes, biscuits, sweets, ice pops, all in the 3 hours between a 3 course breakfast and lunch 🙄

If they can't be sensible then what else are they ignoring because they know better ?

FrancescaContini · 22/08/2022 12:54

GiveMeNovocain · 22/08/2022 08:00

How many people have a bunch of willing households who will look after their kids while they're away (so not just a few hours) and be willing to abide by a list of rules and standards? Good luck with that 😂

Show quote history

Good luck getting back to “normal eating” after a few days of junk, especially if the DC are really young. I just don’t understand the (particularly British) attitude of not giving a damn what children eat, or grandparents who ignore the parents’ requests.

pastaandpesto · 22/08/2022 12:58

While I agree with you about the ultra high processed foods, it did make me smile to see this from someone with your username.

I am going to sound like an utter wanker but we make our own pesto.

I think I will have to namechange now out of sheer twattery embarrassment 😀

ArnoldArnoldArnoldRimmer · 22/08/2022 13:09

Instead of saying, “They’re doing you a favour, let them do what they want” doesn’t anyone ever want to question why some people are obsessed with feeding children shite? It’s not doing them any favours in the long run. Some people have a proper “feeder” obsession and it seems to usually overlap with the same ones who will be first to point out an overweight child in my experience.

maddy68 · 22/08/2022 13:10

Don't worry. Let the grandparents fill them with crap. It really doesn't matter.

It's a temporary thing.

getsomehelp · 22/08/2022 13:15

You survived, surely your child will survive?
However...
Tell her to stop treating force feeding them crap, think of their health, teeth.
If she is buying their love with junk food, best she not have them again....

SpinCityBlues · 22/08/2022 13:40

Whatwouldscullydo · 22/08/2022 09:09

This would ( and has before) done my head in.

What is it with parents who wouldn't so much as let you have a biscuit between meals suddenly becoming people who are not happy unless they are throwing crap at the grandchildren ro a point in affects their behaviour amd they probably don't eat their dinner after either which is entirely down to poor parenting and ungrateful/fussy kids and nothing at all to do with the fact they've had milkshakes, biscuits, sweets, ice pops, all in the 3 hours between a 3 course breakfast and lunch 🙄

If they can't be sensible then what else are they ignoring because they know better ?

Yes, I agree with this and the 'what else..?' question.

Turned out out there's been quite a lot of 'what else' going on for a lot of posters on MN over the years.

Often it includes talking to the kids about you behind your back. 'Oh silly mummy won't let you have sweets will she never mind lovely granny will let you have coke and chocolate and sugar cubes and never mind what silly mummy says'

One poster had: 'oh silly mummy saying you can't play in the sea on your own...'