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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

"What do you like doing?"

37 replies

homarr · 12/08/2022 14:47

Been with my partner for 9 years and we are very different in that he's very sociable and has lots of hobbies. I'm not quite as sociable and I've never had a hobby. I've no idea what I enjoy doing!

Anyway, I was at a wedding recently and this girl who I have met in passing maybe 2/3 times (her husband knows my partner) came over to me and said "so your partner loves going surfing, paddle boarding, karate. You're absolutely stunning but what do you do? Tell me about yourself"

I could've just died on the spot. I felt like I was being interviewed. I felt like I had to pretend to be really interesting. Instead I just stuttered and changed the subject. Am I wrong in thinking that's a little bit of an odd/slightly rude question? Perhaps I'm just feeling stupid because I don't have any hobbies or perhaps the fact that her and her partner have clearly noticed that we are polar opposites and probably have nothing in common!

OP posts:
TobyEsterhase · 12/08/2022 14:59

Are you sure you don't have any hobbies?

What do you do when you are not working or sleeping or eating or spending time with family? These are your hobbies.

Inthemane · 12/08/2022 15:01

I can understand the phrase "tell me about yourself" feels like an interview and I think I'd also struggle to have an answer ready, but I'd concentrate on the positives here!

She said you were stunning and I think she was asking what you did to keep in shape? So she wanted to talk about gym stuff/workouts since she led with what your partner did?

IME this is sort of question is something extroverts use, because they would LOVE to be asked this question. In contrast, if you're an introvert it can make you feel like a spotlight is on you 😩

What do you do when you're on your own? Could you talk about that even if you don't have any specific hobbies? Something like "Oh I love my downtime when I get the chance, I've just binged Stranger Things, are you watching it?"

FrancescaContini · 12/08/2022 15:12

You don’t have to justify yourself to a random stranger at all.

Sapphirensteel · 12/08/2022 15:15

You lower your voice and say “Government work, I could tell you but I’d have to kill you” then smile and say in a really chirpy way what do you do?

KStockHERO · 12/08/2022 15:20

At a class which ended up as a personal training session, a new trainer at my gym asked me what I did when I wasn't at the gym or working.

I was genuinely confused. I mean obviously I sleep, eat, watch TV, use the toilet and shower. But I don't think she was asking about that stuff because that's kinda taken for granted.

I said "I like houseplants and I drink lots of wine" 😂😂😂

Cheminaufaules · 12/08/2022 15:26

There's a slim chance she wanted to know what you do to look stunning so that she could try the same thing?
You mustn't feel pressurised into sounding 'interesting' by having lots of hobbies. Some of the most interesting people in history have been thinkers who haven't joined a gym, the ramblers, or gone sky-diving.

latetothefisting · 12/08/2022 15:37

Cheminaufaules · 12/08/2022 15:26

There's a slim chance she wanted to know what you do to look stunning so that she could try the same thing?
You mustn't feel pressurised into sounding 'interesting' by having lots of hobbies. Some of the most interesting people in history have been thinkers who haven't joined a gym, the ramblers, or gone sky-diving.

Really? Who?
When I think of the "most interesting people in history" I think of people who have done something significant-people like politicians who have revolutionised the world, famous explorers, pioneering doctors or whoever..all.of whom have clearly had a very strong interest and passion for their chosen field. Which is basically what that women was asking "what are you interested in?"

Yes the wording sounds a bit unyielding but tbh I would think someone was a bit boring if they couldn't answer the question or said "um nothing really."

I wouldn't judge at all if your hobbies were nothing like your dps "interesting" outdoorsy ones -if you said "haha we are complete opposites I like reading, crocheting and stamp collecting" I'd think fair enough (i actually do 2 of those 3 so would be a great conversation starter!). But if someone literally couldn't tell me what they like to do I would think it a bit odd, and just wonder what they DO all day. How can you grow to be an adult without knowing what your interests are, even if you don't think they meet the criteria of formal hobbies?

Watchkeys · 12/08/2022 15:39

It's not odd or rude to ask you what you like doing.

You must do something other than work/eat/sleep? What is happening with your time when you're not doing one of those things?

LastWordsOfALiar · 12/08/2022 15:46

I'm the same as you, I hate being asked "tell me about yourself" style questions.

I also think it's a bit of a poor question to ask, especially when asked like she did (I would take it as a dig too). Normal to ask "have you been up to much recently?" "Hows work going?" "Do you guys get up to much at the weekend?". But to just come up with "tell me about yourself" is so broad.

I bet she's not all that interesting herself. Having hobbies doesn't make someone more interesting.

Steakandquinoa · 12/08/2022 15:57

Ugh, yes that does sound like a job interview! One of my family members always asks me what I’m up to today and sometimes I don’t really have anything planned- I’ll do a bit of housework, walk the dog, catch up with TV series, bit more housework, just potter and see where the day leads me. But it sounds so boring and I don’t like being quizzed. I know they’re only making small talk.
Maybe make a list of what you like doing (even if that’s laying on the grass with you’re eyes shut!)

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 12/08/2022 16:14

Just sounds to me like a friendly question aiming to start a bit of small talk. The compliment suggests she may be interested in your fitness routine, if you have one. As it was at a wedding, I'd see it as just a good-natured person helping to keep things running smoothly.

I like Inthemane's "Oh I love my downtime when I get the chance, I've just binged Stranger Things, are you watching it?" -- friendly, and usefully opens the conversation up.

layladomino · 14/08/2022 11:23

I don't think her question was odd. She was showing an interest in you. Being polite.

