Old Marrieds - Do you still kiss/have a decent sex life

[Blossom4538]

I adore DH, but our sex life and kissing is none- existent. It makes me a little sad to be honest. Been together for over 20 years, married for over half of that.

Yep... use it or lose it!

So why stay married to him??

Married 41 years, still regular active sex life and we both would have an issue with going more than a week without.

There have been times when we've found ourselves getting a little distance with work and life getting in the way, so we decided a few years ago to have a cuddle every night before getting into bed. Just a big cuddle, often leads to kissing, but the goal is not sex, it is to keep the intimacy alive daily. It works for us.

I’m very happy about it. I put up with his snoring for many years as I had no choice and he wouldn’t do anything about it, but when the sex went and he did nothing about that either, then he started having night terrors as well I’d had enough.

We've been together 8 years, and in our 60s. Very tactile, active sex life, very busy lives doing fun things. Previous marriages totally different

Don't underestimate the importance of comfortable companionship.

Together 32 years, married for 27 years, we’re approaching 60. Sex is now pretty much once a week, still kissy kissy, hold hands when out etc. Sex used to be every other day without fail, but we’re not unhappy with the frequency now.
HRT and Vagifem for me, T for him have made a positive difference as we’ve got older.

Don't underestimate the importance of comfortable companionship.

Agree with this, although others may not. Dh and I have talked about what would happen if one of us completely went off sex. For us both our shared history - Children, grandchildren, memories, hobbies and friendship are worth more than sex.
I couldn’t imagine life without him, I could imagine life without sex.

I know women in theory shouldn't have to do all the emotional work, but I think this is a positive example of you wanting things to be different and taking steps to make that happen.

It's probably been similar for us. If I hadn't initiated the conversations, it wouldn't have happened. I also am much more spontaneous in initiating a quick peck, hug or grope, but have noticed DP is now much more likely to initiate low level affection. It's become normal for us.

I think your post is very helpful as it means there is hope for those who aren't happy with the lack of a sex life. Obviously it won't work for everyone, but there is always hope!

What a lot of sad stories from some of the PPs. There is no reason why a happy sex life can’t continue into old age.
My PILs consulted me informally for advice about FIL’s erectile dysfunction when they were in their eighties, and were both very obviously concerned about the problem! (Should add, I’m a doctor, it wasn’t a random query!)
Fortunately it was just a side effect of FIL’s beta blockers, prescribed after his heart attack, so easily sorted.

@MissyB1 vagifem or similar , vaginal oestrogen. Talk to your gp.

Yes - been married 23 years today 😂
still hold hands when out and about
kiss / affectionate in public / plenty of kissing being affectionate at home
Have sex 2–3 times a week

more if on holiday

40 plus years together. Kiss and cuddle everyday, hold hand when out, love to hold each other. Great sex life even better now we are retired.
Someone once said to me:
'Never leave the house without kissing goodbye, it may be the last time you do so.'

Mid 50s, married 31 years. Still in love, still physically affectionate (kiss, hold hands, sex), still care about and for each other.

So many of our plans will start with the words 'I've been thinking...' only to find the other has been thinking the same thing. It is very strange😀.

We are both looking forward to retirement together.

Been together 25+ years, no sex, no kissing, no hand holding, no touching
she is going through menopause and is grumpy, irritable and moody,
Separate beds as she snores now. ( another menopausal trait), I think it’s come to the point of separation now as we barely even speak.

Agree with this, we're all different.

After the twins were born we had a long spell without sex. Life just got in the way. At one point OH joked that having kids had turned him celibate. Made me think and we had a talk and made a conscious effort. He's a bit closed and doesn't share his feelings well and we talked about lots of aspects. It helped, he was worried about upsetting me, being a sex pest, burdening me with his worries (I had no issue with telling him my woes and he listened and knew when to advise and when to simply listen).

