Is it likely this man will find true love?

[Lookingtothefuturenow]

This is my ex, and silly me, I thought I was different to his many exes, and am questioning why I stayed with him for almost 5 years-
He's almost 60 and this was his longest relationship, never married; told me at the end he didn't love me and when I asked said he'd never loved any of his exes; never felt deep emotions - didn't shed a tear when his parents and only brother died; said he knew I was mad about him but he didn't feel the same about me; had a superior attitude at times; I was basically discarded like a piece of trash. Yet again, I'm thinking I'll be "the one before" a man finds his true love. I don't want him back but dreading hearing about/ seeing him with someone else. How do I change my thinking like this?

To know how things will pan out for him, look at his past. He is not suddenly going to develop an empathetic personality.

Chances are he will find another quite soon but don't be fooled if you see loved up images on FB etc. You KNOW this man is at best a sociopath and probably, as a PP stated, a psychopath. He will never find a deep meaningful relationship because he is incapable of maintaining one.

I have a similar ex. He treated me very badly. It was years ago and I had no idea about the dark triad personality types. It was a steep learning curve and he nearly broke me. It took to years to feel normal.

Do nothing but realise it was a dodged bullet.

It helped me too! My STBXH wasn’t as cold as yours but he wasn’t exactly kind…that whole website is worth a browse actually, someone on here mentioned it to me.

@ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley Chances are he will find another quite soon...

More than likely. He has umpteen exes.

Watch from afar now OP. It will give you years of entertainment.

I think it'll serve you better to stop focussing on his future as a source of pain/reassurance for yourself.

Your life isn't about him, now. Whether he will find love is as relevant to you as whether the person next door but 3 finds love.

Focus on yourself.

He sounds like a narcisist. Only their needs are ever addressed x

@Mississipi71 He sounds like a narcisist.

I have had a couple of sessions with a counsellor and she suggested this.

I know you probably can't see it now, but you've had a lucky escape. Maybe continue with the counsellor for another while.

I thought a couple of sessions might have been enough, but maybe not. I might have a few more.

Sometimes you need more than you think - this was my experience. As for him, forget him - he'll be someone else's problem.

So I've reason to believe he's seeing someone now. I wasn't trying to find out as I'm getting on with things, but somebody mentioned something in passing. Why do I feel low on hearing this? Didn't think I'd feel sad.

You should be thinking, god help her.

Your ex sounds completely devoid of a heart and I think you had a very lucky escape

Leopards never change their spots.

Know a lot about autism, do you?

@Lookingtothefuturenow your ex sounds exactly like mine. It’s almost 3 months since the break up and as your ex mine has been out more etc as a PP said wait until they’re home alone on an autumn night. Keep your head held high and be thankful you are not stuck in a dead end relationship anymore xx

knocking back the drinks and dancing non stop, 😂

At 60 he sounds adorable, getting vibes of Alan Partridge.

I did speak to a therapist for a while and this is what she also told me. My default thinking seems to revert to thinking that he'll suddenly be different with this woman. I was his longest relationship.

By his own description of himself and his reactions I would say he is a psychopath. So in this case, it is him, not you. There will never be a "the one".

Couldn't have said it better! This is spot on!

He's a broken human. All he's going to find in his future is erectile disfunction.

Made me laugh!

Yeah, same with STBXH. He’s (in theory) made loads of changes - counselling, medical help for his issues…and I felt so hurt that he could make those changes for her but not for me…but actually he’s already quit the counselling and I still see his behaviours coming out towards me and our DD. He hasn’t changed, he’s just giving that impression…for now.

It does hurt to be tossed aside when they move on. You just have to remember that they desperately need that attention, if you’re not providing that, they will quickly move on to someone else. What amazes me is how easily they do find the next one.

Stay strong, you’re doing really well. In time you’ll realise that this ending was a gift.

Yes, he's had a lot of previous relationships, all ended by him, from what I can gather, so I'm just someone else he's discarded.

This sounds like my ex-h. All his needs came above everything else. That and a love of other people's money. He discarded me and our toddler son. He literally gives not a shit about anybody but himself. He is able to pretend very well though, until he's got what he wants.

It's sad I think. These people don't know what love is and never ever will. They are devoid of anything. I feel very glad to be out of it now, regardless of the pain he caused me and our son. Therapy saved my life.

I only had about 4 sessions of therapy. They did help at the time though.

No he won’t find true love, and he sounds incapable of understanding or experiencing it. You won’t be the ‘one before’. Really, not a chance.

Thanks, that helps me feel better. I suppose I'm angry that I was stung along and discarded then like all the others - easy for him, just added to his long list of exes, while I was left in pieces really and it's made me wary of getting involved with anyone again.