@cushioncovers I just got used to the abuse I guess, and to keeping quiet… a deep sense of guilt kept me in the relationship too, because somehow he made me feel like all our/his problems were my fault.
Like I said in my previous reply, there was a succession of events that led up to me leaving… but actually, I do think there was a “final straw”:
A week or so before I left, my husband became unwell with an infection, for which I had to take him to A&E. He was in a lot of pain, and was particularly moody and snappy. I dropped everything to look after him, took time off work to care for him, etc. It was hugely stressful, as I was also trying to deal with some extremely complicated, urgent and critical financial stuff at the same time (because I was the one who had to do all that stuff in our marriage).
When he recovered, he said to me that he was so grateful that I’d been there for him, that he’d never felt so well looked after and cared for by anyone. He also said he had so much more empathy for me now, what with the crippling illness I’d experienced in the previous years. I explained that it had been difficult for me, always having to go to hospital appointments by myself and stuff.
He said “I’m here for you now, and always will be, and you’ll never have to go through anything alone again.”
I left him the next day.
Hearing those words from him, those amazing, tender, loving words… instead of making me happy, it devastated me. It brought home to me the fact that
he hadn’t been there for me, EVER, in the eight years we were together. I had spent eight years feeling so alone and unloved. Dealing with my illness - physical and mental - alone. While all he did was get cross with me and accuse me of neglecting him.
He should have been there for me, like I always was for him. I just felt so empty. And when he said those words to me, they felt so hollow.