Feeling at a low point in my life right now

[DaisyDooxox]

Hi all. I’m not sure what I’m wanting to gain from this post, just to vent I suppose.

I am 26 and a teacher. Back in March, I split up from my partner of 8 years due to him being unfaithful. I left our home with just the clothes on my back and the dog and moved back to my parents. I had to leave my teaching post to move closer to my parents.

The last few weeks of the holidays have been draining mentally. I’ve been stuck at my parents in the box room of the house. When I say ‘stuck’, I’m really fortunate that my parents put me up with me paying little in rent and I am very grateful.

However, I feel isolated and I’ve lost my mojo with life. Due to my ex still living in what is legally half of my house and refusing to sell it, I’ve had to pay thousands to instruct a solicitor. I am in my overdraft and have had little money to be able to afford to get out of the house this summer.

my mum works from home and makes snappy remarks that I sit and sunbathe/ watch TV/ sleep. I do bits around the house to help out but it’s not the same as pottering about in my own place.

I just feel completely useless and down. The snide comments from my mum really aren’t helping. She says lm the biggest I’ve never been. I’m 11 stone 11 pounds. She sent me a picture this morning of when I was 14 and painfully skinny. She then commented how this should be my inspiration because I have a ‘mummy tummy’ before I’ve even had children.

im just not where I want to be in life right now. Sorry for the rant. :(

Quite honestly it’s better if I sleep because otherwise I’d be counting down the hours in the day.

Move out from your parents' house, they sound like the last thing you need. Unless I was nearly bankrupt I wouldn't dream charging my daughter rent in your situation, let alone the snideness.

Can you try and make a new start and have a flat share until you find your feet.

Even working in a pub or supermarket until you find another teaching role.

I'm 20 years older but agree with you that all of that sounds absolutely crap, I think your ex is an arsehole, you're mother is tone-deaf and not supportive at all and the situation on the whole is utterly dysfunctional. It sounds like the whole thing has been quite traumatic for you, losing your relationship, your job and your home is a lot to deal with all at once. The drawing out of the finances doesn't help either. I remember being 12 stone 1 around your age and I thought I looked awful, (and was equally informed this by family) I look back at photos and the problem was that I was just lost. Ignore the pictures of skinny inspiration and think what you need to sort out your health. You need people around you who love you for who you are. Do you have that?

Sorry, but your mum can fuck all the way off with that body shaming shit!!
I’m sorry that you’re stuck hearing that kind of toxic bollocks 😔

I wasn't trying to say your family don't love you btw. I just meant have you got anybody around you that you can just be with, without worrying?

@TheManSellsFish unfortunately moving out for me isn’t an option. I don’t have many friends to rely on. The only way I can move out is if my ex agrees to sell the house. I should then be getting around 100K.

@Minty78 thank you for your response. I’m sorry you were told by your family about your weight too. I’m 5ft 7 and 11st 11lbs. How did you lose the weight?

I do have a man I’ve been seeing over the past couple of months. I escape to his house twice per week but personally feel that anything more than that would be too full on and spoil the relationship so early on.

Life is just not good at the moment. Everything seems out of control and I’m powerless to get it back.

Can you go back to your house? Might be easier to force the sale from there.

I mean, assuming your ex is not violent, and since it's half-yours, how dare the fucker sit there and stop you moving on with your life?

@category12 not an option for me either. My ex has moved his girlfriend and her two children in. I know - unbelievable isn’t it! 😞I’m forced to pay half of the mortgage until my name is off of those deeds.

If you can afford it, join the gym. Not for your weight but for your sanity and an escape!

You'd feel a lot better about yourself if you started going to some aerobics or yoga classes, and you'd be out of the house away from critical remarks before you can move out.

Have you got a new job lined up? What about a supply teaching agency?

I'm so sorry. This sounds so difficult.
Remember that it won't be forever and you will get your life back one day, I promise.

No wonder you're feeling so down.

I'd try to get out the house as much as you can - maybe do some volunteering or part-time work to give you a focus?

I’m sorry you’re in this situation but I’m even more incensed at the idea that your ex has moved in a girlfriend and children into your home! I’d go back and let myself in and start watching tv!

Thank you all. The gym would be a good idea but I feel like I need to pay off my overdraft before I commit to anymore monthly spending.

thank you @Orangeblossomfield . I try to remind myself that me and my family are healthy and that’s all that matters. I try to remind myself that there are worse things in the world going on.

