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Original poster

Guys disappearing after sex

56 replies

NameChanger567 · 11/08/2022 20:21

A while ago this guy pretended that he wanted a relationship (met him through online dating) and then ghosted me after sex.

Has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
Weekenders · 12/08/2022 17:18

The pool of women the average man would like to sleep with is much larger than the pool they'd like to have a relationship with.

In some instances men cynically sleep with women they've no interest in a relationship with, and in others a relationship was potentially on the cards but the sex wasn't enjoyable enough.

It sometimes is a Machiavellian grand plan, and in others is just the messy working out of relationship compatibility. In all cases poor communication often makes a bad situation worse.

UglyNameChange · 12/08/2022 17:44

I don't think the advice to wait to have sex saves you from this sort of thing.

Some men are prepared to wait and still drop you afterwards

Yes, I’ve seen this advice often and always wonderedd how would that work.
I mean, just because you take your time, doesn’t mean his not on apps, dates, fucking, maybe getting serious with someone else.

UglyNameChange · 12/08/2022 17:53

UglyNameChange · 12/08/2022 16:35

*men

You really think society is something where most of the men want and appreciates an monogamous relationship?
C’mon.
Does it look like that?

Show quote history

And we should call it serial monogamy rather than monogamy, considering how rare it is to have just one partner throughout life.

category12 · 12/08/2022 17:56

Yep, it's quite normal these days to be dating a few people, isn't it? Doesn't the dating thread on here(if it's still going) recommend having a few "irons in the fire" while OLD?

So a bloke might easily be seeing a few people and not bothered about being "made to wait".

daisychain01 · 12/08/2022 17:57

NameChanger567 · 11/08/2022 20:21

A while ago this guy pretended that he wanted a relationship (met him through online dating) and then ghosted me after sex.

Has this happened to anyone else?

If you haven't formed any kind of meaningful connection with them over a number of weeks or months then it will increase the likelihood of them buggering off after they've got what they want.

It's the behaviour of a knuckle-dragging neanderthal and you're better off without them.

Original poster
NameChanger567 · 24/08/2022 17:12

Whitehorsegirl · 12/08/2022 13:14

Very common with OLD. They know that if they put in their profile that they only want casual sex they will reduce the number of women who will be interested in them.

There is also the fact that many men still have double standards, they often don't want to sleep with women who openly say they are up for casual sex on their profile (because they think it is too easy, there is no ''chase'' and they still judge women for enjoying sex just for the sake of it) even of it is what they want too.

So instead they trick the women who state they want relationships into thinking they are on the same page because they see these women as ''higher value'', more of a challenge, even if they know full well they only want sex from them.

Although there is no guarantee that they will stick around, with online dating it is always better to wait to know the person first and develop a connection (make sure you have common interests, matching personalities) than to sleep with them as you as you meet them.

But I also think it is fair for a guy who is not just after casual sex to decide that you are not what they are looking for in the early stages. To put it bluntly sometimes you are just not compatible sexually especially the first time and if you have not established a wider emotional connection, the guy has no real reason to stick around to work at improving the sexual connection. Or they realise they liked you enough to have sex with but once that's out of the way they realise they don't really feel they have a wider connection with you and they decide that you are not really girlfriend material. Better to end it then than continue to string someone along.

that is a good explanation thank you

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