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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Absolutely dreading tomorrow. Just need a hand hold

59 replies

scarhead97 · 10/08/2022 18:37

Tomorrow is going to be awful ☹️
I know this will all sound really trivial but it’s only been 8 weeks since I was dumped by someone I thought I was going to grow old with. I adore him and still do. There’s been no contact since.

Tomorrow I am travelling to attend a wedding 6 hours away. I don’t really know anyone else at this wedding.

Me and my ex were meant to go together, travel up together. We were going to make a holiday of it as it’s in a beautiful location.

Tomorrow is also what was meant to be our one year anniversary. So was going to be a mini holiday celebration. We were so excited.

Now I’m going to be travelling up alone, for 6 hours in the car. Getting to the hotel on my own and being by myself at the wedding. None of my friends could get the time off work to come.
Not to mention that I’ll just be remembering the date, and what it was supposed to be ☹️

I’m absolutely dreading it and feel so lonely.

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 10/08/2022 22:12

It'll be fine. Just don't get on the booze. You had a life before your ex. You've still got one. Maybe you'll meet your next love!

Prunel · 10/08/2022 22:14

If you’re going to go op I would make it a closure weekend
cry if you need to cry in the car on the way there, make a sad sing along ballads playlist
get to the hotel treat yourself to a nice dinner or spa or even just pack a nice face mask and plan to watch a movie and eat room service (or just a McDonald’s!) in bed
go to the wedding, look great! Enjoy speaking to new people, don’t mention your ex. Hold it together in the day, think about how you are one step closer to that happy relationship because you’re not stuck with him.
bow out early and have a lovely bath, nice breakfast the next day.
maybe make the drive pleasant too on the way back if you can drop off somewhere nice.
just a weekend to be you, with your thoughts and process this whole thing. Come back ready to step forward and away from him.

birdfeeders · 10/08/2022 22:41

Love is in th air at weddings. Take a chance, chat with handsome single blokes, let your hair down. It will happen for you one day with the right person :-)

birdfeeders · 10/08/2022 22:42

Then post a picture of you beaming away on social media that he or his friends / family will see. Wait a bit, then block :)

Original poster
scarhead97 · 10/08/2022 22:45

Aww wow everyone’s been so kind - thank you all so much!!!
I’ve decided I’m going to go - I don’t think it’ll do me good to wallow in my room instead. Plus I want to celebrate one of my best mates and would hate to let her down.

It’s going to be SO hard, and the date is just the cherry on the cake as it would’ve been our anniversary tomorrow too. But, I’m going to order a takeaway or buy a pub lunch on arrival. It’s a scenic place too so I’ll force myself out on a walk before bed. Sadly no spa, but I’ll have a long pamper!

I’ll let you all know how it goes. I think there’ll be a few tears tomorrow but hopefully the wedding will be okay. 🌸🌸🌸

OP posts:
Original poster
scarhead97 · 10/08/2022 22:48

And this may sound silly but the break up is fairly fresh still and it’s the last concrete plan we had together.. so it almost feels once this is out the way, then it’s all over 😞

But time to focus on myself, and my friend!

OP posts:
Original poster
scarhead97 · 11/08/2022 10:17

Today’s the day! Woken up sadder than I imagined because it’s meant to be our anniversary. Going to try and focus on me today

OP posts:
NiqueNique · 11/08/2022 10:28

Yes, give yourself space just to be. Sadness is understandable and it’s okay to let yourself feel it keenly. However there is a whole world out there, and a whole life waiting to be lived! 🌸🌺🌼🌷🌹

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 11/08/2022 10:33

I hope today is a good distraction for you, a time to make new memories. Be gentle with yourself x

Atomicspider · 11/08/2022 10:38

Sounds really tough. Go, but allow yourself to leave whenever you want to.

Fruitandnuts · 11/08/2022 10:48

Glad you are going. Get some music on, while you get ready, if you wish have a glass of bubbly. Get to venue and smile and be friendly to everyone, chit chat can be how you know the bride, shared memories. I went to a friends wedding solo and do so. if anyone asked did i have a partner with me, i just smiled and said no im single and changed the subject. You will fall in with people to chat to, don't drink too much but get up and dance. People at your table will introduce each other and you'll find plenty to talk about. Ice breaker could be commenting on someone's outfit/bag/what they are drinking.