I just hope that one day I can have the money to rebuild my life again. Feels like a bit of a prison sentence to be honest, with no end in sight.

I had an application ready to take him to court to force a sale, but it would have cost me £19k in solicitor fees up front. If I go to court without representation I won’t have to pay this, but run the risk that I could lose in court and have to pay his costs.

it’s all a mess.

luckily I have a job lined up back at my old school (before I moved out of my parents home).

@Lozzerbmc tell me about it! It’s an absolute joke but apparently unless he changes the locks I can’t charge them rent or refuse to pay the mortgage.

We weren’t even married! I have lots to learn from this, that’s for sure..

Well, first thing is you are younger than you think you are. You are the oldest you've ever been. But just believe me when I say , you are young. You also have a career, it's in hiatus , but you will have it back again it will just take some effort and motivation. What is the situation with that just now? The new man is a good thing, and you are making good decisions taking it slow and not putting pressure on it. I think it sounds like you aren't leaning on anything but your own will to get through the day? Do you exercise/ get out. Actually something like volunteering might be good just now? What is the situation with friends?

It's fucking unbelievable you're paying half the mortgage in that situation! He was not a keeper that's for sure.

First thing to do is to get back to work. Apply to schools local to your parents - look for maternity cover jobs, or sign up with an agency to do supply work so you don’t make a long term commitment. Getting back into the school environment where you feel in control will help a lot.

@BadGranny thank you. Counting down the days of the summer before I can go back to work. I never thought I’d ever be glad to see the back of the school holidays.

Hopefully next week should go quickly as my new man has taken a week off and we are off to the new forest with the dogs. I’m trying to enjoy these little moments without relying heavily on somebody again.

@Minty78 thank you. In all honesty, my friends I can barely count on one hand.

I have two uni friends - we meet once a month as a three.

and one childhood friend - we don’t see eachother that often.

OP I have signed up just to reply to you because you sound so down, I’m sorry you are in such a shitty place. This is such a lot isn’t it. Other people can advise you on the money and solicitor issues (this doesn’t sound right that your ex can do that??) but I just want to say give yourself permission to mentally “dump” your mum for the time being! Just nod and smile, or not even smile really.

Not saying you can’t have a good relationship with her in future but she is being very unhelpful at a difficult time in your life, and that is on her. God knows what her issues are that cause her to make these comments, but showing you pictures of yourself at 14 as “inspiration”?? Nobody should want their adult daughter to weigh the same as they did when they were a child, that’s nuts as I’m sure you know. Imagine if that happened to a child at your school.

I’m 5’7 and I was 12 stone in my early 30s, it’s not super heavy and in my experience it comes off pretty easily at that age. So by all means join a gym if you can afford it but if that’s too much I wouldn’t worry about it for now, it’s a problem for later once you’ve basically got your life back. If anything, I’d say go for long walks every day - fantastic mood booster, gets you out of the house, away from your mum’s comments and is surprisingly low key effective as a fitness tool.

You’ve got a job lined up and you’re dating someone, you’ve been hit with a big setback and you’re doing all the right things. You’ll look back on this as a horrible time and be amazed you were so strong 💐

Ok - you are the co-owner of this house. Why the hell have you moved out???? Not saying it would be emotionally good for you to do this, but if your partner had cheated, I think most people would be sympathetic of the idea of you gaining access to the house and start bloody living there with them and making damn nuisance of yourself. He should have been the one to move out ffs.

I assume that he's such an unbelievable wanker that he thinks you should still pay towards the mortgage still after he cheated on you? I wonder if the new woman knows that you still paying, or has he convinced her that he's now the one paying and charging her as well to 'cover costs'.

Don't listen to your mum. Listen to your body, and watch out for your health.

@Sunscreenuser thank you so much for signing up to post some kind words to me. They really do bring some comfort.

Just got home to another argument with my Mum. Now in this tiny room hyperventilating and having a breakdown.

im just so done with life at the moment.

thank you again for your kind words.

RingMaster- 'Sorry, but your mum can fuck all the way off with that body shaming shit!!
I’m sorry that you’re stuck hearing that kind of toxic bollocks 😔'

She really does not need to hear that now.

i know this is going to sound awful- but move back into your house. Yes it will. E hard, but legally you are entitled too and go back with the intention of making him and tne girlfriend as uncomfortable as possible. He canny deny you access and he can’t throw you out.
where is your anger?! How dare he treat you like this!
go back, take over a bedroom, invite friends over for drinks etc.. force his hand to either buy you out or sell.