AIBU About Not Letting DH have Sex?

[Coolquip]

First thread, so apologies in advance.

To cut a long story short, I was sexually abused by an older relative from a very early age and blocked it out. I was then date raped at 18 when I couldn't give consent and have come to the conclusion I have PTSD.

This has resulted in my adult relationships starting off where sexually I am the woman of their dreams as I go out of my way to please. Then as time goes on I resent my partner as I hate myself for "giving in" and because I am trying to reassert my freedom to choose.

I am doing EMDR to help my PTSD and I am trying to break the behaviours that are a result of being groomed from an early age. I have managed to complete a nursing degree and that in itself I couldn't have done 2 years ago.

I have been married to DH for 5 years and been together for 7. Our sex life is non existent and started off in his words brilliantly. He knows about my past and he just wants things to go back to how they were.

I don't. I know feel that I have come from a place of having no self respect to having some. I want my wishes and feelings respected. He thinks I bring it all back to what I want.

So question is AIBU to not want to just have sex on his terms or I am I making it about myself?

If he will not accept your trauma and invalidates it and makes it all about him, I would end it.

He isn't listening to you about what you want or need to feel safe and comfortable to want or enjoy sex, now you've processed some of what happened to you, so he is piling more trauma on top of you trying to move forward from it. That isn't a partnership.

You aren't saying you don't want sex. You are saying you don't want to perform and want to feel valued as a person and have your needs met, too. He could be working with you on that, but isn't.

I don't think this man cares about your emotional needs or what you have been through. All that matters to him is that his needs are met, from what you have said.

Hard as it is, I would leave him, finish healing yourself and then when/ if you want to start a new relationship with good boundaries and respect in place from the start.

I wrote that ^^ before I'd even read the part about him manipulating you into agreeing that he could fuck prostitutes.

Vile.

Break up with him and never look back.