If someone asked me that, I think I'd first of all say what I do for work, then if they were still listening (!) I'd list a couple of hobbies. Or if you don't have a 'hobby' or feel uncomfortable sharing, just say 'other than that, life is busy and I don't know where the days go! How about you?'

I don't read that she was asking because she doesn't think you and your partner don't have much in common; I read it as 'we know lots about your partner, so tell me about you'.

Does it bother you that you don't have 'hobbies'? If you are happy with your life, don't feel obliged to get a hobby just so you sound more interesting.... having hobbies doesn't necessarily make someone interesting.

FinallyHere · 14/08/2022 12:10

But off topic, but anyone honestly interested in the answer to this kind of question will be interested in any answer at all, so the trick is to think of something to say then ask them a question in turn. 'What do you like to do'?

Or (great idea) I've been binge watching <any current series> have you seen that one.

Most likely they will take the bait and you are off.

It's not like an examination, where you are looking for the right answer and get marks for coherence snd completeness. It's just a conversation

merryhouse · 14/08/2022 12:28

So what do you do? You surely don't spend all the time your partner's out at karate doing the ironing?

Do you read? Do you dance to SClub7 albums? Do you bake? Do you plan entire Alternative Universes in your head? Do you do puzzles? Do you walk by the canal? Do you manipulate your friendship circle? Do you redecorate every three months?

Yes, it's a decidedly rude way of asking the question; but it's not an unusual question in itself.

If you think you ought to have A Hobby, I've heard it said that you should go back to the things you liked doing when you were aged 8-14.

BubbleDoubleTrouble3 · 14/08/2022 15:35

"What do you like doing"

I love to hear what other people get up to
I just find it interesting
People normally like talking about themselves , their family, work, hobbies, food, exercise, pets, holidays etc

goldfinchonthelawn · 14/08/2022 15:40

It's just small talk. She's just being friendly. If someone asked me that sort if question I would think they were a bit socially anxious and trying to make an effort as it isn't a natural question that comes from conversational flow. She's probably just trying to find common ground.

You can answer anything - mention a film or box set you recently watched or a gig you went to or a book you read or zumba class or baking -anything. It's just a harnless conversation opener.

Havesomeselfrespect · 15/08/2022 01:30

It sounds like she was trying to be friendly and avoid offence. If she’d asked about your work and you were a SAHM you might have felt offended. Or asked about your kids and you be upset if you didn’t have any. It was a nice open ended question that could have answered any way you liked to lead the conversation to something you’d be happy to talk about. You could have talked about your work, kids, pets, home decorating, exercise regime, hobbies, favourite books, TV shows, interest in current affairs, anything.

Besttobe8001 · 15/08/2022 01:42

I always ask people "what kind of thing do you enjoy doing" because then they can talk about their job or kids or new recipes or pets or hang gliding hobby or obsession with 80s music or whatever they want to. It's better than asking what someone does for a living or if they have a family etc.

Shoxfordian · 15/08/2022 06:29

She was trying to be friendly op- you must have something you like doing! Maybe don’t admit to the S Club 7 though…. 😂

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 15/08/2022 06:39

Sounds like an interview!

Woodsparrow · 15/08/2022 07:11

Not sure how I feel about this. I struggle q bit socially, I've always felt like I don't get much out of people and talk dries up quickly so I've started asking people a more broad "what do you get up to when you're not working?" I love hearing about people's hobbies

I think I'd felt like I'd love someone to ask me that, I have lots of hobbies and think I have an interesting life but I don't feel like I can bring stuff up without being asked. When someone asks "you doing alright?" I feel like they're going through the motions

Eddielizzard · 15/08/2022 07:16

Normally this type of question is a conversation starter, but in this case I think she was nosey.

And I'm nosey too: when you come home from work what DO you do? Clean, with telly, sit and watch paint dry? What do you do on the weekends? Shop? What?

pinkfondu · 15/08/2022 07:39

I hate this too because tbh I am boring and currently my hobbies are eating, watching tv and my phone!

mondaytosunday · 15/08/2022 07:50

I don't think it's rude, It's probably her tactic of how to get people to talk, and as many people do like to talk about themselves, often works. If you really have no hobbies/interests, you could have said 'oh thank you! I just do the usual stuff, I'm not outdoorsy like X, I like to potter around at home, and of course I love my job. What about you?'
My sister is a psychiatrist. She is very adept at not answering any personal questions and turning it back on you. We talk and afterwards I realise she hasn't revealed much about what's going on in her life at all (snd I know she has plenty of things she does outside of work). Just turn things around.

SaltandPepper22 · 15/08/2022 07:52

Op I totally get you. It’s fine to say that what you do outside of work and eating are your hobbies but the things I like doing are:
-decluttering, cleaning and decorating my house (not really a hobby as most people would see it as a chore)
-pottering about the garden
-walking into town getting a take away coffee and walking back again
-cooking and baking (feel like these are required to live so don’t fall under hobby either)

I don’t love music, the gym or films (I listen to music and watch films but I’m not “into” them and I go to the gym but I find it mostly an endurance test). I don’t like cars (drive one because it’s practical to get from A to B), art (don’t mind the odd trip to a gallery) or travelling (I like a holiday, like most people).

So what I’m saying is I completely understand why you felt unable to say anything. Listing this all out I can see there are plenty of things I like doing just not much I “love” doing and those things I enjoy doing regularly are pretty boring!