"What do you like doing?"

[homarr]

Been with my partner for 9 years and we are very different in that he's very sociable and has lots of hobbies. I'm not quite as sociable and I've never had a hobby. I've no idea what I enjoy doing!

Anyway, I was at a wedding recently and this girl who I have met in passing maybe 2/3 times (her husband knows my partner) came over to me and said "so your partner loves going surfing, paddle boarding, karate. You're absolutely stunning but what do you do? Tell me about yourself"

I could've just died on the spot. I felt like I was being interviewed. I felt like I had to pretend to be really interesting. Instead I just stuttered and changed the subject. Am I wrong in thinking that's a little bit of an odd/slightly rude question? Perhaps I'm just feeling stupid because I don't have any hobbies or perhaps the fact that her and her partner have clearly noticed that we are polar opposites and probably have nothing in common!

But what's up with just saying those things when someone says 'tell me about yourself'?

There's negative self judgement going on here, as if it's somehow 'better' to like vigorous outdoor activities than it is to be a homebody. It isn't. If someone's interested in what you get up to, tell them. It's not a test, it's a conversation.

“I’m a bit of a homebody really” is what I’d say.

I think this is a much better small-talk question than "what have you been up to recently" - my mind always goes blank at that but I can certainly talk about what I enjoy more generally.

It doesn't have to be A Hobby or anything you do out of the house. It could be gardening or baking or home decor. The last book you read, the last TV show you enjoyed, your favourite music right now. She led with "you're stunning" so was giving you an opening to talk about style or beauty or exercise.

I don't really understand how anyone can fail to have an answer to this and honestly would judge a lack of answer as boring. If the answer is that you don't do anything you enjoy because you're too busy, tell them work and/or parenting takes up 100% of your time.

I was thinking its quite intense isn't it. Sounds like she thought she was at a networking event!

Your hobbies, for future reference, are:
Home improvements
Gardening
Urban-walking
Cooking & baking
A bit of travelling when I get the time
And I do have a mild interest in art but don't get much time to indulge....

Sorted. Someone asks you an interview question, you give them back an interview answer. Normal life dressed up in pretty words.

thinking its quite intense isn't it.

So interesting how different our reactions can be.

Feels more like chit chat to me.

It's ironic - Women have fought for decades to have identities outside or being wives and mums, and having people take an interest in them as individuals.

And when it happens - you complain that this stranger was interested in you, what you do, what makes you tick rather than just talk about your husband's hobbies?! Before you met him, what did you do with your down time?

You must do something other than household chores? You could talk about your work, any topic you spend free time on (a book you read, gardening, a tv show you watched, a news development you've followed etc), or just something you're passionate about (someone once told me all about how they enjoyed watching flight simulator videos of different aircraft - but they were so excited about i, I enjoyed learning about it).

Hobbies and interests don't have to be sporty, exotic ones. Knitting is a hobby, learning a language, reading, cooking, baking, watching wild life documentaries, enjoying finding new music on spotify - there's so much to do. However, if you genuinely don't have any interests then that's a reflection of your life, and not her being rude. Asking someone what they like doing is a very normal way to engage with a stranger. So maybe it's a wake up call to really invest your time in doing stuff you enjoy that is just for you?

If she worded this as the OP has stated I can totally understand why the OP found it disconcerting. If someone said that to me in that way, I'd think they were insinuating I was just a pretty face with no substance, comparing me unfavourably to my OH by emphasising all his interests. It's a pretty weird way to start small talk.

’You're absolutely stunning but what do you do?’

Do attractive women get these comments from vague female acquaintances? Is it just because I’m meh looks wise that I’d end up gaping like a fish at the first part of that comment?

I can talk all day about my hobbies and interests but if someone asks me 'so what did you study?' or 'what's your background in?' then I get the cold sweats! 😂

Just choose a stock answer and stick to it. I tell people that I went for a gap year after college and just never came back. The truth is I was homeless at 15, sofa surfed, claimed benefits, got a criminal record, fled the country at 21 years old then came back 15 years later, pregnant and in an abusive relationship. Bit of a mood killer to blurt all that out on a first date though.

If you put me on the spot at the moment I’d probably say I like baseball and I like to go to the cinema because Duolingo has drilled those phrases into my head in Spanish and English.

To me it sounds like she's heard all about your husband's interests but knows nothing about you and is giving you a chance hog the mic so to speak.