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Original poster

My partner hasn't asked me to be his wife.

36 replies

fifi19 · 18/08/2022 13:40

Hi. I am a woman of the age of 32. I have a girl of the age of 2. Me and the father of the girl live together since she was born. we wanted a child so our daugher was planed. Even tho we planed to have a baby we never discussed if we would get married. At the time it wasn't a very important thing for me. After we became parents, i started to feel the need for the assurence of my man and to be honest, the need to be husband and wife. The first year after i gave birth all my attention was to my baby girl (and also to him) but i really feel lonely sometimes. I have from time to time bad thoughts. My partner doesn't want to have sexual raports as much as i do, and doesn't feel the need to have my company as much as i do. We make 5 years since we have started our relationship. I am starting to be very insecure and jealous.I know that its not something physical because I havent changed at all after giving birth, i am very fit and men find me attractive (its something you understand just walking on the street). When i asked him if he wants to get married he jumped from topic to topic. That he didnt find the right time and than he doesnt believe that some legal papers makes us a family. I feel so hurt not to have sincere answers that i just dont want to talk about my feeliings anymore. What is your thought about my situation. what would you have done if being in my position?

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 18/08/2022 13:49

Has this got anything to do with him owning the family home in his name only?

Original poster
fifi19 · 18/08/2022 13:52

The home is in his parents name that gave it to us. I did all the renovations and changes. But yes, one of my thoughts is this also.

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 18/08/2022 13:55

Well there's your answer then. He see's you less like an equal partner and more like a domestic appliance/additional income/free home renovations and changes/free childcare/free emotional and sexual support.

Ask HIM to marry YOU. Be interesting to see what he says.

Pansypotter123 · 18/08/2022 13:57

Forgive me if I have misunderstood, but English does not appear to be your first language.

Are you in the UK? Have you always lived here. Do you have any support from your own family?

Are you financially dependent on your partner?

Why do you feel jealous? Do you doubt his fidelity?

Original poster
fifi19 · 18/08/2022 14:01

Thank you for your answer. It is hard to accept this about your partner that you love and says that loves you. Anyways i wouldnt make someone marry me like this. this is why i dont want to talk about this anymore. Actions speak louder than words.

OP posts:
Original poster
fifi19 · 18/08/2022 14:02

No, i dont live in Uk, i live in another country that doesnt speak english. I have support and a very loving family near me

OP posts:
NC12345665 · 18/08/2022 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/08/2022 14:06

He has no intention to marry you and I doubt he ever will. He has a woman, a baby, and a house that he won't lose. He has no incentive to marry you because he already has everything he wants. Sadly, you should have discussed marriage and the future long before you moved in and had a child. Your options are to stay and be very vulnerable, or leave him, create your own stability and hopefully find a partner that wants what you want.

Original poster
fifi19 · 18/08/2022 14:08

I do sometimes doubt his fidelity. I found in his phone while ago that at the early days when we were dating, he used to ask a collegue female to be his girldfriend because he thought that thay would make a perfect couple. we have been dating for 3 months when he sent those messages.

OP posts:
Crazykatie · 18/08/2022 14:11

If it was me I would ask him to marry me , because with a child you need security, if he refuses you have to decide wether to leave or make the best of staying. As you live overseas you may not have the family support we have in the UK so leaving may not be easy.

Sandra1984 · 18/08/2022 14:18

you Missed the chance to negotiate the day you moved in with him and had a baby, he’s got everything he wants now, so that ship has sailed. I would secretly meet a lawyer and see what your financial options are if you decide to opt out of this er….”partnership”. I would start putting my financial ducks in a row too, ultimately you can sit with him and let him know that either you guys get married and he properly commits or you’re planning to
get a lawyer and go solo with your child.

Pansypotter123 · 18/08/2022 14:21

As you have family nearby can you not just leave and move in with them?

What is your financial position. Are you dependent on your partner for money? What is your job?

Obviously none of us can assist with the legal side of things in your country - unless you are willing to tell us where you are.

However, what would be the position if you did take your girl with you to your family?

Could he or his family cause problems for you?

Original poster
fifi19 · 18/08/2022 14:40

I do work at human resources of a company. I live in Albania. I don’t know if i decide to leave him, could i ask for full costudy of the child and don’t leave him see his daughter if he isn’t willing to pay me back the money i put for the house? It is about 30 000 euros. I have my families support and I don’t think his parents could cause trouble to me nor my child

OP posts:
billy1966 · 18/08/2022 14:42

How much money exactly have you invested in HIS house?

Original poster
fifi19 · 18/08/2022 14:43

30 000 euros

OP posts:
billy1966 · 18/08/2022 14:44

You need legal advice re the money you have put into HIS house.

Get legal advice first.
Then make a decision.

It is highly unlikely he wants to marry you so be prepared for that.

Sorry.

KatherineJaneway · 18/08/2022 14:55

Aquamarine1029 · 18/08/2022 14:06

He has no intention to marry you and I doubt he ever will. He has a woman, a baby, and a house that he won't lose. He has no incentive to marry you because he already has everything he wants. Sadly, you should have discussed marriage and the future long before you moved in and had a child. Your options are to stay and be very vulnerable, or leave him, create your own stability and hopefully find a partner that wants what you want.

Agree with this

Pansypotter123 · 18/08/2022 15:00

Can you access legal advice in Albania?

Are there any women's support groups?

Original poster
fifi19 · 18/08/2022 15:24

Of course we have legal advisers and support groups. The problem is that i nevert have thought this as a serious problem and take real action

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 18/08/2022 15:40

fifi19 · 18/08/2022 15:24

Of course we have legal advisers and support groups. The problem is that i nevert have thought this as a serious problem and take real action

You’re going to need that legal advice before negotiating marriage with your boyfriend as you need to know were you “legally stand”, stuff like who gets the house, who gets custody of the child etc… You need to know your options before you have “the conversation”. And just tell him “I want commitment, so either we marry or I’m separating”. End of.

Crazykatie · 18/08/2022 16:12

Albania, different rules, if you do leave your parents are your best bet, you go careful

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/08/2022 16:23

I don’t know if i decide to leave him, could i ask for full costudy of the child and don’t leave him see his daughter if he isn’t willing to pay me back the money i put for the house?

You need to seek legal advice from a solicitor in Albania but in the UK you could ASK for full custody, and if granted he would have to pay maintenance for the child. He could also request reasonable access to his child, a common arrangement here is every other weekend and one overnight in the week.

Your daughters right to contact with her father is separate from financial matters between you. You will often hear the phrase "children are not pay per view" - it means that if your ex is behind on paying maintenance for his child, you're not entitled to withhold contact.

If you have proof of the money you've put into the house then that is another matter for a solicitor to advise on. It should be possible to get back at least a proportion of your investment.

However, that would be the case in the UK and again you need legal advice locally as different countries have different systems.

DiamondTeal · 18/08/2022 17:01

Legal advice on Albania BEFORE making decisions. Very important to understand the money side of it. If I were you I would consult two lawyers to get as full a picture as possible.

Original poster
fifi19 · 18/08/2022 17:03

No proof of all the money spent. I searched briefly and i think we have a similar legal system. Thank u

OP posts:
DiamondTeal · 18/08/2022 17:03

Money talks.

Bullshit walks.

Make sure you are not wasting your life with a bullshitting “taker”. Starting with the “legals”.