As for the ex - its his loss ! no not contact him, dont let a man tell you twice he doesnt want you. Next !

Kottontail · 11/08/2022 10:48

It will be a long drive, listen to your music, stop for lunch. Sing loudly!! No doubt you will think about him most of the way. That's ok & healing too. Everything happens for a reason. You will come out of this weekend stronger & hopefully more ready to look forward rather than back. X

Atomicspider · 11/08/2022 10:50

And if you need to make a swift exit, the trick is to slip out, then text your apology/ reason to the host once you’re twenty minutes or so away. Don’t say anything before making your move!
good luck today op

Lookingoutside · 11/08/2022 11:03

You’re very brave. It will be a great way of switching the significance of the date!

Have a lovely time OP. Thinking of you x

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 11/08/2022 11:22

You are brave, most definitely. It takes some courage to face something that you could get out of... serious respect to you! Star

What you said on your last couple of posts OP, very true but actually in a more positive light. Once this is done then 'it's over'. That is exactly it. Everything that happens from now on is new and free of any associations with him.

Today may be better than you think it will...

PatientlyWaiting21 · 11/08/2022 12:44

On one hand fuck it go, enjoy it and you never know who you might meet.

but if I was the b&m I would completely understand why you wouldn’t attend. See how you feel in the morning

Prunel · 11/08/2022 13:51

scarhead97 · 10/08/2022 22:48

And this may sound silly but the break up is fairly fresh still and it’s the last concrete plan we had together.. so it almost feels once this is out the way, then it’s all over 😞

But time to focus on myself, and my friend!

Great! It’s all over after today. That means however rubbish you feel today, this is as bad as it’s going to get.
tomorrow the anniversary, the wedding, the final plans, the one year milestone, going to places alone for the first time
its all done and out the way in one day - instead of dragging it out and having fresh problems and reminders.
And you’ve got through today and been brave, you can get through any of it

good luck!

Assistanttotheregionalmanager · 11/08/2022 13:54

Go for it! Never know who you might meet. See it as an opportunity for a fresh start.

littleandlots · 11/08/2022 15:39

I'd go.

I have been to a a couple of weddings on my own, I have fun, drink, dance and meet my next mistake!

It's been 8 weeks, you were together 10 months, it's time to get back out there and try and find pleasure in the world.

If it gets too much you can duck back to the hotel after the speeches and watch shit on Tv knowing you did go and help your old friend celebrate her wedding day.

Original poster
scarhead97 · 11/08/2022 19:41

Thanks all, everyone is so kind 😭

I just made it to the hotel - they asked where my other guest was lol. It was all under his name and there was 2 of everything in the room. I’ll be honest, I had a big big cry.
I’ve now dragged myself out, got myself a Chinese takeaway and am sat outside on a nice green with a gorgeous view. I have food, a can of cider and a book 😊

OP posts:
Carrieonmywaywardsun · 11/08/2022 19:53

That's rough OP, sorry. Hope your evening is as pleasant as can be. Allow yourself to cry and wallow. Tomorrow will be better x

Original poster
scarhead97 · 12/08/2022 17:07

Hey all. At the wedding. I’ve met some nice people but the speeches etc have really got to me. My ex used to say all these things to me, and it was meant to be us. I just feel so sad that we don’t get to have this :(
I am struggling a bit

OP posts:
ImAvingOops · 12/08/2022 17:18

You are really brave for going, so be proud of yourself. I would have bottled it x

Summerhouse2013 · 12/08/2022 17:20

I'm new on here although have been reading in the background for a while.

Just wanted to say how strong you've been to go on your own. I know right now it must feel so raw without your partner, but keep thinking this - you want to be with someone who loves you, wants to be with you through the good times & the bad....your partner didn't feel like this, so you wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't care would you?

How about just focus on you for the time being, and I'm sure when you're least expecting it, you will meet someone who absolutely adores you 100% and wants to be with you through thick & thin. You will find happiness again, it might not feel like it right now, but it will happen....

You were me a long time ago, then I met the most wonderful man and I have never been happier. We are about to celebrate 25 years wedding anniversary soon....

Original poster
scarhead97 · 12/08/2022 17:40

i feel really close to just calling him. Which would be the worst idea 😭 just really struggling

OP posts: