Feeling at a low point in my life right now

[DaisyDooxox]

Hi all. I’m not sure what I’m wanting to gain from this post, just to vent I suppose.

I am 26 and a teacher. Back in March, I split up from my partner of 8 years due to him being unfaithful. I left our home with just the clothes on my back and the dog and moved back to my parents. I had to leave my teaching post to move closer to my parents.

The last few weeks of the holidays have been draining mentally. I’ve been stuck at my parents in the box room of the house. When I say ‘stuck’, I’m really fortunate that my parents put me up with me paying little in rent and I am very grateful.

However, I feel isolated and I’ve lost my mojo with life. Due to my ex still living in what is legally half of my house and refusing to sell it, I’ve had to pay thousands to instruct a solicitor. I am in my overdraft and have had little money to be able to afford to get out of the house this summer.

my mum works from home and makes snappy remarks that I sit and sunbathe/ watch TV/ sleep. I do bits around the house to help out but it’s not the same as pottering about in my own place.

I just feel completely useless and down. The snide comments from my mum really aren’t helping. She says lm the biggest I’ve never been. I’m 11 stone 11 pounds. She sent me a picture this morning of when I was 14 and painfully skinny. She then commented how this should be my inspiration because I have a ‘mummy tummy’ before I’ve even had children.

im just not where I want to be in life right now. Sorry for the rant. :(

@Maze76 i am absolutely fuming but am trying to do things by the book legally, so that if this does go to court, it’s more likely to swing in my favour.

Oh, I'm billy no-mates at the minute, so don't worry about having few friendships, are you able to increase the time spent with these friendships? I know it can be hard when you're feeling unmotivated, you are already spending time with them so that's good, but would they be receptive to the odd coffee on a more regular basis?

With regards to the house. You can either pay 19k and go forward with the application or you represent yourself and risk losing? So those are your only choices? It sounds like you haven't made a decision and it's all in a bit of limbo at the moment?

Change solicitor. If real, that's barrister's fees.

You will not be breaking any law by returning to your own home. He/ they may not like it-but there’s absolutely nothing legally they can do to stop you.
when my husband left me after IVF and subsequent miscarriage, I refused to leave our home

I had to watch him walk out our house every Saturday, with his little bag of viagra , to spend the day with the OW.
It killed me, but I was damn well NOT going to give up my home for him to entertain her. in it!
He offered to buy me out- I refused.. all this happened during the Pandemic.

He wasn’t happy, but tough! £ 19,000 and possibly years of legal wrangling will take its toll, personally I’d rather confront this head on and battle my way through- you will feel empowered.. I certainly do!

we have accepted an offer on our house- and I’m in the process of purchasing a lovely flat all of my own. You CAN do this!

Thanks everyone.

the issue is that he wants to buy my share of the property. He clearly doesn’t have the money but doesn’t want me to put the house on the market.

We agreed a price for him to buy me out and two weeks ago he said his money was ready and it was being handed over to conveyancing hands to start the transfer. However, my conveyancing solicitor has heard nothing from his in the past 10 days.

it’s all very frustrating and I’m worried that he’s leading me up the garden path until the house prices start to drop.

it took months and 5 grand in solicitor fees for me to argue that I was legally entitled to half of the equity on the house. Now he’s finally agreed and I’m waiting and waiting for no further updates.

if I had £19,000 I would honestly pay it. I just don’t have it. 😞

Take up running- NOT because of your (entirely fine) weight but to give you a reason to get out of the house and get some endorphins going. Take a book and a bottle of water, run for half an hour, read for an hour and tell your Mum you’re marathon training ;)

@figmaofmyimagination that’s a really great idea. I completed couch to 5K 2 years ago but didn’t continue. Would be an achievement to do that again.

Do you have a new job or one lined up?
If not, are you claiming benefits? You may be entitled to universal credit if you have savings under £16k. A lot of people will say you aren't because you have a property you're not living in, but you are entitled to have this property's value disregarded if you are taking steps to sell it (which you are by trying to get a court order to sell).

Bless you I’m sorry that you’re having such a rough time at the moment. It must be really hard to move home with your parents and your mum sounds like hard work, and pretty harsh making comments on your appearance. She is probably coming from a good place so maybe talk to her and let her know how much you are having to deal with right now.

I’m no expert on houses and mortgages etc but definitely do ALL that you can to get him either out of the house or buy you out. There is no way he should be allowed to sit and live in that house that you own half of. It may seem hard to see it now but you had a lucky escape with him. You’re also only 26 which is so young! I am 30 next year and a lot of my friends are still at home (or renting) and have little to no life savings. At least you have your money invested into half of the property.

