Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why would someone ignore you but…

28 replies

gertyu · 17/08/2022 12:20

Not block you?

My ex, with whom I have a child, refuses to speak at all about anything. I text before birth, when they were born, about maintenance, then about nursery… it’s 18 months on and the messages deliver and he blanks me.

I am aware I should leave it but before I went to CM I wanted to give him opportunity to discuss. Likewise with nursery etc.

I am not bothered about it in the sense of I long to hear from him but I’m genuinely bemused as to why he wouldn’t either say 1) please don’t contact me or 2) block me, which he knows how to do.

Again I don’t need advice on ‘letting anything go’, I’m not in love with the guy just genuinely curious as to what makes someone behave like that?

If it was me I’d just respond or be clear I didn’t want to hear these things unless it’s an emergency for instance or just block. This is a highly educated man who is quite capable of being rational and sensible.

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 17/08/2022 12:23

I imagine he actually reads (and wants) the update that is in the message. It is only the request for a response/question you pose he's ignoring.

Mrsjayy · 17/08/2022 12:25

It sounds like a control thing and I'm not sure what you could do to change it, does he see his child ?

DenholmElliot1 · 17/08/2022 12:26

I agree with PP. he wants to be kept informed and updated he just doesn't want to enter into dialogue with you.

stayinghometoday · 17/08/2022 12:29

Would it give you closure to send one last message, like : since you're not responding to anything concerning our child I will stop updating you. If in the future you have questions you can email me at..... And then block. Give uourself the peace that you deserve. You tried, the door is still open via email but the ball is in his court.

Justcallmebebes · 17/08/2022 12:30

Does he see the child at all as it doesn't sound like it from your post? If not, then don't provide any updates at all.

If he has any decency about him at all, he'll get in touch himself for information but I wouldn't provide sporadic updates to someone who doesn't se their child and doesn't respond to any updates or info. What a complete loser

Mrsjayy · 17/08/2022 12:30

Surely he should respond though ? Op is caring for his child sharing information he can't muster up an "ok".

Original poster
gertyu · 17/08/2022 12:31

He’s never seen them.

the messages aren’t updates they’re questions too. Ie what shall we do about maintenance? Shall I make an application?

Do you want to see x?

Wouod you like to discuss a nursery, this is what im thinking …

it’s obviously pointless and I’ve decided this last weekend to stop. But im honestly perplexed as to why he’s let them all come through for so long.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 17/08/2022 12:33

I would stop sending messages and make decisions yourself.

Isaidnoalready · 17/08/2022 12:34

Has he changed his number? How do you know he is receiving them?

Mrsjayy · 17/08/2022 12:35

gertyu · 17/08/2022 12:31

He’s never seen them.

the messages aren’t updates they’re questions too. Ie what shall we do about maintenance? Shall I make an application?

Do you want to see x?

Wouod you like to discuss a nursery, this is what im thinking …

it’s obviously pointless and I’ve decided this last weekend to stop. But im honestly perplexed as to why he’s let them all come through for so long.

Go through a lawyer he's taking the piss and hoping you and your baby go away, he isn't interested but needs to take responsibility.

katishot · 17/08/2022 12:49

Is he paying child maintenance?

Tbh I just would not bother any more. He's not interested at all and has made that clear.
And why should he be involved in nursery decisions etc when he wants no part in his child's life.
Stop messaging him.

Original poster
gertyu · 17/08/2022 12:51

Yeah I won’t be messaging him again.

Just genuinely curious about what goes through a person’s mind. He must have around 50 texts unanswered from me over the last couple of years.

Definitely his phone as he has a WhatsApp photo still.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 17/08/2022 13:02

I still think it's about control . Go to a solicitor. I'm sorry you are having to do this he sounds a delight.

Newbestmate · 17/08/2022 13:05

Power

FlyingSaucerss · 17/08/2022 13:06

Funny this me and my ex don’t speak at all I mean he has no contact with our kids at all and hasn’t in 2 years and I made my own thread the other day asking if it’s ok to block him now as we have had no contact in 2 years and everyone said not to block him and just leave it open, so maybe he has been advised the same not to block and just leave it open 🤷‍♀️

londonlass71 · 17/08/2022 13:06

Have you asked him? I actually don't think he wants to be involved. Blocking someone takes effort - there are guys I haven't bothered blocking, I've just ignored them when they contact.

I would text and say "given you aren't responding I won't send anymore updates or info regarding <insert childs name >, but if and when you're ready to be invilved, you'll always be welcome to as a co-parent. I'll leave it to you to reach out if and when youre ready.

I may also add something like "I'm not interested in you in any kind of relationship with you other than Co parentings which I just wany to make clear so there is no awkwardness. My messages and reaching out are solely for <insert childs name>

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 17/08/2022 13:09

I think, sadly, it's a sign of how unimportant you and the child are to him. He reads the question, he goes back to what he was doing. It doesn't concern him long enough to be a nuisance. It's just an irrelevance.

Sorry, op.

Pinkbonbon · 17/08/2022 13:12

Think i would have stopped updating him 2 months after the birth, dunno why you've bothered for so long. He isn't her dad, he's a sperm doner. Couldn't give a fuck about what nursery someone like that would prefer for my child.

And he doesn't block you because he likes the idea that you are still in love with him and desperately need him and that is why you contact him. It strokes his ego.

People can be smart and still have no empathy empathy their fellow man. They can know a just, not care.

Original poster
gertyu · 17/08/2022 13:12

He’s definitely blocked people in the past as I remember him doing it. He’s aware of how to do it.

I wonder what he gets out of it really as the messages just make him look pretty shit - I was always polite! Odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
gertyu · 17/08/2022 13:14

Pinkbonbon · 17/08/2022 13:12

Think i would have stopped updating him 2 months after the birth, dunno why you've bothered for so long. He isn't her dad, he's a sperm doner. Couldn't give a fuck about what nursery someone like that would prefer for my child.

And he doesn't block you because he likes the idea that you are still in love with him and desperately need him and that is why you contact him. It strokes his ego.

People can be smart and still have no empathy empathy their fellow man. They can know a just, not care.

@Pinkbonbon

that’s the thing though, I really don’t think he cares at all whether I had feelings for him. I know he’s not in a new relationship but I’m certain he couldn’t give a shit about whether I still harboured any feeling. It was very much over.

I don’t know why it irritates me so much that I can’t understand why he’s done it!! It just does. He’s been a bit of a head case since day one though to be fair.

OP posts:
Dery · 17/08/2022 13:18

In a sense he’s answering by not answering. He’s not interested and that’s what he’s communicated by not replying.

KyaClark · 17/08/2022 13:20

I'm genuinely bemused as to why you continue to text someone that never replies.

FlyingSaucerss · 17/08/2022 13:24

I just ignore my ex now, if ever he texts I ignore him, he doesn’t want to see our kids so I have no interest in what he has to say, maybe it’s the same for him but the other way round so he has no interest in your child so he just ignores what you have to say, I’ve seen people say on here before that blocking someone makes it look like you care so maybe he just leaves it open hoping you will get the hint one day it really doesn’t have to mean he is secretly interested as imo it doesn’t mean that at all for me

WTF475878237NC · 17/08/2022 14:37

The messages don't make him look shit because they're just from you to him...who would he look shit to? He reads them for what they are - updates.

whentheraincame · 17/08/2022 14:52

I don't think men have the same inherent bond women do on the whole. He doesn't care. Great, he won't bother you. Raise your child the best you can and enjoy your life.

A lot of men spread their seed and then just let it go. It's almost like it's biological or something.

Swipe left for the next trending thread