How much house work ?

[KangarooKenny]

Somebody wrote in a thread yesterday, about a 20’s something DD living at home, that she should clean her bathroom every week as part of her contribution to the house. Now me and DH have separate bathrooms and I clean mine weekly, but he does his when he can be bothered, every 3-4 weeks. It’s the only cleaning he does, along with the odd load of washing, mowing the lawn (no other gardening) and dinner 3 nights a week. That’s it. I do everything else.
Part of me thinks it’s his bathroom and he should be able to do it as often as he sees fit ( I occasionally use it and would be embarrassed if a guest went in there ), but part of me thinks it should be done weekly like I do the rest of the house.
What do you think ?

it’s his bathroom and he should be able to do it as often as he sees fit

I think this. There's no 'should be done' rule to satisfy someone else. His bathroom, his call.

Definitely his decision if it is his bathroom. He is an adult.

So going on the two replies, the DD shouldn’t have to clean her bathroom every week either. Ok, thanks.

I think that's slightly different - presumably your DH contributes 50% of the household costs, so he's cleaning up after himself rather than doing "chores" in recompense for contributing less financially.

However I do agree with the consensus that he's free to have his own pigsty bathroom if he so chooses.

Just annoying that he doesn’t do 50%, he’s also retired and I work, and the bit he does do isn’t that often.
I’ll be training the next DH better 🤣🤣

And I believe it was recommended that the the DD in question pay into the kitty as well as cleaning her bathroom.

Ignore the bathroom. That’s his problem and doesn't impact anyone else.

but as for everything else, no. None of that is acceptable. He should be doing the majority of the housework. Why not make a list of all the housework you do next week, show him the list, explain you cannot continue working and doing the majority of the housework, heres a highlighter, the majority are now his.

But he wouldn’t do it, just like he doesn’t do his bathroom. He says he can’t see the dirt, because that suits him.

You can tell him That’s fine. He doesnt need to be able to see dirt. Just clean one thing per day. And if he cannot do that it shows you exactly how he views you as someone who serves him. And this affects how you see him.

Two fully grown adults who have agreed to sharing a household together should roughly do 50/50 of the housework. Whoever works less should do more unless they can’t for health reasons. I couldn’t be massively bothered about a bathroom only Dh uses. We don’t clean any of our bathrooms once a week. But if retired and well, he should be doing the bulk of the housework.

I think expectations for a young adult child still living at home are slightly different as it’s not an equal partnership and a true shared home. It’s a bit more like having a lodger. I would expect them to do certain tasks as per an agreement though.

Yes that's right. My dd has the only en suite. I go in there just about never. I ask her every once in a while if she's cleaned it, and she's messy not dirty so I know she does do it, but certainly not as frequently the 'family' bathroom which is used by me and any guests that stay.
His bathroom his grossness.

You appear to be annoyed that you did not receive the answer you were hoping for, OP?

You are assuming that your husband is lying then? When he says he can't see the dirt, do you think that it is possible he is telling the truth?
I think it is entirely possible, but you will obviously know how his eyesight is?

So he doesn't work and does hardly any housework. You work and do almost all the housework.

That's ridiculous. He's taking the pee.

Sorry you work and he’s retired and you do all the cleaning.

your choice obviously and maybe you enjoy it - but honestly why would you put up with that.

I would say he can do it as he pleases and my daughter has her own bathroom, thr cleaner does it weekly but if she didn’t I’d leave it to my daughter to decide.

You have to allow grown-ups their right to autonomy. If that doesn't resonate then consider this. With some personalities, the more you tell them to do something, the more likely they are to not do it! They need to want to do it. They need to want to clean, to make their home look, smell and feel nice. If they feel they are being made to do it, all that will fly out of the window. They will resent you for making them do it, and they probably will do even less.

No, not at all.

He can see what he wants to see.

But he wouldn’t do it, just like he doesn’t do his bathroom. He says he can’t see the dirt, because that suits him.

I'm like your DH. I clean less often than my DH because I have lower standards. Still high enough to be hygienic, but not as exacting as my DH or your standards by the sounds of it, probably on a par with your DH. I'm just not that bothered about it and would rather spend my time doing other things. If I was retired and told I had to start doing a weekly clean or 'the majority of the housework' according to what DH dictated, I wouldn't do it. Just like I wouldn't do it to that timetable if I lived on my own. I'll do what I think needs doing, and if he wants more, then he's welcome to do it. Sure you don't agree, but just my perspective.

He can do it as often as he likes if no one else has to use it. But I would think he was dirty bugger and be very put off by him happy to live with a filthy bathroom. Are we talking your typical male shit stains and piss all around the rim and floor? Yuck, unattractive, definite ick material.

Could you get him to do different jobs that don't involve 'seeing the dirt' like food shopping, cooking, clothes washing etc, so it takes some of the pressure off you and he can't use that excuse!

We do all use it occasionally, if the other bathroom is in use, so it’s not just ‘his’.
Pee and hair on the toilet rim and mounds of hair on the floor around the toilet. Also there’s certain points he doesn’t clean, like around the bottom of taps where there’s brown goo, so I have to go round after and put bleach on it. It would be better if I did it myself, but if I did he would then be doing no cleaning.
He refuses to eat in the kitchen so there’s food on the sofa and floor where he sits, he just leaves it there because he doesn’t ‘see’ it.
I once asked him to dust and hoover the lounge when I was at work. When I got back I could write my name in the dust on the TV stand. I honestly think he’d just pushed the hoover around the floor that he could see.
I actually think that if I died he’d get a cleaner in, because there’s no way he’d do it.

Martyrdom is annoying, OP. Why are you tolerating this? You’re not a passenger in your life, you aren’t required to passively accept poor behaviour.

I know, this is one of a few reasons that I really need to end it. There’s too many negatives to this marriage. Ive said on numerous occasions that I’m not his mother.