Partner of a year doesn't contribute...

[boyff]

Been together over a year.
He spends every night at mine.
Last month he was "skint" so I got food etc
Obviously I pay all gas /electric
So this month has left me short and 2 weeks till pay day.
He said last week on his pay day he would "give me some money "
We have decided to go away for a weekend in September £100 each
Today is his pay day and he transferred the £100 hotel but nothing for me.
I was relying on something and he knows that...

How much does he earn?

He gets £1,800 a month after tax
(Which is a decent wage in our area (north east )

He's not a partner, this isn't what a partnership is.

No decent person would freeload off of another person in this way and willingly let you struggle.

As I have learned on MN, he has shown you who he is. Believe him.

I would assume the £100 was for you and cancel the hotel if he doesn’t give anything for that.

You need to have a conversation about him paying his way. Why is he always at yours and you aren't at his?

Where was this person living prior to being at yours every evening?.

Your cocklodger needs to be given the boot and permanently. He has been onto a good thing with you and does not want the gravy train to end. He has no intention of sharing "his" cash with you and even worse, he likely thinks you have MUG written on your forehead.

So he has moved in with you and is paying nothing? Why are you paying for the gas and electricity?

Yes, the £100 is for his food contribution, naturally.

Unless he coughs up extra then I'd be cancelling the break.

Actually I'd cancel it anyway. Cocklodger alert.

So what is he spending his money on?

You need a grown up conversation about how much he will contribute and not rely on him giving you something on a whim. It sounds like you’ve got a different attitude to finances. That would be a deal breaker for me.

What @Fuuuuuckit said with bells on

Take the £100.

Cancel the weekend.

Get some self respect! This man is a sponge and you know it.

Is he still paying rent/council tax on his own place or has he moved himself on with you after sponging off parents (guessing the latter?)

This. He isn't a partner. He's a freeloading git.

Tell him clearly that if he's staying at yours, he needs to bring food at least three times a week, and you expect £20 a week towards bills.

If he grumbles, get rid of him.

If he spends every night at yours then he is actually living with you. Does that alter any benefits/ council tax etc for you?

He is obviously taking the piss but it's up to you what you are willing to put up with.

Why does he stay at yours all the time? If he does then of course he should be contributing.
You need to discuss this with him.

He sounds like a cocklodger

That money is for bills/his contributions.

He is a mooch. Get rid.

Have you had any sort of conversation about this?!

I can’t imagine getting to a point where someone is sleeping in my home and presumably with me, without any sort of discussion about what this is going to look like. Is he still paying rent somewhere? Who paid for his food before he met you? If he isn’t paying for rent or food and is skint-where the hell has all his money gone?!

I’d cancel the trip away, it looks almost certainly like he’ll have no money and you will be funding every meal.

I hope he’s a genius in bed.

Freeloading / miserliness / meanness is often incurable.

I tried to cure it for nearly two years.
It resulted in being out of pocket, extra grey hairs and wrinkles, and the heartache of betrayal of my love and good intentions. There are often, deflections, lies, and guilt tripping that develop along with this.

I couldn’t understand why someone would risk their relationship over a few pounds and debase themselves in such a way.

Don’t try to understand it, some people are just sick, it’s an illness… their barometer for right and wrong is broken. There is apparently a high related to having someone pay for you, an ego boost, or an entitlement.

Do not allow yourself to be exploited, your self esteem and psyche will be ruined.

Get him out. Do it now. Be strong. Thankfully people like this are in the minority. You can do a lot better, believe me. Save yourself, time, worry, frustration, and heartache.

You have been warned, take heed.

£100 isn’t even enough to cover half the bills in the month, let alone food.
And if he’s there everyday, he is not only using half the bills, but probably eats and drinks more than the OP.

Next time, keep it firmly in mind that you need a partner, not a dependent.
It sounds like things are very tight for you, don’t make your finances even more difficult, they should be easing up with the help of a partner.

What is he spending his money on?

Well if this doesnt spur you into some action of the 'dumping' kind I don't know what will.

Honestly hes shown you his priorities here and that’s to use his wages for things he enjoys whilst someone else (you) provides for his basic needs. He hasn’t considered that you need food etc for the next 2 weeks.

I would have had much more respect if he had messaged and said I’ve put x in your account for food, but I really can’t afford the break can we cancel it?

This will only get worse.

Why don't you stay at his?