Mother in law again

[StarsStarStars]

I need an advise... My husband and I are in the middle of divorce. He took our son for holidays last week, but didn’t returned him to me ( he said it was too late), and took him straight to his mother’s...today I messaged her saying I was coming to pick my son up, however she replied that she is sorting out his school uniform out ( she offered to pay for), and they are too busy...she then texted me saying “ if you can’t wait to see your son , you can come tomorrow afternoon, but not before we are done”...what????....what do I reply? I am literally lost for words...I don’t want to be rude, but..how do I build the boundaries?

Keep your child with you! Don't send him to boarding school? Are you crazy? Your relationship with him seem to already be suffering and he's not even gone yet - saying he will stay with his granny? And honestly boarding school isn't best for MOST children. It can be a truly horrible experience. Reconsider this whole plan. But keep your child with you!

I'm so sorry about your Mum and Dad :(

Thanks every one for you replying. I’m not sure I can unsign now, if I’m honest... but if we end up in the court the order will be most likely no private school for anyone...

Also i really don’t want a war with them. My middle son with learning difficulties is really close to his dad as they are sharing a same hobby and that hobby is very important to him! He has to be outside doing things, and I’m struggling to drive around for various after school clubs on my own., and I know I will have no support of they are all in a state school..

StarsStarsStars

re your comments in quote marks
"Thanks every one for you replying. I’m not sure I can unsign now, if I’m honest..."

Of course you can change your mind here and you should. Stop being so passive here. You need to fight for your children because he is not acting in their best interests at all; he just wants to further use the kids here as a means of punishing you.

" but if we end up in the court the order will be most likely no private school for anyone.."

This should go to court. And that would be the ideal because at least all your children will be together rather than just their chosen one at some boarding school.

You may not want a war with your current H and his mother but they've already declared war on you as the mother to these children. Your children are all being used and otherwise exploited here by your abuser husband and his abusive mother.

I know a pair of adult siblings of whom, due to parents separating, the elder went to private school and the other to a state school. It has caused lifelong feelings of insecurity and inadequacy for the younger sibling. Don't be a party to this OP. Get them all out, regain control and treat your children equitably.

This smells very much like parental alienation OP.

I don’t agree that siblings at one private school will necessarily resent another at boarding school - they are all privileged to have that option.
Also, you know your oldest DC, do they want to board and do you think they will thrive there? How old is DC and is it full or flexi boarding? For some DC, boarding can be a very positive experience.
How do you feel about your DC boarding?

They've done a real numbers on you, you're only agreeing to it because they've convinced you it's in all your kids best interests but trust me it isn't. If it doesn't feel right it isn't. It also seems from what you've said that come the time he won't want to pay for private school for the other kids D's. So you'll keep 3 yourself at state school on much reduced CM while your eldest is raised by his GM and the boarding school. This time in 2 years you'll see him for a couple days over Christmas, probably not his birthday but maybe a week in the summer. If this is ok with you then carry on. Or you could take control, keep all kids, your house and send them to whatever school you want to 💐

OP you need to take back control here.

The court will not rule on schools. It's your job. Your decision.

I echo to threaten to put all of them in state school.

Call HIS bluff. Why are you the only one with something to lose?

Get support. Headteacher of private school and solicitor to start with.

I know it’s easy for some posters to tell the op to take back control, etc however what do you think will happen when she tells the 13 yo who already favours grandma and dad that he’s not going to boarding school. Then the ex takes them all out of private school, he does not pay maintenance and as op said, she downsizes, the kid no longer has his own room and starts causing issues? In my opinion, I feel If the 13yo really wants to board then just let him.

I think what op is doing now is picking her battles. For the issue at hand, since you’ve already agreed to the ex mil buying uniform, then just give a time for them to finish and you to pick up your son.