Blacklisted???

[Asti4ever]

Is it normal to be Black listed from your own Family and girlfriends, if you are the one initiating divorce ?
A Month ago i told my husband of 12 years i wanted divorce . Sunday i moved with my 14 year Old daughter. I am really sad, this is not what i wanted But i see no choice.
Yesterday we both Got corona 😣 fuck we are sick!
Have been texting to my mom, girlfriends and some cousins - But only at my initiation. Havent heard from anyone since monday. I fewl so alone and so hurt. Not sure if it is stupid to feel this Way.
Hes blocked me everywhere But remain friends with all my friends and Family.
Not even my sister has called me 😣 tell me to get a grip??

It’s not clear to me. They were married twelve years ago, when the daughter was two, which to me would suggest he was quite likely to be the father, but the OP does say “my daughter.”

Hope you both are ok OP.
i would be very specific if you want something from your relatives, if you need food/ medicines I would ask directly in a txt. I wouldn’t send one txt for all, I would ask personally.
However nice your husband is you can just divorce him because you don’t want to be with him anymore. And your family should be respectful of this and supportive. People do stop loving each other and that’s enough reason to divoyg get rce.

She is my daughter. And before we left, he used her as an adult - crying on her shoulder.
Now he tell her (and my adult son) that i "kick him out on the street" because i want half of what the property is worth,
Had a Call from my mom just now. Talked about everything else, But my life.
Not heard from anybody else. Maby they just "live their life" and not ignoring me as such - But it is pretty lonely.

OP, seriously, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about the situation. Talk to people. Communicate. You want certain things from them, so tell them.

You just had a call from your mum, so she clearly isn’t ignoring you and hasn’t abandoned you. You had a whole conversation with her and didn’t mention any of the things you’ve said on this thread. You’re lonely, but unwilling to reach out and waiting for everyone else to make the first move.

You’ve essentially created your own exile. How do you see this playing out, exactly?

I know.. im just used to be the one helping and supporting, im not used to need help.
And i Think it is fairly obvious that i do need help!
But yes, i need to ask..

Could the issues round the property be part of the problem? Did you buy the house together, and contribute equally, or has your husband been the one to cover that? Your family may feel that if you and your children (and you are making it clear that despite him being in their lives from very young that you don’t view him as being like a father) lived there while he supported you that it’s not fair for you to now want half of it.

They Call him dad, he is their dad in everything But blood.
He contributed more, moneywise, to our House , But we own it together.
I have asked here before, if i should take less from the sale and most Answers was no. My layer says no. I worked for dh and he is firing me now, ofcourse.
So most say make sure to get half of House sale so Secure me and kids. Then he Can keep cars, cows (10) Company - worth a lot - machines etc

Sadly this is really common. I remember when I split up with my daughter's father my friend warned me about it, based on what had happened to her own mother. You will really find out who your true friends are at this time.

It's threefold - one part is redistribution of the mutual friends, the second is the family etc who judge you, the third is the women you thought were your friends and who suddenly don't want to know you because you 100% will be after their husbands now you're single.

It's bloody hard and unpleasant. It makes a hard thing even harder. My advice to you would be to remember how they have treated you and keep them at arms length in future.

It will get better but it might take some time, and you'll grieve some of the relationships. But it will get better!

Thank you 🌺🌺🌺

I'm not clear from your posts if you have told all of your family that you have Covid? If you haven't, then they aren't mindreaders and I wouldn't expect siblings, cousins, friends to check in regularly if they didn't know you were ill. With regard to your split, perhaps they think you are dealing with it better than you feel you are. Perhaps they think you left him and so you will be in a better place than when you were married (which hopefully you are). Perhaps they are ill.

If you need help, it's only fair to tell people and ask for it. They aren't mindreaders. If you've asked for help, and they've refused or done it begrudgingly, then that's another matter.

If these people have been kind and loving until now, then I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and tell them your are ill and need help. If they've always been thoughtless then that's just who they are. If people believe your ex over you then you're better off without them and concentrate on the friends who are being supportive.

OP, sorry you're going through this. I've been ostracised by my "mother's" family which was really hurtful, but in your case it's quite shocking that your family have ignored you. As it happens, I was watching a video called 'What to do when a narcissist turns people against you'. You may find it helpful, just like some previous posters have said, there is advice not to drop all contact but instead to engage without bad mouthing the other person.

I'm about to tell my family that I'm separated. I expect a similar reaction. Because... for the last few years he's been super great dad and I've been trying to hold myself together, using all my energy to be something approaching normal, and therefore not being my usual self. Actually being a stressed mess and so not entirely likeable. I'll come back, and they'll either be with me or not.

Thank you again, all of you.
I called my sister. She was making dinner, would Call me later. Well, im still waiting..
Then i had some "unfinished business" with soon to be ex (getting something from farm) and the hate i Got back, just blew me!! I tried several times to reason with him, But he wasnt having it - i am selfish, arrogant, not adult enough to have a conversation with..
why does it hurt so much? Before the move we were friendly and now he just hate me. I know it is because he is hurt and it just confirm why i left, But damn..
i Will Watch the video tomorrow, thank you for it.. and for all your words . I thought i would feel better after the moving out, But no...

However nice your husband is you can just divorce him because you don’t want to be with him anymore. And your family should be respectful of this and supportive.

This!

I just don't get it-disappointed that the marriage didn't work.

Upset for all involved-especially kids.

But blanking my own daughter?

My kids already know I would find it difficult if either had an affair as my first husband cheated.

But they are my kids!

Thank you for the video.. i Will try that approach 🌺

OP I'm assuming you're talking about the video I posted & hope you find the advice works for you. Let us know how you get on.

Stay strong, as a human being you have a right to a basic level of respect which to me doesn't seem to be happening.
Remind yourself that you have a right to be treated respectfully, and don't feel it's unreasonable to insist on this.

So you do or you don’t want contact with your family?

You accuse them of ignoring you then in the next post say you want to block them all. That’s not really going to help?

You said you’d spoken to your Mum. Did you even explain why you’d left or that you and DD have COVID?

Where is your adult son in all this? Could he not drop off some milk and bread?

You’re not really making much sense. I think you might need to ask your GP for some mental health support to get you through this. How is DD?

@diddl

Sometimes it makes no sense but it happens and it’s terribly hurtful. My best friend took the side of my ex and the betrayal was awful. I’d confided my deepest feelings to her during our friendship and she chose to use them against me whilst I was at my very lowest. I won’t hijack the poster’s thread by detailing it but she would, most certainly, have known how much what she did would have hurt me.

I cut her off afterwards but not before being completely floored by her treatment. Still hurts now even though this happened years ago.

OP, I feel your pain. Although this is the hardest thing, please stay strong and calm. I do believe your family will come around and support you soon. 💐

@LaingsAcidTab That’s so relevant. Painfully so.

OP, keep posting here for support.

Thank you again . My son lives 4 hours away. We should have visited him this weekend, But obviously cancelled.
Still havent heard from anybody But my mom and a friend. Told my mom how i was hurt and she Said she understood But "people are busy".
But i feel much better. Covid is clearing, fever gone and we are out of isolation on monday.
Lots of what you all write make sense. Sorry so many has experienced the same. I wont Call anybody, i Will wait and see what happends.

Glad you’re recovering from your illness Asti4ever. Being ill and feverish can definitely affect our thoughts too. Be kind to yourself.