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Original poster

He checked up on me

51 replies

Rootbeam · 07/08/2022 23:01

I left my phone downstairs and had a
lie in the next morning. When I looked at my
phone usage, he’d been through a few apps to check my WhatsApp, messenger, notes and photos. I’m really upset, I hate the dishonesty and lack of trust. How would you move past this?

OP posts:
Isittrueornot · 07/08/2022 23:03

I don’t think it would bother me if I had nothing to hide.

Some people would be bothered though but I wouldn’t. I don’t see it as an invasion of privacy, I just see it as he was on my phone which I wouldn’t have a problem with, even if he was checking up on me….but that’s me. If YOU feel it’s over stepped a line then that’s how you feel and you need to deal with it and talk to him to sort it out

Original poster
Rootbeam · 07/08/2022 23:09

Thanks for your message, I appreciate the things you’ve said and it makes sense.. although when there’s emotions involved I feel so upset by it. I’m wondering what I’ve done to have him be suspicious of me, it feels like he’s been sneaky, he’s snooped around. I’d rather he just ask me directly if he wants to know who I message or what I write about. Is he checking up on me because he’s hiding something himself?? The thing is, he’s welcome to go on my phone anytime, I just hate the dishonesty and cloak and dagger type of behaviour. It makes me feel really uneasy.

OP posts:
FullBush · 07/08/2022 23:12

Unless you’ve got form for questionable behaviour then he has overstepped the line massively.

Passtherioja · 07/08/2022 23:12

Check you've not messed up a name change

Jellybeanfeels · 07/08/2022 23:19

How would you tell if someone has been on your apps?

toastedcat · 07/08/2022 23:23

Jellybeanfeels · 07/08/2022 23:19

How would you tell if someone has been on your apps?

This, and also why would you instantly check it?

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 07/08/2022 23:23

Name change fail @Rootbeam?
It feels sneaky to me, I know some will say if you've nothing to hide what's the problem? But I wouldn't like it.

GrumpyPanda · 07/08/2022 23:25

Totally out of line and would be a deal breaker for me.

fifteenohfour · 07/08/2022 23:44

@toastedcat very easily? Open your phone up swipe up and all your recent apps are still there in the background if you haven't closed them. Which he obviously didn't. Who cares why she did it first it's an extremely common thing to do on your phone?

ManAboutTown · 07/08/2022 23:50

There are a plethora of posts on this site where people have sneaked a peek at their partner's phone or insisted on seeing its history to confirm fidelity or whatever.

Never been bothered with that kind of thing at all

OldFan · 07/08/2022 23:54

It's sneaky, I wouldn't like it.

Cherchezlaspice · 08/08/2022 00:12

I would consider this to be an inexcusable violation of my privacy and be furious.

Ask him why he’s done it. His explanation should be interesting.

billy1966 · 08/08/2022 00:13

I certainly wouldn't like that.

The most important thing is to listen to your gut and what it is trying to warn you about.

Don't ignore it, it warns you, to protect you.

ilyx · 08/08/2022 00:15

Would be very annoyed if my partner did this

londonlass71 · 08/08/2022 00:21

I wouldn't care. Whenever DP asks to use my phone or look something up I really don't mind. I would not mind if he looked through it either.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 08/08/2022 00:24

Rootbeam · 07/08/2022 23:01

I left my phone downstairs and had a
lie in the next morning. When I looked at my
phone usage, he’d been through a few apps to check my WhatsApp, messenger, notes and photos. I’m really upset, I hate the dishonesty and lack of trust. How would you move past this?

Hard to understand who "he" is. We're not psychic. Is he your husband, partner, FWB, what?

Nobody, whoever they are, have a right to go through your phone.

MooPiglet · 08/08/2022 00:28

How do you check someone else’s phone without a password/fingerprint these days?

ilyx · 08/08/2022 00:30

Hard to understand who "he" is. We're not psychic. Is he your husband, partner, FWB, what?

Why does that matter? It’s obviously someone she’s in a relationship with, what difference does a certificate make?

Cherchezlaspice · 08/08/2022 00:30

MooPiglet · 08/08/2022 00:28

How do you check someone else’s phone without a password/fingerprint these days?

Lots of phones still have passcodes as well as facial and fingerprint recognition. He probably knows hers.

ilyx · 08/08/2022 00:33

Yes OP definitely tighten up your security! Change passwords etc.

I almost use my notepad as a diary, I’d be furious with my dp if he went through my private notes and all my other information.

HeddaGarbled · 08/08/2022 00:35

It is wrong, we all know it’s wrong, but it is really tempting, like leaving your personal diary or your bank statement or your pay slip or a personal letter out. It’s not ‘checking up’, it’s being nosy. He shouldn’t have done it but he’s fallible, as most of us are.

DarkDarkNight · 08/08/2022 00:40

How can you tell if someone has looked at your apps? Why were you even checking your phone usage?

It sounds like you were checking up on him too, like you left it there as a test then checked if he had looked. Don’t you have a passcode?

DarkDarkNight · 08/08/2022 00:46

fifteenohfour · 07/08/2022 23:44

@toastedcat very easily? Open your phone up swipe up and all your recent apps are still there in the background if you haven't closed them. Which he obviously didn't. Who cares why she did it first it's an extremely common thing to do on your phone?

But they are surely the apps the OP uses most, so they would be there anyway? There’s no way to tell unless you can see what time they were accessed.

dehloh · 08/08/2022 00:51

Jellybeanfeels · 07/08/2022 23:19

How would you tell if someone has been on your apps?

If you usually close them and they have been left open?

dehloh · 08/08/2022 00:52

But they are surely the apps the OP uses most, so they would be there anyway? There’s no way to tell unless you can see what time they were accessed.

I close mine every time I finish using my phone. I like it 'tidy' so I close my apps before putting it down. If someone used my phone and didn't do the same I would know it had been used.

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