Advice on introducing a new partner to my child

[MissyAlly41]

My name is Ally I'm 41 and have a 7 year old son and I have been in a relationship with someone for 3 months now and haven't yet introduced my child. My sons dad is not wanting me to introduce our son to my partner yet as he believes it's too soon and that it takes 18 months to truly know someone.
I know its early days but I have met his family and he has met mine and we are very strong and solid together and really want a future.
I have talked a lot with my son about how he would feel in meeting and going out places with a friend of mine and he has openly told me he is fine and wants me to be happy. He knows that any new person in my life wouldn't ever replace his Dad or even attempt to. My son will always be my number one priority.
I'm really confused on what to do as I genuinely want to be able to take my son out to parks and zoos and all kinds of places with my partner but I can't unless his Dad is okay with it as I have to respect his wishes as his Dad.
I really would appreciate any help by anyone who may have experienced anything remotely similar to my situation as I'm so confused.

Definitely too soon after just 12 weeks.

Way too soon
W is right
maybe not 18 months but still way too soom
you hardly know this guy
dont involve your son by asking him either !

The dad cannot dictate when you introduce someone but I do think 3 months is too soon.

Absolutely way too soon.
If your ds sees his dad regularly, why the rush? You presumably have child free time to see your new partner.

And that's what he is. New.
He shouldn't be meeting your child.

And yes, totally inappropriate that you have spoken to your ds about it.
Do you not see that he's just saying what he will know you want to hear? 🙄

3 months feels soon to me. Still very early days, nice it is going well but i wouldn't be introducing my child yet. Nor would i be asking child his opinion until it was likely to happen ie father on board or willing to introduce against dad's wishes.

Good grief, op. It is far, FAR too soon to introduce this man to your child. You barely know him FGS.

Your ex doesn't get to dictate the timeline, but agree with him and PP that 3 months is too soon.

This is not a decision you should put in your son's hands.

Far too soon, you don’t know someone in 3 months.

I know its early days but I have met his family and he has met mine and we are very strong and solid together and really want a future.

You claim you're 4, but this is something a very young, naive woman would say.

12 weeks??

What the hell is the rush?

18 months sounds good.

Im considering the same thing, dating for 3 months, speaking for a few weeks before that. I met his children a week ago, and it went well. Thinking of him meeting my two in two weeks, briefly for a dinner here.

I agree that it's still a little too soon just yet but you certainly don't have to have the approval of your ex when it does come to it.

For now I'd carry in enjoying your dates when he's with his dad. You need to be certain that he's sticking around and it's not going to fizzle out in a few months.x

*you claim you're 41

3 months? No way would I be introducing him to my child at that stage. You can't even have begun to know him properly yet. You have time to do things with him while your son is with his dad. Forget about playing happy families at the zoo: that can come, if it does, miles down the line.

And as PP have said, don't involve your child in this decision.

I think your ex sounds quite sensible to be honest! I’d be expecting him to follow the same rules with new partner too.

Its great that you’re happy and feel the relationship is going well but quite honestly, 12 weeks is nothing at all.

I also wouldn’t be mentioning it to my child!

OP I'm also 41 and have been seeing a guy for 10 weeks now. Probably a bit different from your situation in that we're very casual and don't see each other often due to the children.

But even if we do develop into anything else I wouldn't even consider introducing him to my daughter for a few months yet. I know he feels exactly the same.

I would not be happy if my ex H introduced our daughter to a new partner after 3 months either.

12 weeks? Stop bloody speaking to your son about him.

Fucking hell, grow up

solid and strong after 3 months? your ex is in the right and you're behaving like a dizzy teenager.

Advice- don’t be so fucking stupid. You do not introduce a man to your 7yo until you have been in the relationship for a couple of years and know it will lasts. Have you not read about men who groom single mothers to get access to their kids and then sexually abuse them! How many ‘daddies’ do you want your son to have?

3 months is far too soon. I met my husband when I was 30, my ds was 8, we spent almost a year getting to know each other before I introduced them. By then we were pretty sure (you can never be certain) that the relationship was going to last, once they'd met the first time we kept meetings short and at the most once a month for another few months, we didn't live together until we married, by then my ds was 16, he grew up seeing his mother always work fulltime, pay our way, do all the DIY in the house, minor car repairs,lots of camping holidays just me and ds, basically he knew we didn't need another person but that it could be nice to have one we trusted around. Take it slow, enjoy this wonderful time with your son, he doesn't need another adult right now, spend your child free time with your boyfriend (he's not a partner after three months), I'm with your ex in this case.

You shouldn't even be thinking of going to the zoo with your son and a man you have just started going out with. This is a new relationship and it needs to be about you and the man you are dating. Not your son.

I teach year two. Seven year olds are not capable of making decisions like this. They shouldn't have to be taking on the responsibility of their mothers relationships. It shouldn't even be on their radar.

Er what??
He is not your 'partner' after 3 months.
He is someone you're dating, at best your new boyfriend.
You're lovestruck and not thinking straight.
I agree with PP who said that you're talking to your 7 year old about this because you want him to say what you want to hear, to justify what you're planning on doing!
18 months sounds long but depends on how often you see one another etc.
At least 9 months to a year, at a minimum.
You have your priorities wrong and don't get your son involved just because you're lovestruck 😤.

I'd leave it at least 12 months, possibly more.

Your son is just saying what you want to hear. Stop putting the onus on him, that is totally unfair. You don't know this man yet, and introducing him into your household is putting your child at risk of harm. Physical harm or emotional harm, not something you should even contemplate.

3 whole months?!?

You are setting your son up for a cycle of meeting mom’s new boyfriend, getting attached, and then having him disappear.

your ex can’t actually stop you, but you should listen to him because he is a much better parent on this issue.