The girls are settled in their own lives so we're on our own (apart from DGC visits). We do have separate bedrooms, medical issues make sleeping an issue for him. We both have 'visiting rights', I'll get in beside him for a cuddle or sometimes wake up with him cuddled in beside me. We have our chairs but if one of us sits on the sofa its a sign for the other to come for a cuddle watching the telly.

We still hold hands and kiss, I love him as much if not more than when we married and don't feel the need to show it by jumping on him, but I do tell him as he tells me. There is a lot of just quietly sitting watching telly or reading but its nice to know he's there, makes me feel happier.

That’s beautiful!

Been together 23yrs. We're not touchy feely or kiss all the time, especially compared to our newlywed friends. Amazing sex but not everyday, maybe 1-2 a week.

Been together 20 years, me late 40s, DH 50s, about 3-4 times a week and lots of snogging. Had periods of little or none (sex, always lots of snogging for some reason) but has picked up now kids are either leaving home or away at school.

@BigFatLiar 'our chairs' made me smile. We have 'our chairs'.6

We've been together 22 years, married for 21 years. In the beginning we had sex daily (or more!) for years. It's gradually petered out to maybe twice a month. I do miss having more regular sex and would love to have more of it. DH is gorgeous and we still adore each other but DD being constantly at home means we have absolutely no privacy. She's 26 but has no plans to move out - not that I don't love having her at home, I do, but there are some drawbacks! She actually complained a couple of years ago that she heard us having sex (we do it really quietly, hardly swinging from the chandeliers stuff, because she's in the next room) so that's made us really self conscious. We actually book the occasional night at a hotel just to get a bit of privacy and when we do, it's like it was in the beginning again.

Affection wise, not a massive amount - we always have a bit of a kiss when one of us is leaving the house and we always hold hands when we're out, but I'd love more 'proper' kissing (usually it's just a precursor to sex). I'd also love for DH to say 'I love you' or to compliment me more often.

I suppose it's not too bad for two decades but I'd love more sex - won't happen until DD moves out though!

I know! Mine is early 70s and still expects maintenance sex twice a week and would grope all the time given the chance. (He isn’t given the chance).

35 years married.

Before others say LTB, he’s a terrific and involved hands-on dad to our 3 AC, including one with SEN and we work well as a team, we’ve worked out life so we have the freedom and flexibility to pursue our own friendships and interests as well as the ones we share, and being married to him means I have a good quality of life and living. We respect, like, love and appreciate each other.

Kissing I went off a long time ago, although it’s a precursor to sex, holding hands isn’t something we ever did a lot of.

It’s not love’s dream or what we “should” be doing but marriage is about a lot more than just the physical as you get older, although it’s great when that works well too.. It’s good that people are honest, we don’t all want to be bonking and groping!

Mid forties, together 27 years. married 16 years. Sex maybe 3-5 times a month on average. Hard to work out as the heat is killing it. We had maybe 3 times in our relationship when we went through sexless periods, caused mainly by stress/burnout type situations. I would say I have had a higher sex drive throughout our relationship until the last few years, now that has changed but I still enjoy it when we do it. I have gotten into a habit of forgetting about it! Agree with PP conversation is important, because it turned out we both think quite differently about sex and at times that made us distant. Lots of non-sexual affection every day. I'm overweight and he's fit as well which I am trying to work on as it is making we feel self-conscious atm. Generally happy and settled though.

Together 30 years, married 26. 51&50. Am menopausal which has blunted my desire a bit but not much. I think because my libido went through the roof in my 40s(poor DH couldn’t keep up) I noticed it decline but from a high point. Have two young adult DC in the house a lot so that kills spontaneity at times. We are still affectionate and kiss and hold hands, spend lots of time together, walk the dog together daily and talk.We can have several weeks without sex and there’s never any pressure but when we do it’s still as good as ever. I think the affection and closeness keeps the connection so you don’t drift apart.

Together 31 years,I'm menopausal and have had some health issues.

We had sex all the time,even when we had young kids.
We still have kids at home but I don't know whether it is the menopause or I just don't live him anymore.