Boyfriend started smoking weed and I don’t like it

[Haribo12345678910]

My Boyfriend (30) and I (23) have been together for the last 3 years. We have definitely have been through our fair share of highs and lows.

A couple of months ago my boyfriend got given some weed and we smoked it. This was my first time smoking weed.

Backstory: I have only ever tried a brownie before this with him during year 1 of our relationship. I fell asleep so it didn’t really have any mental affect on me. Boyfriend used to smoke it when a teenager and hasn’t done it since except the brownie. I already had a hatred for weed as my twin brother has been on it since he was about 15. I am not a drinker either I haven’t got drunk for about 3 years, but boyfriend rarely drinks either. He is however on antidepressants.

Anyway, I only had a couple of puffs (I don’t smoke usually and I’m pretty sure I only took it in my mouth so it didn’t do much. I decided it wasn’t for me. However my boyfriend has continued to smoke it at the weekends and sometimes during the week if the week has been extra stressful. I have made it clear to him that I am not okay with it. I don’t like it being in the house and I have set boundaries with him. He can do it outside and when he comes in he goes for a shower and brushes his teeth. All of which he has agreed to.

When I have brought it up in the past about him using it as a destresser, he says it’s legal in some countries and it’s a proven destresser at low dosages. However, here’s my problem with it, it stinks and you are just suppressing the problem. You’re not actually dealing with it. He has tried therapy before at the beginning of our relationship which did help a little but he stopped soon after. I will say he is a very active guy who goes to the gym 5 times a week so he does have that as a destresser but that’s not enough at the moment.

So I what I am trying to say is that I can’t move pass the weed regardless of boundaries I set. I can’t help but feel resentful towards him for doing something I don’t like but at the same time I would never force him to stop because it’s how he is dealing with his life at the moment.

The thing is before my current relationship if I was on a date with a guy who smoked weed that would of been a deal breaker for me. But obviously I love him and don’t want to change him.

Help I’m so conflicted.

Dump him.
This relationship sounds bad. There shouldn’t be this amount of grief at this stage. Our first stressful time, and we held together, was dealing with infertility. You should be having fun not this crap.

Dump him or you are going to have a life full of pain.

@OldFan
Yes it's a leverage like in marriage or any relationship- the relationship would be at an end if OP stayed strong and enforced her boundary.

That was exactly my point, but OP will have to accept that most people will take a negative view towards someone who forbids them from doing something they enjoy as a condition of their continued presence.

They mightn't know how anti depressents work but they know they work.

It's not at all that cut and dry. Most people cycle through a number of drugs before they find the right balance between effectiveness and side-effects (of which there are many). Some people don't at all. I'd imagine most regular weed-users experience fewer significant side-effects. I don't know how well it does as a treatment for depression, but the symptoms are experiential.

And people who turn to weed as an escape from their problems aren't as likely to get therapy etc as people who get evidence based, reputable treatments.

OP stated that her partner both takes anti-depressants and doesn't get therapy so it does not apply in this case.

Who STARTS smoking weed age 30?

And people who turn to weed as an escape from their problems aren't as likely to get therapy etc as people who get evidence based, reputable treatments.

OP stated that her partner both takes anti-depressants and doesn't get therapy so it does not apply in this case.

Yep, he doesn't get therapy, so it is the case, he hasn't made as much effort as some people (who probably aren't stoners) do.

Most people cycle through a number of drugs before they find the right balance between effectiveness and side-effects (of which there are many). Some people don't at all. I'd imagine most regular weed-users experience fewer significant side-effects.

I think a lot of people don't keep going back. To get the best results someone has to keep going back until doctors find the best treatment for them.

Stoners often think their recreational drug is good for their health subjectively- that doesn't mean it is. Or they might just say that as an excuse to smoke it.

Who STARTS smoking weed age 30?

@Christin3 Maybe it's a midlife crisis and/or he has some new friends who are into it. When I was 38 I had a BDSM boyfriend and he encouraged me to get a septum and labret piercing when I hadn't had facial piercings before at all.😂

My boyfriend used to smoke weed before we met. He smoked in every night and loved it. When we met (around 5.5yeers ago) I wasn’t aware he smoked it so often as I didn’t stay round all the time. Anyway back then when it was becoming more apparent I did say that I was rlly against it and truthfully ge gave it up. He went such a long time without it and it was great. Fast forward we have a 2 year old and my bf has started smoking weed again on the weekends and I’ve expressed so so much how I dislike it especially now our little boy is here. He smokes it outside and brushes his teeth after but recently one morning our little one was in bed with us and cuddling his daddy, and I noticed the stench of weed in his hair - after this I said it was a no go. Bf thinks I’m the one being unfair. Telling me I’m trying to stop him doing something he enjoys and that our little boy won’t know anything. I’m so angry because he’s setting such a poor example for our child but he won’t listen and keeps telling me I’m the one in the wrong!! What do I do??