Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He wants to take it slow

44 replies

seadoo · 18/08/2022 07:08

I became friends with a man in April. About 6 weeks ago we started speaking everyday as an incident in our friendship group brought us closer. He has messaged me "Your welcome, your an attractive lady with an interesting personality, and I am really enjoying getting to know you at a slow pace. Although I think I would be too much for you 😆"

Now, he has told me all about his past which he has had lots of relationships he jumped into and some of the outcomes were horrific. He is clearly traumatised by it. Twice in person he has told me he does want to meet someone but has walls up. After his history it's understandable he is guarded. I do like this guy and completely agree for both of our benefits we should get to know each other slowly as many years ago I rushed into something which was not a good idea.

Is it best to move on as I don't want to be hanging around for someone who could be just passing the time with no real intention of having a relationship with myself of anyone? I don't want to be in the same position in another 6 weeks of still being friends and it's not going anywhere.

OP posts:
Wonderwoman333 · 18/08/2022 07:20

Sorry but it sounds like he's not interested in taking things any further. I would move on.

Fieldfly · 18/08/2022 07:24

He’s not really interested. ‘Attractive lady’ 🤮. Plus poor grammar.

crimsonlake · 18/08/2022 07:24

Personally I think you have answered your own question in the last paragraph.
However, I see nothing wrong in taking things slowly, although that depends on your age to some extent and how you see your future down the line.
Possibly you should always bear in mind' when someone tells you who they are you should believe them', it could be applicable here.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 18/08/2022 07:26

In what way were the previous relationship outcomes horrific, crazy exes?

Original poster
seadoo · 18/08/2022 07:28

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 18/08/2022 07:26

In what way were the previous relationship outcomes horrific, crazy exes?

Multiple exes have cheated and 2 were domestic abusers. He is quite a reserved guy and said he does not hit woman but has been verbally and physically abused. He did have some relationships that went ok but fizzled out.

OP posts:
Crazykefir · 18/08/2022 07:31

How far has it got physically?

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 18/08/2022 07:31

Run for the hills would be my advice following your update.

jammiewhammie65 · 18/08/2022 07:32

He has already told you to expect very little from him

UserError012345 · 18/08/2022 07:37

*you're 😂

Would you like a relationship with him? Or is he being massively presumptuous!!

Slow isn't always a bad thing.

It sounds like he's being honest BUT depends if you're on board. Personally from what you've said, I'd be inclined to leave him as a friend.

Halstead · 18/08/2022 07:38

jammiewhammie65 · 18/08/2022 07:32

He has already told you to expect very little from him

This.

EmergencyHepNeeded · 18/08/2022 07:39

I would run so fast away from this man. Too much drama, I wouldn't know whether I could trust what he said and besides he is not even interested. Do not see that as a challenge.

Antarcticant · 18/08/2022 07:45

He just doesn't sound very interested. I think you're better off seeing him as a friend than a potential partner.

KangarooKenny · 18/08/2022 07:47

I’d be put off by the spelling.

minticecreamisjustok · 18/08/2022 07:50

Run for the hills, what he means is, he's not that interested but if you were in a relationship, he would be a complete nightmare.

DatingDinosaur · 18/08/2022 07:50

To be honest, if a guy said that to me (take things slow, life story about awful exes, has walls up) I’d assume he was giving me the gentle let down and isn’t interested in me romantically but doesn’t dislike me as a person.

Carry on getting to know him. Treat him as a friend first and foremost. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Don’t assume it will go anywhere – if it does then great, if it doesn’t then you’ve gained a friend (who may have friends he can introduce you to).

Monday55 · 18/08/2022 07:52

He is letting you down gently.

ChloeKellyIsAnIcon · 18/08/2022 07:54

I certainly wouldn't pin all your hopes on him. Can you carry on chatting to him, but also stay open to meeting other potential partners? (I'm assuming things haven't got physical / official with him so you wouldn't be being unfaithful.)

Meltingsocks · 18/08/2022 07:57

Urgh. 'Got walls up' - he's giving you drama before a first date even!

He sounds hard work. Avoid

girlmom21 · 18/08/2022 07:58

"I think I'd be too much for you" is giving you a heads up that he's a huge twat and if you pursue a relationship he'll say "I did warn you id be too much for you"

magaluf1999 · 18/08/2022 07:58

Its only 6 weeks? If you like him then give it a few more months and see what happens.

What is the rush and what do you have to lose?

SquirrelSoShiny · 18/08/2022 07:59

minticecreamisjustok · 18/08/2022 07:50

Run for the hills, what he means is, he's not that interested but if you were in a relationship, he would be a complete nightmare.

This.

Honestly when someone tells you who they are, listen. It's an old truism I learned the hard way.

Joey69 · 18/08/2022 08:01

What’s wrong with him wanting to take is slow ?
if he has been cheated on by some crappy women (this could be a line of course ), then im not surprised TBH.
6 weeks takes you to the end of September, I don’t think the world will tun out of single men, by then what’s the harm of putting a time limit on seeing him, if things are not moving along the way you want, look for someone else
he might be a great bloke once you get to know him.

layladomino · 18/08/2022 08:02

I would steer well clear.

At best, he is telling you that there will be drama and it won't be easy if you date him.

At worst, he is telling you that he creates and enjoys that drama, and poor partner material

I would be put off by 'attractive lady' and his grammar but I appreciate that might be shallow of me.

Mostly, I would be suspicious that all the ex's were crazy - not impossible of course, but when am man feels the need to point out he doesn't hit women (does he want a certificate for that?) that's weird.

bloodyunicorns · 18/08/2022 08:10

Crap grammar. Dump for that alone!

Seriously? Run for the hills. 'I'd be too much for you?' And most of his exes were abusive?? Right.

Nah.

velvetpeach · 18/08/2022 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.