Advice on introducing a new partner to my child

[MissyAlly41]

My name is Ally I'm 41 and have a 7 year old son and I have been in a relationship with someone for 3 months now and haven't yet introduced my child. My sons dad is not wanting me to introduce our son to my partner yet as he believes it's too soon and that it takes 18 months to truly know someone.
I know its early days but I have met his family and he has met mine and we are very strong and solid together and really want a future.
I have talked a lot with my son about how he would feel in meeting and going out places with a friend of mine and he has openly told me he is fine and wants me to be happy. He knows that any new person in my life wouldn't ever replace his Dad or even attempt to. My son will always be my number one priority.
I'm really confused on what to do as I genuinely want to be able to take my son out to parks and zoos and all kinds of places with my partner but I can't unless his Dad is okay with it as I have to respect his wishes as his Dad.
I really would appreciate any help by anyone who may have experienced anything remotely similar to my situation as I'm so confused.

Far too soon. You could have a succession of partners for 12 weeks. I'd say around the year mark, at the earliest.

I echo pretty much everyone here. 3 months is far too soon.

Three months?

jesus no. Take it slowly, we are talking about a child here not introducing your dog. Why the rush???

Too soon
you need to get to know him warts and all

Well, everyone on here will tell you you should wait 18 months or something as this is the received wisdom, but in reality, from my experience of my friends, family etc, few people actually wait that long - it's a bit impractical. And the risks aren't huge - you presumably aren't going to be insisting the child calls this person "dad" and forms a close bond with them instantly? It's OK for a child just to know someone as "mom's boyfriend" - of course kids can cope with that. It is also of course fine to mention to your 7 year old that you are dating - what are you meant to do - lie to them? Why? Dating if you are single is nothing to be ashamed of.

It also does not matter what your son's father thinks, technically speaking, though in the interests of harmonious co-parenting it is nice if you can compromise to some extent.

Having said all this, I actually waited a year to introduce my current partner to DD - but that was because I felt I had introduced the last one too soon and tried to hard to get them to have a good relationship and it totally backfired - she hated him. So I have put absolutely no pressure on my daughter and current partner having a relationship - never insisted we all have family days out etc etc - and they actually get on really well, and she suggests inviting him to things we are doing together (and he recently took us both on a holiday which was lovely and all his idea).

So my anecdotal advice would be -just chill out about it and definitely don't try and push a close relationship on either of them. If it happens, great. But it won't happen if you are forcing it....

Three months is very soon, however I don't agree with PP who say you should wait 12-18m because if they don't get on then you've wasted over a year with someone. I think it's important to see how they interact, how your child likes his company and, more importantly, how he behaves around your child. I'd say about 6-12m is a bit more reasonable.
However, if you are going to do it anyway, which it sounds like you are, make it a neutral place where your son can walk away if he chooses. Don't go full on PDA, just act like you're friends. No hand holding, no kissing.

Sane parenting decisions can't be made based on how a seven your old perceives something will affect them.

Your child has no comprehension of adult relationships or how rushing into this could affect him.

Anyone can be lovely and wear a mask for 12 weeks. You and your ds can have lovely trips to the zoo without a stranger, it sounds like you are trying to play happy families.

As someone who (as a child) was introduced to a series of my Mum's boyfriends, each of whom then melted away, 3 months is waaaay too soon OP.

I'd say revisit it again when it's been a year.

Sorry but 3 months is too soon.

Personally I would wait 6 to 12 months. You should not even be thinking about family days out at the zoo. You barely know this man.

Stop talking to your child about your new relationships as well. It's completely inappropriate.

You sound about 15, not 41. You don't discuss stuff like this with a 7yo child, your job is to protect your child from as much emotional turbulence as possible. And 3 months in and you think it's forever? Thank goodness your ex is putting your son first because you're not. Try thinking with your brain for a change.

I agree with others that you son's dad has no say at all in when you introduce a new man but, after 12 weeks, this man is your boyfriend, kot your partner (in any sense of the word). In fact, after 12 weeks, he's little more than someone you're dating.

You can't possibly know what sort of person he is really. All you know is want he says and how he makes you feel.

To give some context. When my youngest was 7, she wouldn't even have known I was seeing someone after 12 weeks. I set meeting at at least 6 months and none of the made that cut.

Don't rush your child into playing happy families with him. And don't discuss it with your him. Your relationships amd happiness are none of his concern at this age.

3 months? that's nothing. You barely know the person and you can hardly call them a partner.

You certainly should not introduce them to your child at that stage. It will be really confusing for him if this goes nowhere. You should also not be talking to him like this about your dating life...

If you are online dating especially most relationships will end very quickly. Are you planning to introduce your son to a new man every couple of months?

I would say waiting a year might be better. By then you will know if this is a long term thing or just a brief romance.

Going against the grain here…but I let my 6 year old child meet my new partner after 3 months.

I had reasons for why and it turned out well, four year in and we own a house together and have our own baby together. When they first met, I introduced him as a friend.

Way too soon.

Far too soon. Why are people always so desperate to involve their children in their relationships. Your ex is right wait 18 months and see where you are then

3 months = boyfriend not partner and I agree the child shouldn’t be involved so much. However, as PP said there no shame in a mum dating, and in real life no one waits 18 months (for one thing that’s extremely difficult if you are an actual lone parent) it’s just that there’s a way of going about it.
Dp met mine at around 4 months- but it was in casual ways, as a friend. He did some DIY for me, went out for lunch etc. My dc had seen male friends doing diy, they had been on days out with my friends, so it wasn’t any different. We didn’t do snogging or hand holding, he didn’t stay over for quite a long time and I didn’t leave him alone with them ever, probably for well over a year can’t quite remember. It took years and years to move in together.
Your kid is allowed to know you have male friends just do it safely and sensibly with no pressure (and ignore the “one daddy after another” pearl clutchers, you child knows who his father is and those people just feel
that mothers shouldn’t be having a sex life).