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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Night out and DH picks a fight again

47 replies

1982mommaof4 · 13/08/2022 23:39

Been out tonight for the first time in so long... in at a very reasonable time. DH will usually comment on the fact I only make an effort to look nice when going out with the girls. (Not true, when we go out I make the same effort) granted I look homeless most days at home but hey! We had company tonight when I left so he didn't make his usual sarcastic comments. I've come home early and he's picked a fight over nothing.

Not sure why I'm posting just feeling deflated and sad

OP posts:
SaharaSahara · 13/08/2022 23:42

What has he said x

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/08/2022 23:44

Do you both get to go out when you want to? What was the argument?

Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 13/08/2022 23:46

Just saying I wasn't honest when I phoned him about who was in the pub ... I only phoned to say hi. Didn't think I had to list people who were there. 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 13/08/2022 23:47

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/08/2022 23:44

Do you both get to go out when you want to? What was the argument?

Yes, I would never moan at him when he got home from a night out. I don't go out often (my choice) but when I do there's always some sort of issue

OP posts:
JulesCobb · 13/08/2022 23:50

Why are you ringing him when you are out? Stop doing that.

he doesnt want you going out is the simple answer.

Remagirl · 13/08/2022 23:50

1982mommaof4 · 13/08/2022 23:46

Just saying I wasn't honest when I phoned him about who was in the pub ... I only phoned to say hi. Didn't think I had to list people who were there. 😞

Why do you phone to say hi from the pub? Does he expect you too or do you decide to phone?

LittleOwl153 · 13/08/2022 23:54

He's a controlling jerk who expects his little woman to stay tied to the kitchen sink... so if he constantly belittles you and spoils you nights out without him you will stop going...thus he accomplishes his wish to isolate you.

perimenofertility · 13/08/2022 23:55

How long have you been married? Are there kids?
I honestly don't think I could stay in a relationship if my DH made digs like this. If he loves you he should want you to be happy. Having a night out should be fun and he should want you to have fun. He sounds possessive, jealous, controlling. I fear that comments on what you wear and who is in the pub with you will not lead to a good place.
You deserve much better than this.

Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 13/08/2022 23:56

I know you are all right. I feel like I'm just trying so hard and it shouldn't be this difficult to feel happy. One of his friends who was at our house working made me a cup of tea this morning and I cried../ what is that all about.

OP posts:
lastminutedotcom22 · 13/08/2022 23:58

You shouldn't have to try hard a relationship should be natural; he sounds like an awful control freak why are you with him he's making you miserable 😩

Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 14/08/2022 00:01

I love him and he is good to me and the kids, he just has these weird ways that I have just gotten used too over the years. As I'm getting older though I'm just less accepting of the behaviour.

Sorry to be a drunk moaner.. j should have stayed out 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 14/08/2022 00:02

perimenofertility · 13/08/2022 23:55

How long have you been married? Are there kids?
I honestly don't think I could stay in a relationship if my DH made digs like this. If he loves you he should want you to be happy. Having a night out should be fun and he should want you to have fun. He sounds possessive, jealous, controlling. I fear that comments on what you wear and who is in the pub with you will not lead to a good place.
You deserve much better than this.

Married two years together 18

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2022 00:05

Marriage shouldn't be like this. Why did you marry him after all that time together? Didn't you see what he was like and who he is?

Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 14/08/2022 00:08

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2022 00:05

Marriage shouldn't be like this. Why did you marry him after all that time together? Didn't you see what he was like and who he is?

I just don't know how to answer that, I suppose being honest I have always known what he is like..

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 14/08/2022 00:09

What are his redeeming features?

Do you have freedom in all other ways, or do you normally toe the line to keep the peace?

JulesCobb · 14/08/2022 00:13

he is good to me
is this as long as you dont go out?

Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 14/08/2022 00:15

toomuchlaundry · 14/08/2022 00:09

What are his redeeming features?

Do you have freedom in all other ways, or do you normally toe the line to keep the peace?

He makes me laugh, we laugh together. He is an amazing Dad. He is mostly like his beautiful kind mother but unfortunately has traits of his dad who is a vile man. We have been very much in love in the past. I just worry I was naïve then and am out growing the relationship. I am so upset tonight.. and this is nothing in comparison to some of our arguments.

OP posts:
Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 14/08/2022 00:17

toomuchlaundry · 14/08/2022 00:09

What are his redeeming features?

Do you have freedom in all other ways, or do you normally toe the line to keep the peace?

Probably toe the line more often than I should.. but we go away separately( granted me less than him) I don't ever ask his permission but I always consult him first, just out of respect

OP posts:
Plutoisaplanet · 14/08/2022 00:17

1982mommaof4 · 13/08/2022 23:56

I know you are all right. I feel like I'm just trying so hard and it shouldn't be this difficult to feel happy. One of his friends who was at our house working made me a cup of tea this morning and I cried../ what is that all about.

The crying over the cup of tea is the realisation that a stranger/acquaintance/friend of a friend/random family member(delete as appropriate) gives more of a shit about you than your own husband. The small gesture of them making you a cup of tea and showing genuine kindness is enough to get the tears going and I don’t think it’s got anything to do with the alcohol

ivebeencalledworse · 14/08/2022 00:20

I'm you. You're me. Around xmas I had so many nights out it caused an issue, partly to do with money or perceived money issues. But he didn't pick a fight, he sat me down and explained exactly what his issue was and we agreed that I would reign it in, because he was being reasonable,. and I did reign it in. And now that we sat down and sorted it, I go out less, but I still go out.

He's being immature, so you sit him down and find out what his issue is around you going out - discuss it maturely, and make a plan going forward. And then remind him that that's how all issues should be sorted out, and that picking a fight is very petty and you hope it was just a blip. Get him to agree that next time there's an issue that's what will happen.

This will improve your marriage.

Oh and don't get defensive, take on board what he says, and don't belittle his concerns, try to see his side, and put yours across calmly.

mrsfollowill · 14/08/2022 00:22

He does not sound 'great' you need to have a good think really about how you want your life to pan out. Are you on eggshells a bit?- I couldn't do that for long. So sorry you are in this position it must be shite. You can change things-it will be hard but ultimately worth it.Flowers

toomuchlaundry · 14/08/2022 00:23

Does he have a problem if men are around if you go out?

Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 14/08/2022 00:24

Thank you everyone... i really did need someone to speak to tonight.

I take onboard everyone's comments.

Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 14/08/2022 00:27

toomuchlaundry · 14/08/2022 00:23

Does he have a problem if men are around if you go out?

Not really, I only really go out with the girls any males I'm around usually know him

OP posts:
Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 14/08/2022 00:28

mrsfollowill · 14/08/2022 00:22

He does not sound 'great' you need to have a good think really about how you want your life to pan out. Are you on eggshells a bit?- I couldn't do that for long. So sorry you are in this position it must be shite. You can change things-it will be hard but ultimately worth it.Flowers

Yes eggshells all over the place in this house 🙈

OP posts:
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