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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does anyone elses brother in law flirt with them all the time?

38 replies

BellaRambo · 07/08/2022 18:15

My Brother in law is always flirting with me, making jokes like he's in love with me and how we should run away togther. Its done in a pretty jokey way but when he's had a drink he is always trying to touch me, hug me, kiss me on the face or neck. Everyone just laughs it off and I do too but I sometimes wonder if there is anything behind it?
He is married now and I am married to his slightly older brother we have all known each other since we were teenagers so perhaps he had a small crush on me back then?

Anyone elses brother in law act like this towards them?

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 07/08/2022 18:16

Erm no

RooniIWazlib · 07/08/2022 18:25

Tell him to fuck off.

Yourearealboy · 07/08/2022 18:25

Ewwww No!

HeadNorth · 07/08/2022 18:27

God, no! My BIL is a lovely man, we get on well, but absolutely no flirting. Because that would be weird, gross and wrong.

Original poster
BellaRambo · 07/08/2022 18:29

Ah ok I was kind of hoping this would be a fairly common occurrence. I suppose it is a bit weird but he's been doing it so long perhaps its just his banter.

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 07/08/2022 18:30

Oh ffs you know it's not normal!!

I'm married to a twin and occasionally my BIL will agree with me on something that my DH doesn't and I might joke I married the wrong twin but that's a bit of banter,, what you describe is creepy and inappropriate.

Kanaloa · 07/08/2022 18:31

Why would you think this would be a ‘fairly common occurrence?’ You know this isn’t common or normal or ‘banter.’ Obviously.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 07/08/2022 18:31

No... I think he does have a thing for you and is wrapping it up in 'banter', as you say.

MilliwaysUniverse · 07/08/2022 18:31

One of my BIL used to be like this, eventually he cornered me at a party and kissed me and tried to grope me. I pushed him away and told DH, we didn't socialise with him after that. Since DH died, I've kept in touch with him because he was also widowed recently and isn't coping well (he's a lot older than me, in his late 60s). He doesn't think about me that way any more.

Original poster
BellaRambo · 07/08/2022 18:34

Well I'm not the best a reading signals and everyone else seems to just find it amusing. It's possible he had a crush on me back in the day and its hung around although god knows why I'm nothing like the cute little blonde I was as a teenager!

OP posts:
Original poster
BellaRambo · 07/08/2022 18:35

@MilliwaysUniverse So did he have feelings for you back at the time he tried to kiss you? Sorry that happned to you. I do care for my BIL but I have no romantic or physical attraction to him.

OP posts:
Rinatinabina · 07/08/2022 18:38

Wtf no, it’s not normal and it’s utterly disrespectful to you. It sound like everyone in your family has got so used to this creepy behaviour that you are just all letting it slide.

Ohtoberoavingagain · 07/08/2022 18:44

I can remember my father behaving like this towards my aunt ( so his SIL) I was about 14 and I felt it was totally cringeworthy and creepy then. So glad I got out of that family. Just eeeuuukkk.

MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 07/08/2022 18:45

No it's not normal. My BIL and I are close and we do things without my sister and my dh but we are like a brother and sister.

MilliwaysUniverse · 07/08/2022 18:48

@BellaRambo no, he had form for trying it on with his brothers' partners. He had an affair with DH's first wife in the 80s before they got married. Just your common or garden lech, I don't think he really fancied me.

LastWordsOfALiar · 07/08/2022 19:14

What does your partner think of it?

I suspect it's competition between them perhaps. Maybe he likes to think he can get his brothers partner.

Stay well out of it. It's disrespectful to both of you and overstepping the mark.

Why does he think it's ok to try to kiss people who don't want to kiss? Eugh, the fact everyone thinks it's ok is also worrying.

50daysplus · 07/08/2022 19:19

Neck kissing? Really crossing the line. I would avoid these situations if it is caused by alcohol no excuse but I would feel uncomfortable.

PeterPomegranate · 07/08/2022 19:23

Nope. Can’t imagine my husband’s brother behaving like this in a million years. And for comparison I have never flirted with my sister’s husband, not even a little bit - we might have a laugh and a joke but there is no flirtation to it.

CinstonWhurchill · 07/08/2022 19:46

@BellaRambo "Everyone just laughs it off and I do too but I sometimes wonder if there is anything behind it?".

You massively love him. You have posted here... it bothers you! Time to fess up. You are with the wrong brother!

Original poster
BellaRambo · 07/08/2022 20:57

@CinstonWhurchill lol not I don't have those kinds of feelings for him and I don't even know if he has those kind of feelings for me. Its just how he is with me, I don't think he is like that with any other women but I can't know for sure. Perhaps he is just a perv.

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 07/08/2022 21:07

This is so weird! It’s just not normal. If my BIL did this I’d tell him to F off!

Zero19 · 07/08/2022 21:57

My Sisters dp makes me uncomfortable by messaging me suggestive things and one time after I visited he msged me after saying he saw my thong sticking out of my jeans and was it for him 🤮
it makes me feel sick coz my dsis could get someone much better but she loves the bones of him and I don’t want to tell her and break up their family . It would break her heart and I don’t want to hurt her .

I just avoid him as much as possible but we had him at the caravan a couple of months ago and he messaged me afterwards and I had to ignore his msgs otherwise he starts to flirt with me :(
it’s not fair and it’s not MY fault yet I feel like I’m keeping his dirty secret to protect my dsis and my family :(

EarthSight · 07/08/2022 22:28

BellaRambo · 07/08/2022 18:29

Ah ok I was kind of hoping this would be a fairly common occurrence. I suppose it is a bit weird but he's been doing it so long perhaps its just his banter.

Nope - not normal. He's behaving like an idiot.

touch me, hug me, kiss me on the face or neck

What does your husband make of this? If he thinks this is all fine and normal, I'd be worried.

Geppili · 08/08/2022 00:01

He is a total creep and very disloyal to his brother.

Catlover1970 · 08/08/2022 03:12

Creepy