Please be kind to yourself and don’t stress too much about your weight etc! If you want to make changes just start small and get your 10k steps in each day. Put on a good podcast and just get walking. I have been feeling so much better by introducing this into my routine.

I know money is tight but self care always makes me feel better too. It doesn’t have to be expensive but treat yourself to a few nights a week having a nice bath, face mask, hair mask etc. an early night watching a good series or getting stuck into a new book.

You sound like a lovely person with your head screwed on so try not to worry about the future too much. Living at your parents and getting back on your feet will be for a short period of time in the grand scheme of things and better things come your way!

Lastly maybe check to see whether you have any local Facebook groups where you can meet new people or start a new hobby.

best of luck and keep your chin up. You’ll be more than fine xx

Has your solicitor given him a date by when he must transfer equity?

Perhaps post on legal to get a sense check.

You really are at a fantastic age. It's often said that late 20s is when you become the person you will be. If you have equity and a career at your age then you're doing brilliantly.

It is undoubtedly awful time due to the uncertainty but you will get a resolution and life will be good again.

@TayEl90 thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. I think what is adding to my depression is that most of the people I know / went to school with are getting married and having children- whilst I’ve taken steps back and am now living back with my parents. Your words have made me feel much better. Thank you for your time. X

@Fireflygal thank you for your kind words. I will hang in there! X

I’ll do it with you if you like! I could do with doing it again 😁

Hang in there. In a year you’ll be out the other side x

I know this feeling and it can consume you a little bit sometimes but honestly you have all the time in the world! I returned from a few years of living abroad / travelling when I was 26 (and single) and moved back in with my parents so I know how hard it can be especially after being so independent. I also had no money saved at this point due to travelling so it was like starting from scratch. I know sometimes it feels like everyone is married with kids but trust me there are a lot more people who are still finding their feet in their late 20s and 30s! Keep going with getting what belongs to you and hopefully it won’t be too far in the future that you can buy a little flat of house of your own.

I also couldn’t recommend travelling enough if it’s something that you’d consider once your money situation is resolved. It changed my life and introduced me to so many amazing friends who are still my best friends now that we’re all home It’s not for everyone but it’s definitely a way of shaking your life up :)

I hope you are feeling a bit better and more positive. The world is your oyster xx

You need to move back into your house immediately.

Otherwise you are going to be paying that mortgage for the rest of your life!

If your ex gets married to his new gf you are absolutely screwed as the courts will prioritise the housing of the children over you getting your money.

Honestly you need to get back there and make sure you keep entitled to the share of the house (unless you can afford to lose £100k - which if you are a single teacher, I'm guessing this might be your only chance of staying on the housing ladder).
You are going to have to suffer more pain and discomfort whichever way you do it, but if you lose that £100k that will take a long time to get over.

Op, I think you should post on the legal board and see what advice you can get. I would imagine that you have a strong case and could represent yourself here.

100% this!

Do C25K again, you already know how great it can be. I'm kinda on a heartbreak diet at the moment (which is easy as I can't eat well when upset anyway) but also on week 5 of C25K. The weight is dropping off me, I have to say it is a thing that is giving me some happiness. Unlike other times I've done the programme, I actually enjoy doing the runs now, it's something for you, gets you out, and gives you something to feel good about yourself.
Believe me, he's made a dodgy choice moving his AP in with her 2 kids so soon. He will in no way be leading the life of Riley, in fact the opposite, he's totally tied himself down at a young age. I'm sure it won't take long for the drudgery of family life to get to him if it hasn't already. Suddenly, he's ended up with a massive financial tie too for potentially years to come. You'll have a much better life in future, and some good equity by the sounds of it once this gets sorted.

Op if at all possible move back into your home.

I moved out during my divorce. My Ex wife had all the power. You wont get anywhere near £100000 if you allow him to get the house valued . He will back you into a corner and force you to accept a much lower offer knowing your broken and desperate.

100% correct.

You say that he has said the money to buy you out is there ready to be transferred via your solicitor. To give him a kick up the arse, tell him you will give him 7 days to ensure the money is with your solicitor, and when the 7 days is up, if the money isn’t there, you will be moving back into the house and for him to make sure he has the spare room ready for you.

100% correct @twoqueens

I really urge you also to go back to the house. Im worried given there are children who live there it could be an issue so the sooner you get back in the better. You have just as much right to be there as him! Perhaps that will make him move a bit faster re buying you out. You need to play hardball im afraid!

I would also second couch to 5k i took up running aged 51 so will be a breeze for you.