Is it likely this man will find true love?

[Lookingtothefuturenow]

This is my ex, and silly me, I thought I was different to his many exes, and am questioning why I stayed with him for almost 5 years-
He's almost 60 and this was his longest relationship, never married; told me at the end he didn't love me and when I asked said he'd never loved any of his exes; never felt deep emotions - didn't shed a tear when his parents and only brother died; said he knew I was mad about him but he didn't feel the same about me; had a superior attitude at times; I was basically discarded like a piece of trash. Yet again, I'm thinking I'll be "the one before" a man finds his true love. I don't want him back but dreading hearing about/ seeing him with someone else. How do I change my thinking like this?

I can understand that. It might not seem like much consolation right now but the reason you feel this pain and are vulnerable to it is because you are open to a real loving relationship and capable of experiencing one. He’s not, so yes maybe he can flit from one woman to the next but ultimately he will never experience the real thing like you will. He sounds like a sociopath, going through life without really feeling, like eating out every night but with no ability to actually taste. If that makes sense!

You will get involved with someone again, you’ll be vulnerable again…because that is a healthy human experience. I think you can only try to reduce the chances of getting hurt again by being really alert to red flags and looking at someone’s actions to see how much they really care.

In this case…It’s not you, it’s him. It’s really him! Good riddance.

One thing you might do is make a list of the reasons why you are feeling so upset that aren’t really about him…..ie, wasted time on him, he wasn’t the person you hoped he would be, you have worries about being ‘good enough’ or being alone. Then make a list of actual real qualities he could offer anyone in a relationship that will give his partner what they need…if you put it all in context, there will be nothing on that list. He’s got nothing. For you or anyone. Then maybe think about red flags you ignored or things you tolerated that you should not put up with or accept again because you are worth much more.

Kindly, I think you would be better asking yourself why you give a fuck about his future one. I am sure he had the odd good points, but with lots of exes, and not married at to any of them at 60, there will not be a queue around the block vying for his attention.
He sounds truly horrible with his nasty little confession. Move on and up and give him no more thought.

This may help OP, some good comments here ; natashaadamo.com/do-emotionally-unavailable-men-change/

And here's my favourite piece of Natasha's wisdom, enjoy ! -

natashaadamo.com/is-my-ex-happy-in-his-new-relationship/

My ex said exactly the same, both

Sorry posted too soon. Both his parents died when he was young, he didnt cry or show any emotion. Used to say just because he doesnt show it doesnt nean. During covid he didnt see his kids as much nor me and he said he didnt miss us. No point as it didnt change anything. Just had to get on with things.

Wow, thank you so much for your helpful advice. I did actually make a list of all the reasons why I'm now better off out of the relationship; he was critical of me, my home, my interests at times, didn't make me a priority in his life, but the suggestion you make about listing what qualities he has to give to a prospective partner has me stumped, to be honest. Just like when the counsellor asked me what I loved about him, I couldn't really answer. She also told me I'd a lucky escape.

In all I say, I am by no means perfect myself, and, like everyone, he has his good points, but not in how he treated me and discarded me at the end. I was questioning whether it's actually normal to tell someone you never loved them after many years together.

Re his confession, he used to tell me previously that this is just how he is - blunt! Blunt but extremely hurtful to hear.

A friend of mine bumped into him over Christmas. She said he didn't seem himself, appeared depressed. I hope he's not, because I wouldn't like to think of him feeling this way, but maybe he's realised the grass isn't greener elsewhere. I'd never go back there though.

At his age it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants or what love is. Just be glad you're away from him.

People do have the capacity to change, most lack the driving force to do so though.

He is 60, barring major life-changing events his course is probably set. I think you will find yourself in a better place without him, especially if you can become disinterested in how he is doing.

Yes, I don't ask about him at all when I meet mutual friends, and they don't normally either, so I was surprised to hear this really. I've made a lot of progress in building myself up again and am thinking about him less, I just have the occasional down day.