Never feel good enough

[Kelly1991]

I never feel good enough for my partner I can't compete with all the thin pretty flawless women around wherever we go.
I wouldn't blame my partner if he cheated on me for being fat and ugly looking. Everywhere I go to I feel out of of place with my pregnant over weight body and ugly face that doesn't stand out. everything about me is Ugly some days I ask myself why my mum and dad decided to have me makes me feel very sad how I look some days 😢

Did your parents tell you that you were ugly and unwanted as a kid?

Sorry you're feeling like this. People who are ugly on the inside don't self reflect the way you are just now. Whatever you look like on the outside, I bet you're a lovely person, even to be concerning yourself with this.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad OP.

Have you always struggled this much with self esteem, or has it gotten worse since being pregnant?

I really sincerely doubt you're as ugly as you currently feel. Your DP is obviously attracted to you otherwise he wouldn't be with you. Does he know about your self esteem issues? How does he make you feel?

Could you be suffering some antenatal depression? Do you normally feel like this about yourself? Maybe it's worth speaking to your GP?

Yes he does he does try to reassure me but I don't always believe him :(

For a long time but more so now because of pregnancy gaining weight I feel so huge and insecure about it :(

Not by my parents but my grandma always put me down about my weight she used to buy me weight watchers and get me do sit ups when I was a teenager. And always nagged me about what I ate.

Your body is amazing OP - it's growing a baby. Try to think about how weird and fantastic it is that your body is busily building a person inside it!

You can lose the weight if you want to once your little one is born.

Your partner obviously likes your face and body and who you are, to choose to be with you. And when your baby is here, you can concentrate on making sure those horrible lessons your grandma taught you about yourself are never taught to your child

This is my 3rd baby. I certainly have wouldn't dream of telling my girls there not good enough to fat to thin or to diet etc x

He chose you OP

Not for the size of your arse - but the size of your heart , your personality , your sense of humour and your amazing ability to grow your family

Don't do this to yourself darling girl ! Those stretch marks are your mama tiger stripes and you earned them

Don't push him away by thinking he needs more

Don't show your children you value your worth by the label on your clothes

Enjoy your family and learn to love you ❤️

It sounds like your grandmother sadly caused you to internalise a negative self image. Understandably, when insecurities stem from childhood, it takes a lot more than a little reassurance to really feel better about it. Have you ever had counselling or therapy to address your self image?

Bless your heart OP. Feel for you and know how you feel. Have you spoken to anyone in real life about this? Well done on posting on here.

I have tried but its never worked for me. Its hard to accept the weight gain my body's getting bigger and none of my nice clothes fit anymore only summer clothes. I have nothing for when it gets cold again x

@Kelly1991 So sorry to hear about how you're feeling. :( Are you under a particular pregnancy team because of your weight? Either way, you could talk to those involved with your care about how you're feeling.

Maybe get some counselling if you can, or get on a waiting list through your GP or see what he suggests. Explain about your Grandma etc.

Give yourself time to recover after pregnancy and do the hardcore bit at the start, then once some of the most hectic bit is over, see your GP to work on losing weight (if you need to.) x

Try not to equate pregnancy with being overweight. That is factually wrong and won't help you.As a PP said, focus on what your body is doing: making a baby, mking room for a baby. That's a miracle.

No one has to be thin. It's not a true measure of success or a way to secure love. It's a bloody good way to feel constantly hungry and control women though.

I can't compete with all the thin pretty flawless women around wherever we go.

60% of women are overweight by the way @Kelly1991 , 29% are obese. So you are focussing in on the minority. Try to focus on being aware of the overweight (aka average) women around you.

If I ever feel ugly it helps me if I remind myself of all the people who are far uglier than me (I'm not saying fat is ugly, but not conventionally attractive.)

For instance I tell myself at least I don't have a facial disfigurement, at least I'm not X, Y, Z, all sorts of attributes that aren't conventionally attractive.

Maybe it'd give you a boost to watch 1000lb Sisters or My 600lb Life, to see people who are presumably far more overweight than you.

I'm not really big but I've gone up a size 16-18 from a 14 it's a lot to gain to me since im only 20 weeks.

You need the mindset that its an honour for him to have you in his life, nothing less.

I just feel he deserves someone who is at least skinny

That doesn't help I still hate my body my size makes me sick 😭

I really would have a chat with the people involved in your care, it might be good to let off steam to them, and they will've heard it all before and should be reassuring.

If you already had body image issues I imagine pregnancy weight gain would be very unpleasant for you.

But it sounds like the weight gain you're experiencing is normal x

I think you need to speak to your doctor about how you're feeling, and start therapy if you can afford it, or get on the waiting list if you can't.

Your body-hate is misplaced, and it may even put a wedge between you and your partner, not because your body is wrong, but because your self-hate is harming you.

But a skinny body is not ‘better ‘ in any way than any other body . Your body is amazing . Nobody can compete with it because it comes with YOU .
is there someone you can talk to OP . I’m sorry your feeling this way

Not really no makes me sad how I hate myself all I see is slim women with nice neat sma bumps :(

It already has we argue a lot iv accused him of cheating and looking at skinny pretty women all the time because I'm insecure 😭

I wouldn't blame my partner if he cheated on me for being fat and ugly looking.

Would you say that about anyone else? that you wouldn’t blame their partner for cheating because they are so fat and ugly?

Thats some very distorted thinking. Basically, try to give yourself the same respect you give other people.

If you spoke about another person the way you do about yourself, people would be horrified.